Just thots by a naijaman...

Dreaming . . .

2009-06-16T22:18:00.000-04:00

If you’re anything like me then perhaps you spend some time in the evenings thinking back at how much fun childhood was and how much you miss the good old times with friends and the carefree attitude.
A friend added me on facebook this afternoon, I hadn’t seen or heard from her in almost 14 years and it was such a pleasant surprise to see her happily married with kids of her own . . . she used to be tiny those days but she’s grown into a full fledged woman now.

It set me thinking, not too long ago we were just 8 yr olds, running around the school yard throwing dust at each other, playing football or teasing the girls who spent ALL DAY (and I mean all day) playing that hopelessly ridiculous game they called tente. Now we’re older, majority of us parents of our own little tots and probably busy telling them how we came first in all our subjects and never upset mummy for a minute.

Time is fading by so fast sometimes the past seems like a blur . . . a distant memory of a person you once were but can hardly recognize anymore. A thief of memories, a thief of dreams, hopes and aspirations . . . but a kind reminder that we all must pass through this cycle of life once and as the years roll by we too will grow gray hair and use walking sticks . . . telling our grandkids how wonderful life once used to be in our time.
A few years ago I would have turned up my nose at the very notion of getting married but now it seems to have become a secret dream . . . a wish to hold my own son or daughter in my arms. Many times I catch myself dreaming of the things I would teach him . . . the books I once loved to read as a child, how to climb trees, ride a bicycle, sing . . . I dream about reading him bible stories before bedtime, teaching him how to be a man, how not to make the mistakes I made as a growing boy and best of all how to catch chics!

There are so many things I wished I could be growing up, but now I can’t but see the gentle hands of Jesus shaping me into the man He always wanted me to be. It’s been a long road from the cradle . . . but one road I will always cherish even as I prepare to bring another to begin his own special journey.

Modern Day Christianity - An Altar To Self Worship

2008-12-04T15:19:00.003-05:00

I ran into a short summary of a new TV show being hosted by a young minister in the UK and while reading came across the following excerpt -

The show is hosted by Award winning Youth Diplomat, Europe’s Premier Youth and Young Adult Leader, and British Red Cross Humanitarian Citizen Ambassador – Dayo Israel. With deep experience in the media industry and youth development, Dayo bring a trail blazing approach to TV talk shows through “How with Dayo Israel”

So like the Berean christians did, i chose to compare this blatant expression of self promotion with that of apostle Paul -
Phil 3:4 Though I might also have confidence in the flesh. If any other man thinketh that he hath whereof he might trust in the flesh, I more: 5 Circumcised the eighth day, of the stock of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, an Hebrew of the Hebrews; as touching the law, a Pharisee; 6 Concerning zeal, persecuting the church; touching the righteousness which is in the law, blameless.

7 But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ. 8 Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ, 9 And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith: 10 That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death

I'm no longer sure if a lot of "pastors" are still reading the same epistles that the apostles wrote 2000 years ago, i'm no longer sure what role denying oneself for Christ plays among the body of Christ anymore.
I don't even know what it means to be called a "christian" anymore.

Is it now a social club for the religious pharisees?

Merchants in the house of prayer

2008-11-22T15:18:00.000-05:00

Its everywhere; our bookstores, cable TV, newspapers, flyers . . .
The merchants have taken over the temple of God. The temple of prayer is now full of men selling miracle manna, prayer cloths, miracles, books, tapes and psychology books. They tell us we can simply ask for anything and get it . . . they forget to add James reminder about asking amiss. they tell us the christian has no business being sick, forgeting that even timothy needed medicine for his stomach.
All we here are "dreams, visions and aspirations" that have more to do with creating a culture of covetousness than a deepened desire for God's kingdom.

The merchants have errected huge temples to themselves, they fly private jets, their children are in the best schools in foreign countries . . . yet they tell us we are poor because we have little faith.

Churches everywhere yet the Lord's people are starving for the true word of faith. Prayer has been replaced by demands for miracles, more money and yet more money. Messages that once convicted souls unto repentance have given way to motivational speeches and spiritually empty psychobabble.
1000 ways to retain your healing, 67 ways to get your dream car, 890 ways to increase your faith . . . please can someone show me where this exists in the bible or do i need to update my King James version?

they collect our tithes and offerings, they tax us with building offerings to build schools we cannot afford, they coerce us into offering free labour with carefully distorted bits of scripture . . . they whip us into a frenzy of spiritual delusion with sweet words and false hopes . . . when we dare ask questions they immediately admonish to "judge not".

- 2 Tim 4:3 For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; 4 And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.

Brethren, indeed we are in the last days.

The straight talk express loses a wheel

2008-10-31T02:41:00.001-04:00

SPLASH! Another rat just bailed out of the sinking ship of McSame's campaign.

Obama's Ps 23

2008-10-28T12:23:00.002-04:00

Some creative blogger here wrote this:

The Lord is Obama’s Shepherd,

He will not lack votes,

He makes him composed and not panicky;

The Lord leads him as like a Pastor tending great multitudes; The Roaring Crowds waving by;

Obama’s table hath the Lord furnished; In the full glare of Palin and McCain;

Obama’s Vote boxes overflow with votes;

White house and Oval Office therein shall surely await Obama;

And he will dwell and reign there-from four years and four more;

To the pleasure of all Americans and all Men of Goodwill the World over

Amen!

Father sues son for idleness . . .

2008-10-24T00:50:00.003-04:00

- So this was in the Nigerian vanguard of today . . .

A Bauchi-based businessman, Malam Sama’ila Tahir has dragged his 20-year-old son, Jamilu Sama’ila, before a Bauchi Lower Sharia Court for idleness.

Reports say that Tahir, a trader at the Bauchi Central market, had dragged his son before the court, asking the court to send him to prison for being idle.

Tahir also accused his son of belonging to a gang of criminals.
Tahir told the court that his son had refused to go to school or engage in productive activities in spite of counseling and guidance by his family.

“He is not listening to words and he is bringing shame to my family.
“I am tired of his nefarious deeds. Please, put this boy in prison so that I can be free,’’ Tahir pleaded.

In his submission before the court, Jamilu admitted the charges but sought for leniency.

In a ruling, the Presiding Judge, Malam Tanimu Abubakar, said the court was convinced by the voluntary submission of the charge by the accused and sentenced him to six months imprisonment under section 95 of the Sharia panel code.

The court also ordered the convict to 30 strokes of the cane for being disobedient to his parents, which were immediately administered at the court premises.

- Perhaps its time to convict Yar Adua to 30 strokes of the cane for spending more time in hospital than our seat of government.

What holidays?

2007-12-23T11:39:00.000-05:00

Each time i have to stand listening to Tv presenters or colleagues wish me happy holidays i just want to scream loudly "what holidays"?

The PC machine is active again, working overtime to ensure that with each passing year the christian significance of December 25 is eroded from public consciousness. Only 1 in 5 public schools in the UK will be putting up nativity plays this year.
We are constantly being told to tone down the religious significance of the birth of Christ so as not to "offend" those of opposite religious leanings. Using the term "merry christmas" in the media is probably likely to cost a job or at least a harsh reprimand. This in the same society that fell over itself in the bid to wish Jews a happy hanukah and a happy Eid to muslims just a few weeks ago?

While growing up as a child in Nigeria, christmas was all about the manger, the 3 wise men and the birth of the Saviour. Today's children now associate the "winter solstice" with decorative lights, toys and the white bearded man from the north pole.
Easter was first to be replaced by easter bunnies and mystery eggs, now atheists remind us that christmas was actually a pagan celebration stolen by the church. The irony is that those who claim NOT to believe in God would rather celebrate a day that early pagans reserved to worship the sun "god".

Everywhere is awash with signs wishing us a happy holidays, unfortunately few are bothering to ask . . . what really are we celebrating? Another period of greedy consumerism? Just like not everyone bothers to participate in ramadan celebrations, christmas is not forced on us all. Sadly no thanks to the commercialisation of christmas, everyone wants to be a part of it . . . with the exclusion of the religious aspect. With the help of political correctness they just might get their wish.

Mahmoud the blogger

2007-12-13T00:44:00.001-05:00

I stumbled on the blog maintained by the President of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, today while trawling the net.

On impulse i decided to leave a comment : Sir, isnt it hypocritical that you berate the US for fingerprinting foreign nationals? Are you telling us that visitors to Iran do not go through this purely security procedure? Why the cries about the US denying entry to people it deems a security risk? Since when did it lose its sovereign right to decide who enters its borders . . the same rights Iran enjoys? Isnt it the same Iran that forbids Isrealis from visiting Iran?
Pls sir, people who live in glass houses dont usually throw stones . . . you are throwing big rocks and very soon your glass house will come crashing down on you.
By the way, found any homosexuals in iran yet?

Let's hope it gets published . . . "after it has been reviewed".

I'm sure Mahmoud will get millions of visitors to his blog, less than 10% of them will be going there to read what he has to say. If it is anything along the lines of "there are no homosexuals in Iran" then lets all thank him for providing us some form of internet comic relief.

Give the Lawd a bigggg hand!

2007-12-10T00:33:00.000-05:00

Senator Charles Grassley is certainly on a collision course with the stupendously "blessed" leaders of the Word of Faith movement in the US. With the exception of Joyce Meyer, all other mighty men of Gawd have so far refused to respond to a congressional investigation into mismanagement of funds generated from tax-exempt "faith" ministeries.

Perhaps we need to remind the likes of Creflo Dollar, Benny Hinn and Kenneth Copeland that Jesus Christ was certainly a firm believer in respecting constituted government authority. One would have thought they would be only too happy to share in the bountiful "harvest" that Gawd has rewarded them with.
I wont be surprised if some are already preparing sermons on "persecution". It would be a good idea if they bothered to understand that Christ did not dodge his taxes by hiding under the banner of "touch not my anointed".

They came with the bible; dusty, poor and desperate . . . then told us to close our eyes and pray, by the time we opened them we had the bible and they had our salaries.

Give Gawd a big hand!

What would Mohammed do?

2007-12-06T22:15:00.000-05:00

"Why do people keep provoking the muslims? "

I allowed myself a brief moment to ponder over this question that was posed by a certain muslim shortly after the now typical muslim "outrage" over the Danish cartoons. If this is the real mindset of the average muslim then we are in deep trouble! If to draw a cartoon, attempt to preach gently, criticise and ask questions is to "provoke the muslims" then one wonders how much patience exists in this religion of "peace".

Gillian Gibbons is now back in the relative safety of Liverpool but the circumstances surrounding her sourjourn in Sudan will continue to dominate world politics long after she must have forgotten the spelling of the name "mohammed". How did thousands of Sudanese get so much time off work to wave clubs, knives and go chanting in the street for Gillian's head? Why the silence from those who constantly deceive us in the name of "moderate" islam? As the world slides ever closer towards the precipice of islamic hostage, i start to wonder when the bending over backwards to accomodate the violent cult that cloaks itself in the garments of "peace" will stop.

While muslims cry about the teddy bear named after a 7yr old pupil, there is pindrop silence about the several mohammeds slaughtering innocent Darfurians. In a nation where 200,000 have been killed and millions displaced in one of Africa's worst cases of genocide, the government seems more interested in fighting Mohammed's battles.

I start to wonder, what would mohammed himself have done? Would he be turning in the grave as muslims "hijack his religion"? A cursory look at the quran and hadith disabuse my mind . . . most likely mohammed would have asked for Gillian's head on a charger while laughing so excessively as to expose his molars.
Mohammed was no different from his adherents today, infact we do them a great diservice by expressing shock at their barbarity . . . they are only doing what allah loves best for "nothing is dearer to Allah than two drops and two marks: A drop of tears shed out of fear of Allah and a drop of blood shed in Allah's way".

Making sense of nonsense

2007-11-23T18:16:00.000-05:00

So I decided to spend a bit of the thanksgiving holidays catching up on a few Nigerian home videos, thanks to onlinenigeria.com I had a bit of a problem choosing one I felt would be worthy of a waste of 1hr.
Since Chioma Akpota happens to be my favorite actress I chose to sit through a movie titled “Price of Peace” . . . the title should have been a red flag, only Nigerian movies have such ridiculous story book titles.
I was surprised not to see Desmond Elliot on the line-up of actors; seems no movie can be made without him playing some role. Uche Jombo? If you want a movie with plenty of noise making, aimless theatrics and the stereotypical malevolent in-law then she’s all yours.

Oh I was going to describe the movie . . . perhaps you have even seen the same storyline a million times over with different or misleading titles. A rich boy with a mother (who happens to be a widow) and younger sister marries a wife. For no reason at all the “boy” and his wife still live under the same roof with his mother even though he is rich enough to afford his own apartment… the mother and sister hate the wife (don’t ask me why), the boy has an accident somewhere along the unintelligible and disjointed storyline, he gets paralyzed from the neck down but shockingly does not require a breathing tube!!
He gets depressed and commits suicide!
THE END!

There, I’m surprised it took the movie producers 2 CDs to tell us all I just summarized in 7 lines. Don’t ask me how all the females managed to keep the same hairstyle for up to 3 yrs and still look decent . . . I’m still trying very hard to console myself for having sat through all that mumbo jumbo. At least the mallam gateman provided some moments of rib-splitting comedy in an otherwise hopelessly uninspiring movie.

This is not to say that all Nollywood (there we can’t even be original!) movies are crap, but you’d be hard pressed to find one good one in a collection of 100. I’ll let you in on one secret . . . those of you wasting your money on sleep medication should just get one home video around bed time. . . you’d be fast asleep within 15mins! Just make sure you pay me for that tip.

New scapegoats for English soccer

2007-11-22T15:30:00.000-05:00

I watched with morbid glee as Croatia finally condemned England to the 2nd tier of world football with a clinical 3-2 defeat infront of over 88,000 fans at the hallowed grounds of Wembley.
The pelting rain might have been an ominous sign, it certainly washed away every single delusion that England have anything close to “world class” players. All I saw on show yesterday where a group of headless chickens and gutless athletes more interested in “covering every blade of grass” than passing the ball correctly.

However we can’t blame the English for their own woes, I have decided to come up with several reasons why England failed to make it to Euro 2008.

Croatia – Why did they have to play so well since they had already qualified?
Andorra – Why couldn’t they score against the Russians?
The linesman – he should have flagged the second Croatian goal offside.
The pitch – it was too muddy for “world class” English players.
The pressure – It was to blame for Carson’s school boy error.
Foreign players – They prevent future English “talent” from gaining “experience”.
Arsenal – Not one English player in the lineup?
Wenger – He hates English players.

There! I’m sure you can come up with even better reasons; just make sure to blame everyone else but those responsible for the calamity befalling English football!

Our turn to host

2007-11-20T01:03:00.000-05:00

When i was in elementary school we used to dream of health, food, housing, clothing, education... everything for all by the year 2000. Each time NEPA plunged us into another night of darkness plagued by mosquitoes, we took solace in the magical ability of the year 2000 to wipe away our sorrows. Anytime we had to sit at home because of prolonged strikes, we looked forward to a time when teachers salaries would be promptly paid and we would have free lunch in school...

7 yrs after the year that was meant to turn our deserts into flowing gardens, we are left with clutching at empty promises, dashed hopes and false dreams. A few weeks ago our kleptocratic leaders were busy angling for the rights to host the commonwealth games in the year 2014 allegedly on our behalf. While they were busy promising the world roads paved with gold in Sri Lanka, we the people they claimed to represent were trying to pick up the pieces of our shattered dreams. We knew the games were not about us... it was simply an opportunity for them to fleece the treasury through phoney contracts, outrageous estacodes and one more avenue to provide jobs for retired politicians like Yakubu Gowon.

Now that the entire world has seen through our deciet and rightly awarded the hosting rights to the more deserving city of Glasgow, we the people have finally come up with a better plan; good governance 2014!
It is about time we the people hosted good roads, uninterrupted power supply, health care, good education, jobs, security of lives and property, housing and food for all by the year 2014. Surely the "wise men" who drew the roadmap for the ill-fated commonwealth games bid would be able to channel their energies to making sure we the people they love so much are taken care of first.

Until we can provide for ourselves we have no right to demand to host tournaments that we are not sure of winning since we never prepare anyway... we spend too much money planning to host that we forget to plan to win.
Let our officials stop whinning about Africa's turn to host anything... let someone remind them that it is Africa's turn to host peace and development first!

Indeed we are genetically stupid

2007-11-01T21:14:00.000-04:00

Last friday during a lecture on vaccines, the professor boldly indicated NIGERIA as the one country in the world where polio is YET to be eradicated. I felt so ashamed to be a Nigerian that day. On what grounds could i have convinced the audience that day that indeed blacks are intelligent?
I am of the belief that God must have created us more for comic relief and to provide free labour and a willing gullible market for imported goods.If our continent was to experience 1/10th of the earthquakes, floods, tsunamis and wild fires that other nations face we would long have ceased to exist. Ordinary bar beach overflowing its banks and the entire VI comes to a standstill. . . and yet we claim to be intelligent.

Our governors are routinely guests of the police in foreign countries, the presidential jet is now known to be used as a means of laundering illegally acquired wealth . . . while the British can boast of the likes of Winston Churchill, all we have to show for 8 yrs of "democracy" is Andy Uba and Alhaji Adedibu!
The Greeks gave us democracy, we have given the world 419 and amala politics!

200,000 blacks in Darfur have been killed, millions displaced while our leaders fold their arms waiting for the EU and UN to provide funds and peacekeeping troops . . . and we disagree with Watson
Zimbabwe holds the world record for the highest rate of inflation recorded, Mugabe has just signed a law that will give him the powers to choose a successor. Somalia has remained a lawless piece of land since 1991 with no end in sight to the bloodletting . . . and we claim to be intelligent!
Our leaders run to London anytime they sprain their knees, tummy tucks are now the favorite past time of those we call leaders, others renovate new houses with N628m . . . while millions of children go to school with no food in their stomachs and with trees for classrooms. . . and yet we argue that we are intelligent.

In a nation of 140million, we have only produced one university graduate for president, a hair dresser is speaker of the house of assembly and holders of dubious diplomas parade the corridors of power . . . and we cry about being intelligent.

Malaysia came here to pick oil palm seeds, today they are the world's largest producers of oil palm. Somebody will still shed crocodile tears that we are intelligent.

Nigerians and the culture of crocodile tears

2007-10-21T01:16:00.000-04:00

When God created the Nigerian, he must have done so to provide some form of comic relief. As expected, Coach theophilus Adeyemi Tella has passed on and the very people who abandoned him to his fate are back in the forefront promising, pledging, releasing statements, vowing and of course shedding crocodile tears.

According to the Nigerian sunday guardian: "Former Nigerian Football Association (NFA) scribe Fanny Amu, who was a student of the late tactician at the Nigeria Institute for Sports (NIS), wept uncontrollably yesterday when called on phone. He, however, declined comments on the deceased, saying he was yet to believe the coach had died."

This was the same Fanny Amun who did not bother to show up all the two weeks Coach Tella was at LUTH, the same Amun who is part of the NFA that claimed a lack of funds for their inability to fly Tella abroad for treatment.
Yes it is the same Amun who is now "weeping uncontrollably" as if that will automatically wake Tella up from the grave. when will Amun believe that the coach has died? When he touches the hands and feet of the deceased? Perhaps Amun is waiting to offer Tella another coaching job.

Nigeria na wa!

2007-10-15T13:49:00.000-04:00

Governor Segun Oni of Ekiti State has sent 10 first class monarchs in the State to London to observe the 11th Ekiti Day celebration, which took place Monday.
The reason of sending the traditional rulers to London, the State Commissioner for Information, Apostle Odunayo Ategbero, explained yesterday was to brief Ekiti people in diaspora about what has been happening in the State and Nigeria. The commissioner was reacting to claims in some quarters that royal fathers in the state boycotted the 47th independence anniversary and celebration of the 11th year of creation of the state. He said that every local government in the State was “celebrating the anniversary also, so people decided to remain in their locality rather than coming to Oluyemi Kayode Stadium in Ado-Ekiti were Governor Oni came to deliver his speech as expected.”

NOTES: Only in Nigeria do public officials and cronies celebrate the aniversaries of a state in a foreign country! What were the monarchs "observing" in London? Do they have a branch of Ekiti state there?
They needed 10 (TEN!) monarchs to brief Ekiti people in diaspora about happenings in the state and Nigeria? In this day and age of the internet?
Nigeria na wa o!

World’s most expensive salt and other stories. . .

2007-09-09T22:22:00.000-04:00

2nd republic Nigerian politicians’ referred to themselves as “new breed politicians”, those who make up the current dispensation of our “nascent” democracy must view themselves as a “celestial breed” of politicians.

Embattled house speaker, Mrs. Patricia Etteh, is currently fighting for her political life in the face of allegations that she spent more than N500m to furnish an official apartment that was only renovated less than 5yrs ago. The same woman who allegedly claims to represent the voice of more than 70% of Nigerians who live below the poverty line is also accused to have inflated contracts to purchase private vehicles for herself and her deputy despite the fact that she already had 12 official vehicles. Madam Etteh of course attempted to pull the wool over our eyes by clutching desperately to the drowning straws of “due process” (an official garb for legalizing corruption). She will have to do much more than whine about her innocence to convince us that rugs, chairs and tables cost N500m!

Desperate in the face of mounting plots to probe her profligate regime, Madam Etteh and her defenders are going back to dig up dirt on some members of the last house of representatives. It is alleged that some past house leaders collected N8000 per week to purchase table salt for their offices. Perhaps they alone live on a separate island where their own specially manufactured salt costs about as much as a 50kg bag of imported rice!

Madam Etteh does not deceive us with her sudden zeal to probe the sleazy details of the last house leadership, she is merely doing this as a form of trade-off to scare the hypocrites crying loudly about corruption. We have been through this charade before, it is not about “due process” but about the private agendas of thieves, crooks and dishonorable men and women who parade themselves as servants of the people in the corridors of power.

Questions i would love to ask Umaru

2007-09-06T16:14:00.001-04:00

A high school student once asked US presidential aspirant, Sen. John McCain this question on a campaign stop at a New Hampshire high school;
"If elected, you'd be older than Ronald Reagan, making you the oldest president. Do you ever worry you might die in office or get Alzheimer's or some other disease that might affect your judgment?"

The boy was incredibly lucky, by now he would have been the guest of the EFCC accused of money laundering had he posed that question to the old chicken farmer from Otta who allegedly pretends to believe in the freedom of speech.

Who am I deceiving? How many political aspirants bothered to dignify Nigerians with a proper campaign for office beyond the glib newspaper adverts? While his colleagues were “debating” on live television, incumbent mallam Umaru was busy sleeping. I don’t blame him, he already knew the result!

Sir Umaru, if elected you’d be the first president with bad kidneys. Do you ever worry that you might die in office or spend the better part of your tenure on German hospital beds, a situation that might affect your performance?

Another student claimed; "I came here looking to see a good leader I don't."

Sir Umaru, I waited in vain for a vibrant and innovative leader, sadly I see none.

I only hope that like John McCain, Umaru would simply reply "I understand. I thank you, that’s what Nigeria and democracy is all about."

Of words left unspoken. . .

2007-09-04T23:00:00.000-04:00

Time they say is a thief of opportunities, after a couple of months in the gulag of inactivity the effervescent spirit of blogging returns with a vengeance and a renewed vigour. The inactivity may have had its desired effects; I have since developed an apathy to Nigeria’s intransigent system of government. I am no longer worried that more than 70% of Nigerians live on less than $1 a day; I am not bothered that Madam Patricia Etteh, allegedly one of Nigeria’s chief servants has chosen to use the entire budgets of several smaller African states to furnish her “official residence”. Don’t remind me about the hostage situation in the Niger Delta. Is the chieftain of Amala politics still holding the people of Ibadan to ransom?

I have stopped watching the news from Africa, there is nothing to watch besides famine, war, corruption, poverty and electioneering fraud. Like the retired farmer from Otta, I don’t even bother to read the newspapers again. There are more important matters of national security to attend to; the ministry of women affairs!

Serena Williams almost conspired to ruin my primetime tennis night, a combination of sluggish movement, ridiculous rash of unforced errors and a nonchalant approach to her Qfinal match ending in a 1-6 second set thrashing all combine to ensure I’m not going to be enthusiastic to see her play in another grand slam anytime soon. The piece of horsecrap she calls her hair? Ah that is the subject of another unbeweavable blog post!
While almighty Rafa teaches David Ferrer a tennis lesson, I lie in bed plotting the next strategy to deal with a belligerent colleague at work. I used to think gossip was the sole preserve of women; alas this guy absolutely puts all Iya Basira’s to shame!

I met a very cute chic on the first day of classes today. . . the fall semester is gearing up to be fun afterall!

While the world progresses, Africa is sleeping

2007-07-06T14:33:00.001-04:00

This is the state of African leaders at the present AU leaders summit. Is anyone still wondering why the Zimbawean inflation rate is the highest in the world at more than 2000%?

Alhaji Yar Asleep and the presidential go-slow

2007-06-25T01:28:00.000-04:00

No ministerial appointees, a paralysing one week labour strike, empty treasuries in most states with mountains of local debts, poor handling of the Niger Delta crisis; those are the depressing events that characterise the first month in office of the man many have since dubbed baba go-slow, a man whose friends claim is a legendary procrastinator.

The chicken farmer may not have transformed our nation to the eldorado he promised but his first few months in office gave every Nigerian a new hope for a better tommorrow.

Beyond repeating the usual political platitudes, there is nothing to convince the ordinary Nigerian that this presidency would be any different from the last. The verdict is damning, this presidency is either non-existent or fast asleep! While the government is locked in a titanic struggle to maintain gas prices at N75/liter, legislators are busy amassing the spoils of war by awarding themselves jumbo salaries and allowances that ensure a senator goes home with N8m per annum in allowances alone.

Umaru claims his goal is to transform Nigeria into one of the top 20 largest economies in the world by the year 2020, however Nigerians are tired of empty words that are at variance with the realities on ground. 7 years after the magical year 2000, Nigerians are still without food, health, education, good roads and good governance.

Yar asleep has indicated that his first three priorities would be the economy, how he hopes to rescue a non-existent economy is open for debate. The states are no more than rent collectors with state governors simply waiting for federal allocation before any activity begins.

No one knows what policy direction this government is intending to take, no goals, no vision, no mission statement. Tragically a mere "successful" transfer of power from one civilian government to the other is not enough, Nigerians expect their lives to improve tremendously. At this rate the nation seems to have gone into hibernation. God bless Nigeria!

The silence of hypocrisy

2007-06-06T20:58:00.000-04:00

Note: Just thots by a naijaman has been on break for a while due to unforseen circumstances. We are pleased to announce that this blog is once more back and active in the blogosphere. Thank you.

Most people are not aware that the Lebanese army is currently engaged in a fierce fire fight with islamic militants affiliated to al-qaeda in two Palestinian refugee camps around Beirut. The silence is deafening, but for a few lines in inconspicuous corners of the mainstream media no one seems to be interested in the casualties of this conflict.

Syria is uninterested, Iran is not calling for an immediate cessation of hostilities, the EU is not calling for a boycott of Lebanon, there is no word of a "massacre", pictures of "innocent" women and children are not adorning major electronic media.
Are these not the same palestinians famously touted to be only able to defend themselves with stones and sticks? Does this not qualify as a show of "disproportionate force" by the Lebanese army? Why is the UN not calling an emergency session to pass more worthless resolutions? Why are nations not volunteering peace keepers?

This conflict is one more reminder that the ruckus surrounding the last Isreali-Hezbollah conflict had very little to do with world wide sympathy for the "innocent" but an opportunity to vent anti-semitic sentiments using the dead as an excuse. It seems the UN is prepared to turn a blind eye to Arab-Arab conflicts while working overtime to pass a record number of resolutions any time the beleaguered nation of Isreal attempts to defend itself.
The whole world knows when one terrorist (albeit presented as an innocent palestinian) is killed by IDF forces but no one takes notice as long as the trigger happy murderers are arabs.

Alan Johnston remains in the custody of islamic militants yet all the BBC can muster are tiny whimpers to the effect that Alan was a voice to the palestinian people. What if his captors had been jewish?

Yar Adua, continuity and the rebirth of “well wishers”

2007-05-04T21:54:00.000-04:00

In 24 days, Umar Yar Adua will become Nigeria’s first (s)elected graduate president. Roll on the red carpet, the “well wishers” of the new president have begun trooping to “congratulate” him, an euphemism that is not totally lost on ordinary Nigerians. The “well wishers” are merely registering their presence in the hope of an opportunity to join the looting party to be inaugurated on May 29. One million faceless youths have started marching for Yar Adua just like they did for Abacha, the council of ulamas, those who maintained a criminal silence after the gruesome murder of a teacher in Gombe state for “desecrating” the quran are also “congratulating” the president-elect. Of course the traditional rulers are not to be exempted; they have long been angling for “constitutional relevance” under the excuse of being the “custodians of peace” in their enclaves.

Now that the PDP has “captured” Aso Rock for a third consecutive term, what does Yar Adua have in store for Nigerians in the next four years? Of course he has toed the well worn path of “continuity”, but this raises the question; continuity of what? Continuity in terms of disregarding court injunctions, massive looting, bad roads, dilapidated social infrastructure and collapsed energy sector? A continuation of massive rigging, shameless cross-carpeting, imposition of sharia and government in-fighting?

Yar Adua has pledged to extend a hand of fellowship to the opposition, how does he purpose to do that and to whose benefit? Is he merely trying to bribe them to prevent a deluge of protests over the bold faced rape of the people’s mandate that swept him to power?

Yar Adua’s greatest albatross will be gaining the credibility of western nations who have yet to congratulate him on his “victory”. As for the masses, there is no hope of an orange revolution, they can only pray that Umar’s kidneys will hold up long enough to enable him tackle several of the nation’s problems. Now that the elections are over, the “opposition” is now free to “congratulate” Umaru only to regroup in four years time when positions on the looting party are up for grabs again. God bless Nigeria.

Nigerian democracy is “Alive . . . well, and kicking,”

2007-04-25T22:54:00.000-04:00

Well, it's all about democracy, as some people will see it, and it's probably a test of the child of democracy. Of course, by the end of it, you will see that democracy is alive and kicking and strong. – Olusegun Obasanjo

In Ondo South Senatorial District, the PDP won by a “landslide” vote, amassing 318,153 votes while its rival labour party managed a meager 13,333 votes. The “miracle” may not be in that the PDP amassed an astounding 2300% more votes than the labour party but that it was able to do so without presenting a single candidate! Who are those who voted for having no representative at the senate?

If anyone was ever in doubt of the outcome of these past (s)elections, they were dispelled by Obasanjo’s do-or-die rallying cry for a PDP capture of the entire machinery of government. Yar Adua, the president-(s)elect, may as well have decided not to campaign, in today’s Nigeria, merely being the PDP flagbearer is enough to ensure “victory” at the polls. With widespread complaints of irregularities, large scale disenfranchisement, intimidation and vote rigging, it is clear this “nascent democracy” is not about the people but a certain cabal determined to retain a vicious grip on the public treasury in a country where political office may be the difference between wealth and poverty.

If as Obasanjo claims that this was a test of democracy, then it is a test that he has failed most woefully. The wishes of the people have been ridden roughshod, of course the “winners” are busy clinking champagne glasses and courting the press while the people resign themselves to another 4 years of massive looting, executive indolence and grinding poverty.

Obasanjo proudly claims that democracy is indeed alive, well and kicking; he is right, democracy in PDP terms is kicking the people’s wishes to the curb.

Sorry davidylan, you are banned from using this forum!

2007-04-23T13:48:00.000-04:00

Under conditions of tyranny it is far easier to act than to think. - Hannah Arendt

Tyranny manifests itself in several ways, in its simplest form it involves denying others the right to freedom of expression that we all assume to take for granted. It is far easier to criticize those in positions of authority while we ourselves in our little corners strive so hard to deny others the right to freely express their emotions.

In the last week, I must have been banned from nairaland at least 5 times for offences ranging from “daring" to ask why the admin chooses to refer to others as mumus, not being afraid of a ban, choosing to see things from the perspective of Virginia Tech gunman Seung Hui Cho, “stubbornly” defending men who are verbally assaulted by their women and “offtopic” posts.
While we accuse Obasanjo of using the power of incumbency to ignore court orders and entrench a dictatorial democracy, the Nairaland admin has surreptitiously assumed the authority of the “god” of the forum. From incessant and unwarranted removal of whole threads, arbitrary locking of posts, editing posts without the consent of the poster, removal of otherwise good threads some of which expose the hare-brained ideas of the admin to changing of usernames, the admin has chosen to go the way of other famous tyrants.

The once thriving forum has degenerated into a den of bored teenagers and sycophants. The praise-singer syndrome has taken over with those who criticize the admin finding themselves suddenly locked out of the forum for inexcusable reasons.
Many upstanding and intelligent members have left in disgust, many choosing not to even bother signing on to avoid the embarrassment of an over zealous college drop out who thinks the whole world of himself.
While otherwise decent threads are removed as long as they don’t fall in line with the warped ideas of the admin, sexually explicit threads are thriving. A forum that once used to be a fountain of ideas is no more than a place where children spend their time learning how to insult their mothers, write rap lines that would get the likes of Don Imus jailed for life and verbally assault each other while the admin gleefully looks on.

It would be foolish to assume a hypocritical position in claiming that Nairaland has not served as a melting pot to Nigerians both home and in the diaspora to engage in some cross-pollination of ideas, in the last 2 years it has been the one place where many have gone to reacquaint themselves with home and exchange playful banter. Interestingly as with many things Nigerian, those who build are inadvertently the same people who help to tear down.

I envisage a final and permanent ban after this post. It has been worth the while being on nairaland but as with all good things, it must come to an end one day. Perhaps Obasanjo, Abacha and Babangida were not monsters afterall, they are merely products of a society with an endemic “god” syndrome. Tyranny is not only evident at Aso Rock, in our little corners we are all guilty as charged.

In Cho's defence...

2007-04-21T23:29:00.000-04:00

"this is a lesson for all o. i think those American parents should learn a lesson or 2 from this. with the way their kids tease other people of different nationalities. i went to school abroad as well, and i can tell you that most people, even the adult students have no regard for others. if you aint speaking the language like them, or don't look like them, its hard to mix. i'm not generalizing, but its a pattern ive noticed. hence it leaves people feeling isolated from others. i think people should be taught these subtle signs and not to ignore others. no be by force, but at least make an effort to make other people feel welcome. this matter was a big issue in the school i went to. if you aint white, forget it. no-one wants to have anything to do with you, no matter how extroverted or social you are." - Soulpatrol (Nairaland)

Being a foreigner myself set me thingking... what could have made a man shoot 31 innocent people before taking his own life?

It's easy to plant flowers at memorials, write words we don't mean on tombstones and whiteboards, talk about how good people were on facebook. . . if only we did this when we each could appreciate each other perhaps such episodes could be a thiing of the past. How could a fellow not have any friends for 4 years?? Everyone is talking about him being the weird kid who never talked, some are busy posting his plays on the internet, professors are describing a disturbed kid they think they did a huge favour by sending to see a psychiatrist. Where was everyone when a simple "how did your day go" would have averted this problem?

How many times was Cho abandoned in the back of the class with everyone sniggering at that "weird asian kid who never talked"? I find it so difficult to imagine me sharing a room with another individual and him having issues that warranted psychiatric evaluation and police questioning and yet doing absolutely nothing! Only to appear on CNN after the shootings to hug the limelights as the room mates of a weirdo!!!

His family never visited and no one cared to ask why. He never went on holidays and no one bothered to invite him home even when they lived just a stone's throw from the school. He wrote scary plays and his classmates prefered to turn them into discussion points rather than reach out to someone who was clearly troubled. How many times do we push people away because they don't look like us, talk like us or think like us? How many times have we been so ignorant and selfish forgetting to help those around us who need just one person to make them feel loved and accepted? It is easy to talk about healing, fly flags at halfmast, cancel school, while pretending to honor the memories of those that died when we are merely reaping the fruits of our selfishness, rejection of others and inability to stretch a hand of fellowship.

Of course this in no way attempts to justify Cho's act but it is a reminder to us that there are thousands of other Cho's around us. They may never pick up a gun and shoot their classmates but deep inside are living a life that is empty. Luxury can never take the place of love and acceptance, if one person cared for his neighbour perhaps much more than stricter gun laws, we may be able to save someone else from going the lonely road to perdition.

I wonder what would have happened to Cho had he not carried out his act. Many of us leave college with healthy memories that would linger forever. What would Cho have left with?

Atiku; in defense of the rule of law I

2007-04-19T18:41:00.000-04:00

"I thank the Nigerian judiciary for saving this country from a seemingly one party rule and dictatorship. The judicial pronouncement has given confidence that it is indeed the last hope for the sustainability of the nation’s nascent democracy." – Atiku Abubakar

After 47 years of failed promises, only a foolish Nigerian would ever take the words of a politician with more than a pinch of salt. In a nation where politics is a full time job more about serving the pocket than actually serving the people and political office is a free ticket out of poverty it is no wonder that political ideology has been sacrificed on the altar of greed.

In a political landscape where cross carpeting is now the norm, not one of the numerous parties jostling for power can convincingly lay claim to having a central party principle. Political debates have been reduced to a mere façade with “anointed” politicians electing to make an “unavoidable absence” rather than face the people they keep claiming to want to serve.
Campaign promises no longer go beyond the glib “continuity”, abandoned projects are hailed as “dividends of democracy” while others busy themselves with building white elephant projects that have no bearing on a people struggling to feed themselves more than once a day on less than what our politicians require to feed their dogs.

While the nation burns under the rage of teenagers fighting Allah’s battles in Gombe, rebels turning the Niger Delta into a warzone and the Taliban staging another bloody comeback in Kano, our politicians continue deceiving us with economically unfeasible promises.
A few months ago, the Inspector General of Police proudly unveiled a new set of police uniforms in another cosmetic attempt to put old wine in new bottles. It is unlikely that a new set of uniforms will suddenly take our officers off checkpoints demanding N20 and magically produce a force where “oga no paper, no bullets, no vehicles” are no longer excuses to leave the poor masses at the mercy of armed robbers.

The most interesting drama up to the run up to the presidential elections has been the supreme struggle between Baba and his deputy on who holds the reigns to the treasury come May 29, 2007. While celebrating his victory at the Supreme Court allowing him to contest the presidential elections, Atiku claimed the Judiciary had just saved Nigerians from a seemingly one party rule and dictatorship. Is this the same judiciary Atiku routinely disobeyed when the going was good? Is it the same constitution that Atiku flagrantly disregarded by remaining in office after cross carpeting to another party to fulfill his selfish political ambition thinly disguised as an attempt to save democracy?

Black day in Blacksburg

2007-04-17T14:40:00.001-04:00

By 10am on Monday morning ET, 33 students and professors lay dead with scores injured when a lone gunman went on a shooting spree on the campus of Virginia Tech University.
The gunman, identified as 23 year old Cho Seung-Hui from South Korea, committed suicide after the spate of unprovoked shootings that has left an entire nation revisiting the Columbine high school shooting disaster all over again. The usual blame game has begun with many wondering why the school was too slow in alerting its staff and students after the initial shooting that left 2 dead in a dormitory.

Perhaps the most important question is to wonder why there are more young people living on the edge of sanity. Why has the government refused to tighten gun control laws in a nation where buying a gun is as easy as getting a loaf of bread? The constitutional amendments that gave citizens the rights to bear arms were enacted in an age were loading a gun took more than 10 minutes. In an age where guns can be found anywhere, can we all claim to be safe in the land of the free and the home of the brave?

Once revered ivory towers have now become a safe haven for unstable individuals looking for the next innocent life to snuff out. What sort of society breeds this kind of heartless souls? Not even in third world countries do we see 23 year olds carry guns to school and slaughter innocent students for no just cause. Could it be because we are too hungry to go looking for guns?

Don Imus; revealing the hypocrite in us

2007-04-14T21:42:00.000-04:00

Perhaps poor old Don Imus is somewhere nursing a beer while kicking himself for sacrificing his lifelong dream on the altar of political correctness. For merely describing the Rutgers female basketball team as a bunch of “nappy headed hos”, Imus had crossed the line, employing the sanctity of the airwaves to inadvertently expose his own inner demons of racial prejudice.

Imus’ remarks did not come without the usual hysteria. NAACP leaders “condemned” him, self styled black rights advocates in the Revs Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton once again found their voice demanding his removal from his position at the CBS, corporations withdrew adverts for his show, by the time Imus had gotten round to making his insincere apology, the tide of racial prejudice had swept him away from the airways he once ruled like a colossus for more than 20 yrs.

But for those who bother to self reflect, the Imus episode has once again revealed a new brand of racial prejudice camouflaging as political correctness. Why did Imus lose his job for a statement that is used on a daily basis by others? Why is it wrong for Imus to use a word that bombards us daily on TV shows, billboards, hiphop music and movies?
Since when did it become a sin for certain individuals to use certain words based on the color of their skin? Am I allowed to say the word “nigger” in public yet Imus must lose his job for merely repeating what I said, simply because he is white? Is it justifiable that Imus lost his job while Ludacris remains a platinum selling artist singing about hos in different area codes?

There is no justification for Imus’ behavior, but perhaps those of us crying the loudest need to take more than a cursory look at ourselves. The word’s “nappy headed hos” did not originate from Imus and his white friends. The black community invented the words, glamourised it and introduced it into mainstream use, to crucify others for merely calling us for the names we invented for ourselves is the highest form of hypocrisy.
Imus may be gone but his words remain very much with us, on our streets, in the churches and even in our homes.

"Hello… Umoru, Obasanjo speaking"

2007-03-12T00:25:00.000-04:00

Every Nigerian knows Umoru is sick, well that is with the exception of sycophants from the People’s Deceiving Party, Umoru himself and the miracle working agbada dictator at Aso Rock.

Very few Nigerians know Umoru, well until he was forcefully “anointed” as the presidential flag bearer for the PDP ostensibly to protect the interests of a certain cabal.

Last week millions of Nigerians fell over themselves trying to obtain the latest information on Umoru’s health after he was forced to take a “break” from a “grueling” campaign trail that had left him “breathless” and with no option but to make an emergency “routine medical check up” in Germany aboard an air ambulance. PDP spin doctors, employed solely to tell lies on behalf of the government, told us he was merely going on the advice of his doctors, but Nigerians knew better. The timing and hasty manner with which Umoru made a “routine doctors visit” raised underlying suspicions that they were being forced to accept a dying man as the leader of the world’s most populous nation.

The unprecendent interest in Umoru’s well being was not about the people’s love for a charismatic leader, rather it was a silent protest by those who knew Umoru had been merely playing checkers with his life when he challenged doubters to 12 straight games of squash to prove his fitness to lead the nation. Nigerians have every right to be disturbed about a leader who thinks 12 games of squash is an indicator of his state of health. Perhaps he knew no one would be bold enough to send him to an early grave by taking him up on his challenge.

Rather than quell the growing rumors, Obasanjo and his henchmen chose to spend the time spreading lies, contradictions and hurling outright curses on those who dared tell the truth about the true nature of Umoru’s health. Baba it was who once stared him in the eyes and asked: “Umaru, was your sickness healed? Was it in 2001 or thereabout?” Umoru nodded in the affirmative but no one knows if he believed in miracles. Obasanjo took the charade to monumental levels with his “hello Umoru, Obasanjo speaking” abracadabra. Nigerians even grew more despondent, out of 150million capable Nigerians, they were being forced to accept a man who was campaigning from his sick bed in far away Europe. Many of us are no longer surprised, in a Nigeria where prisoners win senatorial elections, it would not be out of place if Umoru won the presidential elections while hooked up to life support machines in Germany.

Umoru has siiince returned from his routine medical check up. Nigerians still do not trust that his kidneys are strong enough to cope with the rigours of a disintegrating nation and a restive populace. We have been told that to win the elections is a do-or-die affair, perhaps Umoru might want to consider which part he is willing to choose in the face of those rail roading him to his death in the interest of their pockets. Nigerians surely do not want a president who spends more time on sick beds than at his desk even if it is merely on the advice of his doctors. He may have won this round but time will tell if a man who feels “breathless” merely crisscrossing a land mass the size of the state of Texas will survive the next bout.

Sadly with the elections a mere 4 weeks away, the most important agenda for national discourse is not how to move the nation forward but on the state of Umoru’s kidneys.
Baba has vowed that no amount of “blackmail”, not even unhealthy kidneys, will prevent the PDP from recording a “landslide victory” in the coming elections. One wonders if Umoru will still be standing after the dust from the “landslide victory” has settled.
Surprisingly he is yet to invite us to another game of squash; many of us are eagerly waiting.

Arabic inscriptions on the naira.

2007-03-06T18:43:00.000-05:00

New Naira notes: Sultan, Adegbite, others insist on Arabic signs

This is one more reason why Nigeria will continue its downward slide into retrogression.We have a sultan, supposedly the defacto leader of the north, more concerned with inscriptions on the naira than its actual market value. Of what use is arabic inscriptions if the naira is almost N200 to $1?
Until we move away from the semantics and begin to face the real issues, i'm afraid Nigeria will remain mired iin corruption and ineptitude! Are these the kinds of "leaders" that have been entrusted with our future?
These men are more worried about keeping islamic inscriptions in the face of grinding poverty, poor infrastructure and a prostrate educational system.

How many notes actually get to the common man? Is the common man more interested in reading inscriptions on the naira than its purchasing power?

The sultan is free to move his subjects to Niger or Chad were they truly belong. They might be more likely to accept quranic inscriptions on their notes.

To be a Nigerian is not by force.

Idols: Laughter, tears and religion

2007-03-01T20:28:00.000-05:00

American Idol
Shocker of the night! How did AJ go home ahead of the shockingly untalented Sanjaya? Some twinkle toed children have started playing with their daddy's phones again!
What an amazing bunch of talented singers, this must go down as the best idol season i have seen in 3 years. More than the talent, it takes a lot of courage to sing before millions of viewers 3 nights a week.
But as with everything in life, there must be one winner, and so some must go home, tears must roll down our cheeks as we say goodbye to those we have come to love, budding friendships must end, and for both the winners and the losers, life must go on.
Melinda Doolittle, Lakisha Jones and Stephanie Edwards make me proud as an African. Keep it going girls, you rock!!!
My pick for this years winner? You guessed right! Melinda Doolittle!!!
And the cutest chic???? Jordin Sparks!!!
Hey, say a quick goodbye to Nick, Alaina and Leslie.... see you guys around next time!

Idols West Africa
Had a long tiring day? Need to unwind? Need a laugh to keep the bones merry? Get a clip of one of the west African idol auditions. From the good to the manageable to the hilarious, listen and crack ya ribs!
And wait! What's with half of the contestants all choosing to sing christian songs? Are all west Africans now born again christians or is this the west african christian idol?

Dis kain democracy na wa

2007-03-01T00:59:00.000-05:00

No Atiku, no election, AC warns

- What about the wishes of the people?

What a collosal waste of funds the voters registration exercise has turned out to be. Since God has already "anointed" our new set of leaders, why are the people still bothering to vote?

Prayer, Tears, as Weapons of Mass Distraction

2007-02-28T07:56:00.000-05:00

While the Adamawa state house of assembly is busy putting finishing touches to its attempt to impeach the incumbentgovernor Boni Haruna, our dear Boni is busy shedding tears before the Lord as Yakubu Gowon and other religious pretenders attempt to bribe God on his behalf.

The legislators had earlier served Boni with an impeachment notice for alleged gross misconduct and inability to perform the functions of office as demanded by the 1999 Constitution. Other honorables also accused the Governor of "anti-party" activities, an euphemism for any excuse to get rid of a sitting incumbent who has refused to play ball.
The issue however is not in the legitimacy of the alleged offences of the governor, rather it is the increasingly alarming manner that our "leaders" have chosen to respond to various allegations leveled against them. Rather than prove his critics wrong with proof of his 8 yr stewardship to the people of Adamawa state, Boni has chosen to distract us by shedding tears in the house of God. Yakubu Gowon and his ragtag army of hired prayer warriors promptly responded to Boni's crisis by holding a prayer service to "pray against his impeachment by the state house of assembly".

As at 2005, 6 yrs after Boni promised the people of Adamawa state the dividends of democracy, there are no good motorable roads, electricity supply is eratic, water supply is non-existent, medical services have collapsed, schools have since relocated to the shelter of trees with poorly equiped teachers and inadequate teaching materials. Yet Boni has taken the fight against his impeachment to the Lord in prayer. Pray, can Boni claim that the legislators do not have a valid reason to kick him out of office for failing the people he swore to protect? There are no viable industries in Yola, civil service is merely an opportunity for the governors friends to "come and chop", nothing works in Yola and yet Boni is busy pleading with God to spare him the ignominy of an impeachment.

If indeed Boni and his band of "prayer warriors" are sure his hands are clean, why has he refused to take the matter to the court of public oppinion? Let Boni tell us what he has spent the last 7 yrs doing for the people of Adamawa state then maybe we too can join hands in begging God to avert the sword of impeachment dangling over his head. Until then he should be rest assured that God is not listening to those who have slaughtered the future of the masses on the alter of greed and corruption.
Let him stop using crocodile tears and God's name to distract us from the most important question here.

Women, an Exercise in futility

2007-02-27T08:56:00.000-05:00

There is but one question every male will have to ask at one point in his life; "What really do women want"?
Does a woman mean whatever she says? Is there a dictionary that could serve as a guide to knowing the inner workings of this handiwork of the matchless artwork of the creator?Unfortunately, perhaps women are one of the few inhabitants of nature that come without a user manual. Man is left fiddling with buttons hoping to figure out some way to understand this complex creature without whom life as we know it would be virtually impossible.

Women are all around us, they are our wives, mothers, sisters, friends, cousins yet we know so little them. We do not know what they want, how they think,what they feel. They say one thing when they mean the exact opposite, they dance in and out of our lives, a few leave us satisfied, the vast majority leavingus pondering if women are a vocation worthy of spending a lifetime studying since they are determined to leave us out in the cold.

When a woman talks about love, she means it in a thousand ways different from that of the average man. When a woman asks to be left alone, you are left wondering if she is actually saying this is the moment she needs you the most. Women do not come with a warranty, it is impossible to return them to their maker when they become faulty, they are one "purchase" with a clear warning label on them; "use of this product comes at your own risk".
Yet every man is more than willing to trot to the "store" to make his own "purchase".

When we are born we ask the same question, when we return to the grave there shall be that one question still on our lips, unanswered, unsolved, and no closer to the answer than when we first asked; "what really do women want"?

… to be a president is not by force.

2007-02-17T21:28:00.000-05:00

While you’re reading this, Nigeria’s ceremonial vice president is on his way to report his country’s “undemocratic” attempt to prevent him from seeking the highest office in the land.
EFCC recently turned justice on its head by declaring several of Baba’s political enemies as standing accused of defrauding the people with Athiefu Abubakar as the prime target. Baba himself has declared that the issue of the forthcoming presidential election is one of “life and death” for the PDP. In other words, it does not matter what the people want, a man with kidney failure and a former assistant to a rogue have been “anointed” as Nigeria’s new looters in chief of the Nigerian treasury come May 29.

A few weeks ago, Atiku went to report his “enemies” to “prominent US government officials” now he is on his way to solicit the help of our former colonial masters. Why has he refused to bring his grievances to the court of the people of Nigeria? Are American and British officials going to vote in our elections? Could it be that even he knows that in Nigeria’s unique nascent democracy, the people don’t really matter?

Why has he refused to prove his innocence in the face of the corruption charges rather choosing to sidestep the issue by blaming faceless detractors? Who is telling the truth? Atiku or the EFCC? Do the people have no right to know that those parading themselves as presidential aspirants are truly men of integrity?

Why must Atiku be president at all costs? Even at the cost of his honor and integrity?

Politics aside...

2007-02-13T09:50:00.000-05:00

I had my first satisfactory lab meeting yesterday after about 5 attempts and other ingenious attempts at avoiding having to do it. From now on, public speaking na carry go!

Barak Obama has finally thrown his hat into the ring, for the first time America will have to choose between two historical firsts, a first American woman president or the first black president of the world’s greatest super power. The contest is sure to deepen as the year draws to a close with the war on Iraq the biggest political trump card. With that, the Bush bashing brigade continues.

Tomorrow is supposedly a day for love. Love ko, hate ni. Maybe there shall be many red roses In the lab tomorrow, woman plenty for this our end. I shall not bother to go near the malls, it would be too depressing.

Strangely I seem to have run into a mammoth crowd of women suffering from PMS. Is there no way it can be labeled on faces so we can avoid them?

I hear Baba and Atiku are still slugging out over who becomes commander in thief of the Nigerian public treasury come democracy day 2007. Long may their fight continue!

Did I forget to update you on the bachelorette thingy? The votes have been rigged!

Finding a wife on the blogosphere…

2007-02-10T12:12:00.001-05:00

Ok if you have not been getting your daily dose of laughter, abeg visit the bachelorette competition that has been taking the Nigerian blogosphere by storm.

Kudos to DiAmOnDHawk for the ingenius idea, once more my enthusiasm for Naija blogosphere has been rekindled after a few months of smoldering ashes.

9 unknown bachelors are supposed to be fighting for the hands of our dear bachelorette in an intense competition aimed at bringing out the best in the art of wooing a woman with literary skills. If you have ever seen the bachelor or the bachelorette on TV, then this show is meant for you.

Don’t just sit here readiing this, go there and vote! Vote rigging dey there o, I hereby call on INEC to cancel this “election”, disqualify all other bachelors and declare bachelor # ….. the winner. Most of the bachelors there are corrupt, they have looted the treasury and are accused of disloyalty! Lol!

Keep fingers crossed, this indeed are good times. Perhaps I might just nip over there to steal one of those delectable naija babes. Who talk say Nigerians are not the happiest people in the world?

Now that “God” is no longer a Nigerian.

2007-02-09T15:30:00.001-05:00

Ghana 4 Nigeria 1

That was the screaming headline the day after the Black Stars of Ghana officially took over the reigns as the best national football team in Africa after many years of a wobbling and fumbling performance from the wingless chickens who owe more to the nationality of “God” than to their own individual brilliance for their long reign on the throne.
Within 8 minutes, we were rudely awoken from our slumber; suddenly we realized that most of our “stars” were no better than an overhyped, overpaid and undisciplined bunch of rag tag individuals. For those of us who could see beyond the occasionally “God” inspired pyrrhic victories, the hand writing had been on the wall for a long time. Losing to Angola away, struggling to score against a weakened Ghana side that had more than 2 of their first eleven out, huffing and puffing to an unconvincing home victory against Niger republic, we all knew it was a matter of time before we were firmly put in our place by a disciplined side.
While nations like Rwanda, Togo and the Faroe Islands were busying themselves with meaningless friendlies, our FA bosses were busy squabbling over handing over notes. Only in Nigeria do employers go searching for their employees, we all knew it had more to do with estacodes than actually finding us a “world class” technical adviser.
Now even “God” Himself has decided to have no further part in our planless staggering from one competition to the other relying more on individual brilliance than actual team effort. Galadima once told us it was not our birthright to qualify for the world cup while he himself attempted to make the FA chairmanship his own birthright. Now we have realized that we no longer have a monopoly of “God”, that other nations too are busy praying while doing the right thing to ensure success.
At the rate our sports is descending to an all time low, even Benin Republic will fancy beating us in our backyards very soon. Those prone to heart attacks have since stopped watching the wingless chickens play football, the rest of us are no longer bothered to put ourselves through an excruciating 90mins praying to a “God” who has chosen to pitch his tent with those who care to plan.

Nigeria we hail thee!

2007-02-08T15:09:00.000-05:00

For the last 40 or so odd years, Nigerians have had to endure ridicule in the hands of its leaders/looters who have always mouthed the weather-beaten refrain of keeping Africa as the focus of her foreign policy. It is no longer news that such a policy is in itself foreign to Nigerians.
During the oil boom of the 1970s, rather than plan ahead for the future, visionless leaders imposed on us through the barrel of the gun preferred to spend our oil boom paying salaries of civil servants in Guinea and Haiti! Today, even those countries have better social infrastructure than we do. Our educational sector has collapsed, our taps are dry, electric bulbs are mere monuments, roads are death traps and hospitals have become mortuaries for those ready to make the transition from their painful existence to the grave.
While millions of Nigerians continue to flood the already over-saturated “labor” market, Pfizer is downsizing its operations in Nigeria and Michelin has announced the closure of its Port Harcourt plant. The result is more hardship for the over 70% of Nigerians who were already living below the poverty line.
While we spend endless time and money trying to export peace to our African brothers the Niger Delta rages with daily violence and kidnappings, while our soldiers were dying in their thousands in Sierraleone and Liberia, armed robbers and assassins were having a field day at home.
For a country that generates less than 10% of its daily energy needs, the news that we have just signed an agreement to cushion Ghana’s energy crisis comes as no longer news. We have long since realized that government is really not about the people, it is about the grandiose egos and the bank accounts of those who are shouting at the top of their lungs about corruption and democracy.
While we continue to make Africa the cornerstone of our alien policy, those same countries have Nigeria at the bottom of their list of countries to take seriously. Well except when we offer to once again help them pay their civil servants!

Andy Uba: Hypocrisy of a born-again servant

2007-01-30T20:32:00.000-05:00

It is not every day that we get to assess the cerebral ability of those who parade the corridors of power, claiming to be servants of the people while they trample rough-shod over the rights of the hapless masses.
For a man who has been under the scrutiny of the media for all the wrong reasons, it is not surprising that Andy Uba himself has chosen to fight his battles by turning to his media spin doctors. Unfortunately, rather than clear the air surrounding the allegations that have trailed his recent “anointing” as the governor-in-waiting for Anambra state, Andy chooses the way of deceit, parading himself as the servant of a people whose future he and the cabal at Aso Rock have helped to mortgage.

In a recent article in the Guardian Newspapers, Andy had this to say; “it is crystal clear that there is nothing dear to our people as a leadership dedicated to ministering to their needs. They want leaders who truly see themselves as servants of the people, rather than imperial lords.” Is Andy Uba aware that his own brother whom he “affectionately” refers to as the godfather of Anambra politics has paraded himself as an imperial Lord over the mandates of Anambrarians? Was this not the same man who watched silently while a sitting governor was abducted under mysterious conditions?
Andy Uba echoes the mentality of the average Nigerian when he says; “It is a pity that there are still people in the political class who seek power not to do good or fight for the common good, but for self-aggrandisement. All this is in spite of the Federal Government's spirited effort since 1999 to create a new social order by fighting corruption and abuse of power with all the resources at its disposal. The understanding of political power by some politicians does not go beyond amassing wealth and living like conquerors of their own people.”
Perhaps Andy would like to explain what his role in government has been beyond self-aggrandisement and wanton looting of the treasury. It is hypocritical that the same Andy who is preaching about corruption has yet to explain why he chose to spend $170,000 to buy a car in a country where 70% of the population live on less than $1 a day. Can Andy himself come to equity with clean hands?

Nigerian politicians have created an artificial chasm between them and the people they purport to “serve”. They do not drive on the roads they collectively helped to ruin, they do not visit our mortuaries aka primary health care centers, their children are spread all over the best schools in Europe and America and yet these same hypocrites demand our votes every four years promising us heaven on earth. To them, dividends of democracy do not go beyond providing free eye glasses, constructing a few blocks of classrooms without adequate books, qualified or well-paid teachers.
When Andy Uba blames other politicians for creating an artificial “us versus them” mentality, he forgets that his sacred cow status as a stooge of our dictatocratic president already allows him a priviledged status for which he is taking full advantage.

Andy Uba does ask a pertinent question when he wonders why the critical Nigerian civil society, including the media, have kept mute in the face of political abuse of power. Thanks to the same media he has chosen to malign, we now know the true face of the likes of Andy Uba who are only pretending to court the people in a bid to continue raping the treasury. Thanks to the media, we now know that Andy was once a convict in the USA, did not obtain the Phd he flaunts around and would not think twice about breaking the laws he has sworn to protect to ensure his personal comfort at the expense of the people. Rather than keep wondering where the media has been, Andy would be better advised to answer the various questions posed by the media on his own integrity.
Andy has “vowed” to do away with unnecessary titles that have become the hallmark of those who purport to “serve” the people. Let us remind him that governance is more than refusing to accept titles, it is about improving the lives of the people who have entrusted him with their votes.
There is one thing one is wont to agree with Andy Uba on, the fact that we need an urgent paradigm shift. A paradigm shift away from two-faced hypocrites like Andy Uba.

Nigeria: While we are praying

2007-01-18T20:31:00.000-05:00

Nigerians love to pray! On the streets, in the church, mosque, shrines, at home, while travelling, eating, sleeping, stealing public funds, mismanaging our national resources, collecting bribe at illegal road blocks, every where a Nigerian is praying.God has become the sole property of the federal republic of Nigeria, unfortunately rather than being the focus of a nation deeply in search of spiritual renewal, He has become the last resort of the common man struggling desperately to brave the storm of official indolence, corruption and gross ineptitude.

When over 500 people died in our air coffins, we promptly blamed the devil and reported the matter to God. It does not matter that our roads are no better than death traps, that our public transport system is made up of dangerous metallic contraptions, that armed robbers are better trained than our unfed policemen, that our students spend more time at home than in the classroom, that street hawking is now considered bonafide employment; we do not care, we would rather kneel down in prayer than tackle our fundamental problems.

While we are busy praying, Aso Rock is presently engulfed in a bitter power tussle that is more about access to the public till than service to the people. While we are praying, Atiku is busy cooling his heels in the USA trying to bribe his way into office. While we are busy on our knees with our eyes firmly closed, hoodlums have hijacked our oil fields, cows and goats are being counted as part of the population and the public treasury emptied into private bank accounts. Each time our nation is plunged into a tragedy that is a direct consequence of our ineptitude, our leaders "mourn", "vow" and urge us to pray while we wait anxiously for the next disaster.While we struggle with candles to read our bibles and qurans, Ghana has celebrated more than 6 years of uninterrupted power supply.

Gowon took us to the precipice of collapse during a 3 yr civil war and destroyed our regional system of government replacing it with parasitic and non viable states that have become a huge burden on our oil reserves, yet he leads a renegade band of political jobbers urging us to pray. After 8 years presiding over a civilian militocracy, baba will return to the classroom to learn how to pray.

Religion has been described as the opium of the people. It is not really that Nigeria is a nation of spiritual people, it is simply because our (s)elected representatives have failed us that we look towards our last source of hope; God!Unfortunately it is those same leaders who are urging us the loudest to take our self-inflicted problems to the Lord in prayer!

NPC: Wuruwuru to the answer

2007-01-12T08:13:00.000-05:00

According to the 1991 census figures, Kano state was purported to have a population of 5,632,040 while that of Lagos was put at 5,685,781.Since 1991, Jigawa state has been carved out of the old Kano state. According to population figures for 2005, Kano and Jigawa states have a combined population of 13,732,331 – an amazing growth rate of 143.83% in less than 15 years! Lagos on the other hand could only manage a meager 58.53% within the same time frame.

According to UN estimates, Lagos was estimated to have a population of 13.4million in 1999 and 23.2million inhabitants in the year 2015! While Lagos is predicted to become one of the world’s most populous cities in the next 10 years, the UN apparently seems to have overlooked Kano and Jigawa states, perhaps the only places in the world with the most phenomenal growth rates! High infant and maternal mortality, low life expectancy, poverty and death rate does not seem to have affected these “special” states.
This census is indeed about development, it has NOTHING to do with the illegality of revenue sharing!

Welcome to Nigeria!

Random musings…

2007-01-10T13:56:00.001-05:00

I don’t feel like working this week… praps the work bug is still on vacation and is taking a while to get used to doing much more than eating and sleeping.

Nairaland is becoming a boring place. The stimulating topics are no more; the engaging individuals who once made it my favorite watering hole are long gone replaced by inanities, little boys pretending to be men, women with claws sharper than cats and religious bigots already sharpening their canes to beat their wives “lightly”.

Nigeria just scored one more first! We are the first nation to stand human logic on its head; thanks to Makama and his ojoro census there are more people in the desert than live in tropical rain forest regions!

Alhaji Athiefu Abubacha is still on “holiday” in a country where his hosts are busy trying to better the lives of their citizens. While the storm of his illegal cross-carpeting rages on, the dishonorable vice-president is busy wasting public funds and plotting his return to power to continue with his rigorous routine of sleeping on the job!
In six months time, baba will be packing his textbooks and heading for the classroom. After 8 yrs at the helm of our nascent civilian militocracy, he will be handing over to a 62 yr old anointed president with kidney problems.
Yar’Adua has “vowed” there will be no sacred cows during his tenure, were did I hear that song before? Was it not some certain sacred chickens who smuggled him in as the presidential aspirant of the People’s Destruction Party?

I heard the CBN is finally introducing new naira notes next month. About time they did that, our cross carpeting political prostitutes are tired of lugging large Ghana-must-go bags to buy votes and political office.

I’m in a weird mood I haven’t felt for more than 2 yrs now, the kind of mood that comes around when a woman is on my mind. God dey!

Now to borrow the new buzz word around the lab, I’m just going to “bugger off” and pretend to get some work done!

Cows and goats as part of the population

2007-01-09T20:21:00.000-05:00

"…like Nigerians who don't know how to count themselves".
- Kahinda Otafiire, Uganda

After months of uncertainty, intrigues and political gerrymandering, an amorphous cabal known as the National Council of States has approved the “official” census figures submitted by the National Population and “ojoro” Commission (NPC).
According to the mythical figures, Kano state has the highest population with 9.38 million people thumping Lagos state with a meager 9.01 million citizens. This result alone is another sad reminder that we as a nation have not learnt anything from our past political misadventures. Despite the quick recourse to “one Nigeria”, we are still a “nation” in search of its soul.
Pray, what kind of census portrays Kano as being more populous than Lagos state? Where cows and goats mistakenly counted? Who are those phantoms in Kano? Where are the seaports, banks, oil companies and various industries that make Lagos the eldorado of the unemployed situated in Kano? Are there groundnut pyramids that we have failed to see?

How did we end up with more males than females?

Once again while we make ourselves the laughing stock of the whole world, throw billions of naira down the drain in the name of a fraud of a census, we only succeed in conjuring mysterious numbers to perpetuate the illegality called revenue sharing. This is the legacy that the military has bequeathed to us, an unworkable civilian millitocracy that benefits a tiny ruling cabal. They are the only ones who cannot see that we are presently at the precipice of collapse.

Reflecting on 2006!

2006-12-30T03:44:00.000-05:00

I pinched this off SGL's blog, have fun!!!

1. What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before? I can't tell you!! It wasn’t necessarily a good thing whichever way you look at it.
2. Did you keep any New Year's Resolutions? What a waste of time.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My cousin! She was only 15!!!
4. Did anyone close to you die? None.
5. Did you visit any countries? I looked longingly at the skylines of Toronto.
6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? A car, a steady girlfriend/fiancée, an Xbox.
7. Will any date from 2006 stay etched in your memory forever? Not really
8. What was your biggest achievment of 2006? I finally realized I could achieve my dream of being a scientist.
9. What was your biggest failure? I hurt my dad.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Just a bit of the flu.
11. What was the best thing you bought in '06? My laptop that I fondly refer to as “my machine”! It’s my most precious possession, virtually all my life revolves around it.
12. Did your behavior change over the year? I have learned to stand up for myself. I think I grew a little impatient.
13. Where did you spend most of your money? Gas and electric, cable, wireless internet service, phone bills.
14. Are you happier than this time last year? Not really, more satisfied would be more like it.
- Thinner or fatter? I gained more pounds, I’m no longer skinny!!!
- Richer or poorer? No difference.
15. What song will remind you of 2006? None really, I listened mostly to older hits.
16. What do you wish you would have done more of? My spirituality!!
17. What do you wish you would have done less of? Working too hard, I lost my first girlfriend because I was too busy for her.
18. What did you do for Christmas '06? Visited family friends for a party after opening presents with my cousins.
19. Did you fall in love in 2006? In and out of love.
20. Did you get your heart broken in 2006? Not exactly
21. Favorite TV program of '06? I was perpetually tuned to Fox soccer channel
22. Do you hate anyone now that you didnt hate this time last year? No one. Except sista who made me upset.
23. What was the best book you read and/or movie you saw? I don’t dig movies that much, as for books I busied myself with journals and textbooks.
24. What was your greatest discovery? I found out I had problems with staying in love with foreign girls!
25. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you? I did nothing but go to work!! I was 24!
26. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? A girl who could bear my work schedule.
27. What kept you sane? GOD!
28. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2006? Anything, so long as I got to the lab.

friends,
29. Who was the best new person you met? Ryan.
30. Who did you wish you did not meet? She lives in buffalo!
31. Who was your best friend? My 4 best friends still have their spot in my heart. I love u guys!!!!
32. Who was your enemy? None, it would be a waste of time.
33. Who do you miss? I miss my mom, my immediate younger brother, my former girlfriend (she taught me what it meant to love!), my best friends!
34. Who will you never forget? Babygirl!
35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006: Wherever you are, home always will be the best! Never take a woman for granted!
36. What will you always remember about 2006? A chequered love life! I never wish to repeat same again!

aspirations for 2007,
37. What do you want to do in '07 that you couldn't/didn't in '06? Get a steady girlfriend, attend a science conference, go to Canada, pass my qualifying exams, get good reviews on my spring seminar.
38. Any resolutions? I would have forgotten by day 2!
39. Do you want to make more friends in 2007? Yes of course!
40. Anything you want to change about yourself for 2007? Be more outgoing!

Sheriff and the foot-in-mouth disease

2006-12-28T05:23:00.000-05:00

Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. In Nigeria, governance has become synonymous with personal enrichment and power is now a euphemism for total disdain and unmatched disservice to the people.
Power makes our leaders invisible to the people, they live in a fantasy world where inflation is only 8% and white elephant projects are heralded as democratic dividends.
Our leaders are also notorious for contracting the highly contagious foot-in-mouth disease, a chronic condition whose symptoms include a god-complex and a gross disconnect between the mouth and the brain. Fani Kayode taught us why money, power and respect for elders do not go together, Frank Nweke reiterated the inconsequentiality of Nigerians in diaspora while Baba has since invented abusing his vice president as a national past time.

No one aptly embodies the utter disregard Nigerian leaders hold their people than the Borno state Governor Alhaji Ali Modu Sheriff. While responding to allegations of his administration’s bad publicity, Sheriff declares:

“A lot of falsehood has been published over the years in newspapers about my government and I never lose sleep over them. Because less than five percent of Borno people can read and understand what is written in newspapers,”

While the world continues to develop at an alarming rate, Sheriff is proud to declare that he has spent 8yrs presiding over a state with a 95% illiteracy level. Sheriff does not need to lose sleep over allegations of corruption, government ineptitude, legislative indolence and abandoned projects afterall his subjects are not literate enough to understand how government should be run. Sheriff is not bothered about the people, they are only useful once in 4 yrs when he has to run a campaign of lies in order to canvass for their mandates after which they are promptly forgotten and left to wallow in ignorance.
Sheriff forgets to tell us what he has done with his “share” of the national cake meant for educating his people neither does he clear the air on the allegations of corruption leveled against his administration.

Thanks to Sheriff and his ilk, Nigeria presently has a literacy level of less than 50%, Nigeria has 79% of the world’s polio cases and the spread of HIV/AIDS is rapidly on the rise. VVF, high infant and maternal mortality, child marriages, unemployment, remain the major contributions of these illiterates to the ill-fated “One Nigeria” project actively championed by Sheriff and his northern friends.
Sheriff does not need to worry about the literacy level in his state, afterall it does not in any way affect the size of his “share” of the national cake, baked and served on the backs of more illustrious fellow Nigerians.
It is this same reason Sheriff and his band of robbers in political office have successfully used the imposition of the sharia law as a tool to manipulate the Federal Government; this same illiterates are happy to kill Christians based on cartoons they have not seen! They do not need to see them, less than 5% of them can read and understand what is there!

…of politics and scarcity in the midst of plenty.

2006-12-27T02:26:00.000-05:00

While the whole world was wishing each other a merry Christmas, 200 innocent Nigerians were paying the price for government inefficiency, ineptitude and corruption in another pipeline explosion. As usual government officials are busy issuing the usual “vows” to investigate the self-inflicted tragedy, some are “saddened” and others are busy “mourning”.
While the rest of the citizenry grapple with trekking to work no thanks to a scarcity of fuel generated from crude oil of which Nigeria is the world’s sixth largest producer, the more fortunate ones have had to purchase fuel from the black market at the cost of N250 per liter.

The chairman editorial board of Thisday newspapers, Mr. Godwin Agbroko was recently murdered by armed robbers in broad day light. Mr. Ehindero has also “vowed” to bring the killers to book, maybe after Bola Ige’s phantom killers have been found.

While all these is going on, Alhaji Atiku Abubakar is cooling his feet in the USA on “holidays”, Baba and the aides to the VP are busy fighting over a post that would soon be declared vacant in 6 months time and our (s)elected representathieves have since deserted their duty posts in order to pursue the “people’s mandate”. 8 yrs into our ever nascent “democracy”, we are still without power, water, good roads, quality healthcare and good education. Employment is non-existent, our aviation system has collapsed, social infrastructure is lying prostrate and yet those who put us in this very situation are angling to return to their “duty” posts come May 2007.
While our leaders play politics, the nation burns and inches closer to the precipice of collapse, yet these same leaders trump up non-existent achievements and abandoned projects as dividends of democracy.
While 200 innocent Nigerians lie in the burnt fields of unfulfilled dreams and dashed hopes, Frank Nweke continues to waste resources “promoting” a charade meant to burnish Nigeria’s tattered image on the world map. Perhaps he has forgotten that a few charred bodies speak much more than a thousand flowery words that hold no substance.

Once Umaru Dikko, one of Nigeria’s most erudite kleptocrats, told us he had never seen Nigerians eating from the rubbish heaps, now our fellow country men have been reduced to dying on rubbish heaps.

Brian Ross and those really chopping dollars...

2006-12-12T00:29:00.000-05:00

Brian Ross says:
1. Most Lagosians are illiterate - there is no point correcting this obvious lie! As usual, as an American, he automatically assumes he is the fountain of all the world's statistics.
2. Crime-ridden city? - At least in Lagos, kids are yet to come to school with guns to shoot their classmates and teachers, pedophiles are not running amok on our streets and we dont have to deal with terrorists!
3. We earn less than $1 a week? - Even as a student, i spent that on food a day!
4. Disgrace of a city? - Is New Orleans a part of Lagos?

Dear Brian Ross, what of putting those would be money launderers erroneously refered to as "victims" in jail for attempting to scam poor "third world nations" of millions of unearned dollars? What if Dr. Sloan had truly been able to "wash" the construction paper? Would he have hopped to ABC to report those he now refers to as scammers? What of the girl looking to reap $50,000 she did not work for? What of Swiss banks that have continued to connive with corrupt African leaders to scam us of our foreign reserve? What of the world bank that continues to scam us by "lending" billions of dollars to corrupt leaders only to turn around and demand more than 100x that amount in bogus debt? Has the US finished scamming the Iraqis in that crime-ridden disgrace of a city, Baghdad?

Did Brian Ross have to waste money coming to catch petty cyber crooks when US legislators are sleeping with teenage boys, the likes of Jack Abramoff are scamming Americans in the name of lobbying, Enron is burning and the Katrina relief fund is still riddled in fraud?
What of the Europeans who scammed our ancestors by giving them broken mirrors in exchange for our priceless artworks, gold, oil, slaves? Are these same people not scamming Nigerians in the Niger Delta? Destroying our farmlands and waterways and stealing our oil in connivance with the scam artists in power?

Indeed Brian, a little more "investigative" reporting would have revealed the scam artists posing as companies involved in the rebuilding of Iraq but who are merely cashing in on the lawlessness to reap where they did not sow.
We do not celebrate scammers, we only wonder why it is refered to as scam when it has to do with a "third world country" and harmless "lobbying" when it happens in the USA.

Dem dey chop our naira

2006-12-10T01:19:00.000-05:00

It is understandable that quite a lot of Nigerians were dismayed at the negative publicity the ABC 20/20 report on the Nigerian scammer brought on otherwise upstanding Nigerians. Nigeria has once again attained the dubious tag as the world’s largest exporter of scam emails to the western world, each morning I am greeted by colleagues who spend the first five minutes laughing over the latest scam sent to their email. Most of them have never heard of web spiders, I have to take extra time explaining how scam artists obtain their addresses, it is a miracle I’m not yet looked upon as a scammer afterall in their eyes I’m just another Nigerian.

However while everyone is focused on the petty internet scammers, we tend to forget that the real scam artists are not necessarily seating in internet cafes, they do not need to seek for greedy Americans to con. They con us every day with their lies, greed and disdain for the rule of law. They are the ultimate scammers, deceiving us with empty promises, abandoned projects, non-implemented budgets and ghost programmes.
Once again the scammers are back, trying to con us into sending them back to office to once again fleece us of our hard earned public treasury. Oddly it is this same people that are condemning corruption the loudest.

Under the guise of the BPE they conned us out of our national property, selling off our prized national assets to themselves and their cronies. Without our consent, they are presently zoning portions of the public treasury to themselves. They serve their pockets in the name of serving us, each time appropriating the name of “God” to legitimize their continued assault on our collective wealth. These scam artists are “heroes” among us, they award themselves with fraudulent certificates in a yearly charade called national “honors”, chieftaincy titles are sold to the highest bidder and thieves now reign supreme at the head of our government.

Here is the ultimate scammers version of I go chop your dollar

National Airport we don sell am
National Stadium we don abandon am
President na my godfather
You be the mugu, I be the master
masses I go chop your naira, I go take your money dissapear
politics is just a game, you are the loser I am the winner
The refinery na we buy am,The contract, na my mother I go give
But i go steal your money make I give am
you be the mugu, I be the master… na me be the master ooo!!!!

chopping some dollars and remembering Naija

2006-12-08T23:30:00.000-05:00

i love nigeria, i miss everything about Nigeria. Interestingly as i watch the ABC 20/20 report on Nigerian scammers, i am not angry. Eerily i do not feel ashamed to be recognised as being a fellow citizen with those who scam greedy American mugus. I am busy searching for the song "I go chop your dollar", well not that i'm going out tomorrow to start chopping someone's dollar. I can't believe Americans can be such mugu's, thanks to them Nkem Owoh is probably smiling to the banks now! So much for indirectly chopping their dollar.

i love Nigeria, its hard to imagine that a nation with some of the poorest people in the world can also be the nation of the happiest and warmest souls on earth. I miss the days studying by candle light, i miss trudging down to the borehole to get a bucket of water to take the once daily shower in college. Christmas is knocking at the door and every American is getting excited about christmas trees and costumes. I can only long for the days when dad would have bought his goat, my brothers and i feeding and patting it diligently as we hoped in vain to fatten it before christmas when we would kill our friend (always named mailee) and roast him dancing around a bonfire! Mom would cook the fat on her wood fire (the only time of the yr we got to get firewood smell on our clothes).

Nigeria may not be as beautiful as New York, but until you leave it you never know how blessed you are to have been a part of a melting pot of some of the world's most fascinating people. I miss the rusty old molues, i miss the crowd at oshodi, sweat grimed bodies glued to each other as they struggle to get on the fastest bus speeding perhaps on its last trip to the bowels of the lagoon. I miss the bad roads, i miss having to pay N20 at check points that are no more than police extortion posts. I miss the frustrations of NEPA, NITEL, corrupt politicians, election riggers and looters. I am condemned to watching home videos to keep in touch with Naija life while counting the days to when next i would see Lagos again. I miss having a good laugh over the nightly ritual of government endorsed lies on the NTA network, i miss the camaraderie and never-say-die attitude of the average Nigerian.

In Nigeria, no one cries over lack of drugs or absence of good healthcare, we have since learnt to "take our problems to God in prayer". We learn early from our mothers knees to preceed every road travel with a night vigil, each time we are reminded of the poor state of our economy, we are reminded that "the downfall of a man is not the end of his life". When we feel depressed, we are comforted as we "count our blessings and name them one by one". While looking for non-existent jobs, "God will make a way" is a song that is never far from our lips and for those who have climbed the ladder, may it be permanent!

As i'm writing this piece, i am reminded that i shall be looked upon with disdain at international airports anytime i flash my green passport. I no longer care, let them say whatever they like. I have never been prouder of my country, if they are not careful i will make sure i chop their dollar, i am the winner and they are the loser!!

Baba Iyabo goes to school

2006-12-03T11:26:00.000-05:00

At 69, Nigeria’s soon to be ex-president has matriculated as a distance learning student at the National Open University to study religious studies.
Baba is indeed putting those who reviled him for being an illiterate farmer to shame.
When Baba began the long walk from Yola prison to Aso Rock, he told us he was born again, indeed he claimed to have had a divine encounter with his creator in the solitude of his decrepit cell. We were hopeful, at last the fear of God would reign at the seat of power. Alas after almost 8 yrs in power, mammon indeed is firmly in charge at Aso villa.
Life as a student will be a new experience for Baba, he will have to learn to do assignments and take instructions from others, a thing he hasn’t done in 8 yrs. Fani-Kayode will no longer be there to abuse his teachers neither does he have the luxury of telling his vice-chancellor to shut up. There will be no presidential jets to classes and no helicopters to ferry him from his farm to school.
Baba has pledged to comply with all rules and regulations of the school, those of us more familiar with Baba’s antecedents are not so sure. From flagrant disregard of court orders, disobedience of the rule of law, refusal to implement provisions of the budget and accusations of extra-budgetary spending in defiance of legislative oversight, Baba’s teachers have their hands full with a stubborn pupil.
Baba will not be the only ex-president to tow the line of religious fervor outside of power, 33 yrs after he dragged us through a civil war, spent our external reserve paying salaries of Gambian civil servants, laid the foundation for graft and enthronement of mediocrity, Jack Gowon is still praying!

From me to Iran with love!

2006-11-30T22:55:00.000-05:00

Dear President Ahmedinajad,
Since when did the American and Iranian public begin to “share a common responsibility” to promote and protect freedom, human dignity and integrity? Do public floggings, beheadings, emasculation of the press and oppression of women count among some of the things American and Iranians share? When you make statements such as wiping out a sovereign nation from the map and deny the historical evidence of the holocaust, does that cast you in the mould of a man that cares about human dignity and integrity? What of those who constantly chant “death to America”?

While Divine providence has placed Iran and the United States geographically far apart, we should be cognizant that human values and our common human spirit, which proclaim the dignity and exalted worth of all human beings, have brought our two great nations of Iran and the United States closer together.
Dear President Ahmedinajad, did your definition of “all human beings” include your much hated Isreal?

Both our nations are God-fearing, truth loving and justice seeking, and both seek dignity, respect and perfection…We all deplore injustice, the trampling of peoples' rights and the intimidation and humiliation of human beings.
Including Iranians who burn flags, stone embassies, chant “death to America” and the 8 yr old kids who wish death on President Bush? Indeed Iranian people deplore the trampling of people’s rights, especially when they themselves have no rights under your self-righteous government. With such a wonderful society it is a wonder millions of Iranians are seeking asylum status in western nations!

Noble Americans, Our nation has always extended its hand of friendship to all other nations of the world.
Yes your “hands of friendship” are evident in the activities of Hezbollah in Syria, Lebanon, Palestine and Israel. I’m sure when you talk of ALL nations of the world, you do not consider Isreal to be a part of that world.

We, like you, are aggrieved by the ever-worsening pain and misery of the Palestinian people. Persistent aggressions by the Zionists are making life more and more difficult for the rightful owners of the land of Palestine. In broad daylight, in front of cameras and before the eyes of the world, they are bombarding innocent defenseless civilians, bulldozing houses, firing machine guns at students in the streets and alleys, and subjecting their families to endless grief.
Dear Mr. President, if you had only watched those same cameras with objective lenses, you would have noticed some certain servants of yours firing rockets fitted with ball bearings into defenceless Isreali settlements. Infact a closer look would have convinced you some of those weapons were shipped from your armory! Need we remind about you that your government is a major financier of hizballah?

Palestinian mothers, just like Iranian and American mothers, love their children, and are painfully bereaved by the imprisonment, wounding and murder of their children. What mother wouldn't?
Sir, you and I know the truth! That these women are no mothers but human shields used by terrorists;
a. To enable terrorists escape an Israeli retaliation
b. As bait for media propaganda

Is it not possible to put wealth and power in the service of peace, stability, prosperity and the happiness of all peoples through a commitment to justice and respect for the rights of all nations, instead of aggression and war?
Very possible sir! May I also ask if the billions being funneled to hezballah and other terrorist organizations cannot be put to better use for the more than 40% of the Iranian population living below the poverty line.

We all condemn terrorism, because its victims are the innocent.
Once again sir, you are spot on! The big difference however is that while some of us condemn terrorism, you condemn terrorism by shipping weapons and funds to hizballah and numerous terror organizations primarily to destabilize the Lebanese government and launch attacks on defenceless Israeli citizens.

But, can terrorism be contained and eradicated through war, destruction and the killing of hundreds of thousands of innocents?
No sir! Thanks to you we now know terrorism can be eradicated by fanning the embers of religious fundamentalism, funding terror organizations, threatening to wipe nations of the map, denying the holocaust and chanting “death to America”.

Now that Iraq has a Constitution and an independent Assembly and Government, would it not be more beneficial to bring the US officers and soldiers home, and to spend the astronomical US military expenditures in Iraq for the welfare and prosperity of the American people? As you know very well, many victims of Katrina continue to suffer, and countless Americans continue to live in poverty and homelessness.
Thank you for sparing a thought for the welfare of Katrina victims’ sir! Your magnanimity and deep love for Americans cannot but be acknowledged. But sir, perhaps if you spent more time focusing on the pervasive poverty, illiteracy, unemployment and growing discontent in your own nation, it might reduce the huge wave of of Iranian immigrants and asylum seekers to the US and Europe.

Thank you for sparing a thought for the citizens of your great satan sir, may Allah grant you long life to continue to deny the holocaust and may he grant you the strength to threaten to wipe other nations from the map even while you continue to decieve yourself as a man genuinely interested in peace!

And lest i forget sir, "Death to America"!

Legislating without intelligence

2006-11-18T23:18:00.000-05:00

It is the same story in all 36 states of the federation, legislathieves who pretend to represent the people, those who legislate solely for their pockets and their cronies, illiterates in power no thanks to a cash and carry politics, men with no ideas of how to truly move the nation forward beyond raising harebrained policies that have no relevance to the people.

While debating the recent rash of airline crashes that claimed the lives of 300 persons including the Sultan of Sokoto, a member of the Sokoto House of Assembly, Alhaji Ibrahim Haske, moved a motion for the purchase of brand new aircraft for the Sultan and other royalties in other parts of the country.
It is not clear if Alhaji Haske simply thought up his ill-concieved motion on the spur of the moment. Has he counted the number of “royalties” in the country? How many jets would the Federal Government have to purchase for each “royalty”? Until recently the British prime minister flew around on commercial British Airways flights and that is in a nation that actually produces jets!
Is Alhaji Haske really concerned about the loss of lives in aircrashes or is he interested simply because “royalties” were involved? If our roads and rail system were functioning, would we have to hop on planes every minute we wanted to move a distance of 100m?
Do our legislators actually think that the solution to the present malaise that pervades the aviation sector, a microcosm of the Nigerian problem, is to buy new jets for each “royalty”? Who really are these “royalty”? Does that include Alhaji Haske and his ilk of unintelligent legislathieves?
Thanks to Alhaji Haske and his brand of “royalty” legislature, for every time there is a road crash that claims another member of this alien “royalty”, we would have to build special roads with public funds. For those of us that are not a part of this “royalty”, Alhaji Haske could care less.

In response, The Deputy Speaker, Alhaji Abdullahi Maigwa-ndu, who presided over the sitting, also called on the Federal Government to purchase ultra modern aircraft and loan them to the private airlines.
How many aircraft would the government have to purchase to loan to the myriad of private airlines in the country? Is this the same FG that could not manage the now defunct Nigeria Airways and has to rely on a foreign airline as its national flag carrier? Do these men assume that aircraft cost a mere N3million?
From where would the funds for this flight of fancy idea come from? Is the solution to the aviation crisis a mere lack of “ultra modern” aircraft?
What of the lack of firefighting equipment at the airports, cows on runways, dilapidated aviation systems, lack of modern aviation equipment, poorly trained aviation personnel among others?

How did we end up with these kind of legislators?

Nigeria: Snippets from our “nascent” demonstration of craziness aka democracy!

2006-11-15T11:29:00.000-05:00

Just last week 5 out of 24 legislators, a whopping 21% “majority” officially impeached Plateau state governor, Joshua Chibi Dariye from office thus ending 7 years of corruption and “God” inspired dodging from the long arm of the law. President Obasanjo has also refused to “interfere” in the unfolding political hara-kiri, claiming it is an “internal affair” despite the fact that the federal police have already launched a manhunt for the impeached ex-governor.

President Olusani Abachanjo has once again reiterated the “vision” of the Peoples Destruction Party (PDP) for Nigeria to be one of the first 20 developed nations by 2020.
With less than 13 yrs left, this “vision” either suffers from chronic myopia or bothers on the absurd. It either assumes Nigeria will break all developmental records to make a quantum leap within 13 yrs from third world to first world or that all other nations will stagnate in growth while Nigeria catches up!

…. In Anambra, “God” is in control.

Journalist: How do you feel about your present position?
Governor Etiaba: It is the will of God.
Journalist: Why the visit to the President?
Governor Etiaba: I came to pledge loyalty to the President because he is the father of the nation.
Journalist: What is the political situation in Anambra State?
Governor Etiaba: God is in control.
Journalist: What are your priorities?
Governor Etiaba: Good governance.

“God” indeed is in control of arson, political brigandage, massive looting of the treasury, circumventing the will of the people, and godfatherism.
While the people groan under the burden of misgovernance, political office holders are busy pledging their “loyalty” to the “father of the nation”.
Good governance – a vague term used by politicians to explain away years of misrule, mismanagement, corruption, profligacy and indolence in power.

Vice President Athiefu Abubacha has just inaugurated an 85-man committee to coordinate his Nov 25 declaration to run for the 2007 presidential elections.
While 85 party boys pick up salaries for doing nothing and the VP spends his time “sitting quietly at home and sleeping”, 70% of Nigerians continue to live on less than $1 a day!

Why i want to be president!

2006-11-12T23:08:00.000-05:00

The last time I counted, there are already more than 6 “eminent” Nigerians jostling for the office of the President of Nigeria come may 29, 2007.
Athiefu Abubacha has continued to play the role of the sulking child, preferring to “sit quietly at home and sleep” rather than toeing the path of honor by resigning from a government that clearly treats him more as an outsider than the Vice President. Diego Ibrahim Marangida, the man who mortgaged our democratic future due to “prevailing circumstances” is also heading to the polls seeking the “mandate of the people”.

With the echoes of the last fatal ADC aircrash still ringing in our ears, Baba has decided to award himself with a brand new helicopter that would cost the nation a mere N2,561,991,487. Justifying the purchase of the helicopter less than a year after Baba also acquired a brand new presidential jet, Senator Ike Ekweremadu Chairman Senate Committee on Federal Character and Governmental Affairs, claimed; “Don't forget that Mr. President is the symbol of this country and so we cannot endanger the life of the President.”

If Senator Ekweremadu’s words are anything to go by, since we the people are NOT the symbol of this country, it is perfectly okay to endanger our lives. With his new jet, Baba does not have to contend with flying 23 yr old air molues that go down at the slightest whiff. With his new helicopter, Baba would also have no need of traveling along our death traps called roads. The symbol of our mismanaged nation is safely shielded away our epileptic power supply, he does not have to contend with armed robbers, he does not deal with dry taps, non-existent public transportation, dilapidated social infrastructure, unemployment, poverty, dilapidated health care facilities and a substandard educational system.
Lest I forget, being the symbol of the nation also entitles Baba to a bottomless pit of public funds that also doubles as his private account.

After considerable thought, I have finally decided to pick up my own nomination form for office of the president. I have finally discovered why Athiefu would rather die than step down from power and why Marangida would prefer to abandon all pretences at honor by returning to Aso Rock to retrieve something he forgot.
I no longer blame those who would kill just to “serve the people”, perhaps the only way to escape the consequences of a failed state is to become its symbol!

I'm K-Fed up!

2006-11-09T22:23:00.000-05:00

I’m K-Fed up!
Yes you heard it! I have reached my wits end! Someone just chewed the last straw that broke the camel’s back. I am pushed to the wall, I can no longer take the hypocrisy, ethical deficit and moral decadence that wafts all around me. I’m K-Fed up!

I’m K-Fed up of men who smuggle $170,000 into the US to buy a new car when more than 70% of my country men live on less than $1 a day.
I’m K-Fed up of a country where men who should be in prison for mortgaging our future pick up nomination forms to run for democratic office they once “cancelled” due to “prevailing circumstances”.
I’m tired of god(less)fathers who openly show contempt for the will of the people by removing governors each time they cannot get their itchy fingers in the public till. I’m tired of lawbreakers who hold the threat of impeachment as a sword of Damocles over governors who try to prevent them from going on a looting spree.

I’m tired! Tired! Tired!

I’m tired of roads that are no more than death traps, broken down rail lines and water ways that have turned to fertile grounds for breeding water lilies.
I’m K-Fed up of blaming God anytime our air molues decide they can be punished no further.
I’m K-Fed up of giving excuses as to why poor Togo can provide 24hrs stable electricity and ‘almighty’ Nigeria cannot. I’m tired of excuses as to why I have to queue for 30hrs to buy fuel that is being exploited in my backyard. I’m tired of being told to go and vote for those who “keep quiet at home and sleep” while I have to slave away to put two circular meals on my table.

I’m tired! Tired! Tired!

I’m K-Fed up of tyranny, political pimps, dictators masquerading as democrats, legislathieves, commanders in thief, sole (mal)administrators and representathieves.
I’m K-Fed up of stakeholders whose only stake is in their pockets, I’m tired of experts who only surface when disaster strikes, elderstatesmen who do not represent the people and “big”men who pimp our votes to loot our future.

I’m K-Fed up of celebrikids who enjoy playing house with children’s lives. Yes, those who get married for 55hrs while on a drunken binge, those who think money can buy love and a responsible lifestyle.

I’m tired! Tired! Tired!

Ojo Maduekwe was right afterall

2006-10-29T23:51:00.000-05:00

When former Transport Minister, Ojo Maduekwe, in a rare moment of "divinely" inspired insight urged Nigerians to consider adopting bicycles as a means of transport, not a few of us laughed him to scorn. I'm sure most must have wondered what most have possessed the man entrusted with providing Nigerians with an efficient transport system to advocate a return to the 1950s.

However with recent events, it seems Ojo may have been right afterall. The railway system has been moribund for years, our roads are no more than death traps with armed robbers and N20 police men waiting to dispatch those who miraculously survive the treacherous navigation. There is no evidence that any serious attempt at developing water transport was ever made , now our air molues that have for so long depended on God's hands to remain in the skies have finally decided they can go no further! Once the skies were the safest and our leaders could care less about our roads despite spending billions of naira awarding spurious contracts to their cronies. No governors announced a 6-day mourning period for the poor masses who died daily on our roads, Baba did not express "profound shock" anytime Lagos molues plunged into the lagoon.
Now they are in our shoes, facing the consequences of government ineptitude that we have had to live with for decades. Thanks to them, most of us cannot afford the cost of air tickets and are thus spared the honor of dying in the air. Unfortunately for them, there are no bus stops in the sky, they cannot order the pilot to "slow down" nor can they stop to change a spare tire.

When Sir Maduekwe came on board, he told us to go buy bicycles. He represents all that is wrong with our leaders. Men who lack vision and come to power with no other ideology than to provide "good governance", another meaningless weather-beaten phrase that comes in handy for clueless looters aspiring to positions of power.
These same men who ride the best of cars also encourage us to buy bicycles in the face of rising fuel costs in the name of "painful reforms". As usual, heads will roll, the government will order another potential dust-gathering investigative report. The minister of aviation will go through unproductive rounds of meetings, money will be shared in the name of seeking solutions to the frequent aircrashes and soon we shall revert to our usual complacent mode waiting for the next disaster to occur.

Now our looters/leaders can feel the pinch of "painful reforms", for once they know why there is no gain without pain. We are not so much bothered, we have been in pain for years!Besides bicycles have an excellent safety record, they do not depend on government's epileptic supply of over priced petrol, they don't require good roads, they can be parked where cows cannot get at them, they don't suffer bird strike and best of all they are affordable to the masses.
It does not matter if it takes 10 hrs to travel from Lagos to Ibadan, road transport wasnt any faster after all!

NB: New approved stickers for air molues - "the downfall of this contraption may be the end of your life"!

Ghosts, girls and elderstatesmen

2006-10-29T09:54:00.000-05:00

Ok now i've decided to go on political hiatus for a while (yeah right!) and bore you with the intimate details of my existence.
So here comes this new kid into our lab, actually a little odd cos its not often you get guys from Biochemistry working in purely Environmental Medicine labs. R is a strange kid! Last yr i remember staring at people dressed like death and being told it was in the spirit of halloween, a time to celebrate withches and wizards! Chineke! No wahala, so thank God its friday and R has organised another one of his trademark halloween parties in that his spooky house that could make a grown man pee in his pants for fear.
Thank God we did not buy the divining rods (they were just $10) the previous weekend we went ghost hunting. Not even the usually unflappable R was willing to try out if ghosts haunted his apartment or not.

The party was last night. Went great! R got this great ghoulish constume on and Sam was superman for the night. Chris was hilarious, got this superman suit that must have been made specifically for kids so he ended up doing a strip show since he complained the suit was cutting off circulation to .... na una sabi!
Jen was a black fairy (i thought fairies where white!), ah that girl's cute whatever she puts on. Of course there was a good dose of wizards and witches eating cookies and stuffing themselves with root bear! Ever seen witches and wizards scared of horror movies before? Interesting!

Ok so, what did i wear? A shirt and trouser! Chikena! Wetin concern agbero with overload! Ohh i forgot to mention there was this totally gorgeous girl there too, wow! I spent half the second movie stealing glances at her in her nice pink fairy constume and she had pink feathers in her hair to boot. Unfortuately she left before i could sprint out of the starting blocks. So here i am going chic hunting this week and hoping i can make a good catch. Hey wish me luck, and dont ask me how it went o!

Just as an aside, i heard professional elderstatesmen Shagari and Sultan Maccido were involved in the ADC airlines crash. 2 down more to follow! When will Ibrahim Marangida be involved in a plane crash too?

Yarima and his nomination form

2006-10-27T11:55:00.000-04:00

This was in response to a recent statement i recieved earlier:

Guys, Yarima just picked his presidential form yesterday at the ANPP headquaters and by God's grace i was there to congratulate him. i believe like in all democratic nations, everyone should be given his chance. We shall leave the final decision to God almighty for yarima is a mere mortal like you and i. Why don't we just look at his manifesto to see what he has in store.

1. Are we really in a democracy "like other democratic nations"? All other democratic nations i know of practice a PROPER FEDERATION unlike the hybrid dictato-democracy that Nigeria practices and pretends to call it a democracy. The absence of Khaki uniforms at Aso Rock is not equivalent to a democracy. Do you think Yarima believes this to be a democracy or a theocracy? Why in a democratic system of government would a governor IMPOSE a state religion on non-muslims in clear disregard to the constitution he claims to protect? When he imposes separate school fees for non-indigenes, is that indicative of a man who thinks he is in a democratic government?

2. Which "Almighty God" are we talking about here? Is God voting at the elections in 2007? If God indeed determines who rules Nigeria in 2008 then why is he bothering to pick up a nomination form? Why are we botheirng to vote? We may as well all go home and wait for God to appoint his annointed servant. When i hear the term "almighty God" especially from sleazy and hypocritical politicians i can only think of one definition for "God" - a political version of Alladin's lamp conjured up by politicians seeking to use "God" to legitimise their continued assault on the masses and the public till!

3. Do we really have to wait for his manifesto? Is the present state of Zamfara not indicative of the ineptitude of a man who has had 8yrs of doing nothing besides picking up his monthly allocation from abuja for "sharing"? Will that manifesto include the nationwide imposition of sharia and the amputation of limbs? Thanks to northern governors like Yarima, 95% of the world's polio cases for this yr have come from Nigeria!

If it takes 8 years to lay a "foundation for sustenaible development", how many years will it take to achieve that said development? As for Zacarep or Zasidev, we have heard them all before! Mere acronyms that have no bearing on the people! Mere conduit pipes for the siphoning of precious oil funds into the deep pockets of those who foist themselves illegally on the people. What of MAMSER, NEEDS, SAP, e.t.c.? Of what value where they to us?

URGENT! God releases a press statement!

2006-10-25T12:08:00.000-04:00

Fellow Nigerians,

In the face of recent developments in Ekiti state, it has become expedient for me to issue this press statement to explain my alleged complicity in the unbridled looting of the Ekiti state treasury by Ex-Governor Ayodele Fayose.You will recall that a few months ago, one certain Alamieseigha attributed his “miraculous escape” from British justice to me. Let me state emphatically that I have never met the said Alams, I do not know him and thus could not have been involved in his attempt to turn the state treasury into his private bank account.

It has also been brought to my knowledge that a certain Fayose did issue a statement and I quote "I want (those plotting to remove me) to know that the God I serve would definitely put them to shame because their gathering is not of God and it would be scattered." However, on checking our records, we can state categorically that no one by the name of Ayodele Fayose exists on our service roll. We indeed are doing our very best to rid our force of ghost servants. I do not know the said Fayose and no such gathering has been bought to my notice. We also have it on record that the said Fayose tried to portray his alleged persecution in the same light as that suffered by my favorite son Joseph in the hands of Potiphar. I hereby declare that I have no knowledge of his purported persecution neither did I give him a coat of many colours. I did not send any dreams to him neither is he imbued with the gift of interpreting dreams!

The said Fayose also states correctly that I have a purpose for everything, while I acknowledge that as true, I hereby declare that his recent travails have nothing to do with any purpose of mine regarding his being caught with his hands In the cookie jar! Let it be known that anyone who fought the said Fayose did not fight me as he claims but was fighting him and his father the devil.

Let me also state that not all those who quote bible verses are my servants. Even their father the devil can quote the bible flawlessly. As for those who are endlessly "waiting on me" before deciding to foist themselves illegally on the masses for another unconstitutional term in office, i hereby state categorically that i do not know them, I refuse to continue to be used as a political houseboy by mischievous politicians attempting to use my name to legitimise their continued assault on the Nigerian masses.

Signed
Gabriel

On Behalf of HIS EXCELLENCY
I AM THAT I AM!

As we look towards the polls...

2006-10-20T15:48:00.000-04:00

Who do we vote for?
Rogues, theives, bandits and looters who take the name of God in vain?Do we vote for those who take pride in "cancelling" the will of the people due to mysterious "prevailing circumstances"?Do our votes really count? what stops godfathers from removing our (s)elected representatives as soon as they can't get their filthy hands in the public till?

We keep registering to vote and yet 40 yrs on we are yet to reap the fruits of our votes. Are they listening to our voices at the PDP? Of what value is our vote when strange faces pervade the political landscape flaunting their stolen mandates as having come from the people! Why should we vote when those clamouring for our votes are only interested in reaping the dividends of a democracy that is not clearly for the people?

Why vote when those we need to vote for are intimidated, hounded by the EFCC or mysteriously killed by "armed robbers"? Why vote when it is the same old recycled faces who purport to hold the key to our greatness?

Who indeed do we vote for? Athiefu Abubacha? Diego Ibrahim Marangida?

The problem with Wayne Rooney

2006-10-07T18:18:00.000-04:00

I just finished reading the article "England pick up pieces of Rooney slump" by Richard Williams and i can only come out with one conclusion; more of the English penchant for overhyping an average player. A desperate attempt by the English press to talk up the "talents" of a man they so desperately want to cast in the mould of the likes of Kaka of Brazil and Zinedine Zidane of France.

Indeed there have been those of us who were never really smitten by the Rooney bug from Everton, those of us who were wise enough to realise that merely having a great shot and being able to score were not the only hallmarks of a great player. Zidane may not score many goals for France but his overall play was so good there was a marked difference each time Les bleus marched out without him.

What is wrong with Rooney? Loss of form? I think not, with the searchlight now beamed on the "prodigious talent" that was to have been the beacon of English football, we are now begining to see what many of us had always been saying, that the man was really no better than the average English player. When many commentators tell us that "he is still too young", they forget that a certain Ronaldo also plays in the same Man U team who is a year younger than Rooney, they forget that a certain Cesc Fabregas single handedly tore United to shreds at old Trafford the last time. What of Lionel Messi, Lucas Podolski? Are they all 32?

It is high time English fans began to face the home truth, that Rooney is not as good as we all hyped him to be. He cannot dribble like Ronaldo, he does not possess the guile and footballing brain like Zidane, he does not play with the confidence of Cesc Fabregas. He is no goal poacher!
Much more can be said of other English "world class" players such as Downing, Lampard, Carrick, Terry; average players who's "skill and talent" have been blown out of proportion by the English press. Carrick costs 18 million pounds but he is yet to prove that he is any better than Kolo Toure who cost Arsenal a mere 500,000 pounds. Lampard? Need more be said about a player with a record of the highest number of deflections scored?

England must wake up and shed the toga of the "golden age", indeed this are no golden boys! A foreign coach is desperately needed, one who can pick the best 11 players on MERIT and not based on name! When Mclaren tells us that regardless of form Rooney's name is first on his team list, it is an insult to the likes of Darren Bent, Defoe and Andy Johnson who are having more impact than England's "greatest ever talent"!

When gas price reaches a premium!

2006-10-04T11:09:00.000-04:00

For those at a loss about what gifts to give to a newly married couple, free gas gift cards are now an option.

Thanks to another feat of genius, alternative and cheaper gas sources now include perfumes!

Mathematically speaking: If wallet = W and Fuel price = F, therefore F = f/W where f is an economic constant.

Chavez, Ahmedinajad and glass houses!

2006-09-27T11:04:00.000-04:00

It smacks of hypocrisy that thousands of people are so quick to blame US "imperialism" for the world's problems and yet are queueing at 5am at the US embassy to obtain US visas and are filling out immigrant visa applications every year to reach that same US!
Let us take a look at the countries presently bashing the US;

Iran: Here is a nation that does not enjoy freedom of speech nor freedom of the press, a nation that is openly regarded as a state sponsor of terrorism ala hezbollah, a nation whose president openly calls for the destruction of Isreal, a nation where women are second class citizens and the president has openly called for the removal of "liberal and secular" university professors!

Venezuela: A country determined to use oil to influence and impose its opinions on the world view.

While the statements on Iran may have come to the fore during the reign of the former Ayatollah Khomieni, they are still as valid today, it was not Khomeini who insisted on the destruction of Isreal on national television, it was not Khomeini who called for the ouster of "liberal and secular" lecturers neither is he the one responsible for emasculating the press! I'm also sure Khomeini was not alive during the Isreal-hizbalah conflict!
Those who throw stones do not live in glass houses! Those who claim the US is an imperialist nation should first ensure they come to equity with clean hands, the likes of Ahmedinajad and Chavez are not qualified candidates to accuse the US of imperialism!

That a thief is qualified to identify another thief is a point that only exists as a figment of imagination. A thief does not accuse another of stealing simply because he is the bigger thief! What is more worrying than those who deny their own citizens the right to freedom of expression and yet accuse another nation of imperialism!

The bitter truth is that whereas the US may be accused of imperialism, she has continued to steadfastly fulfill her responsibilities to her citizens and those from her accusers who seek refuge with her. The same cannot be said of those who sit on the throne of judgment, those whose citizens would rather be on the next flight out of Iran and Venezuela to the US!

The difference between Cancelling and Annuling

2006-09-23T13:17:00.000-04:00

The Princeton University wordnet defines "cancel" as to "postpone indefinitely or annul something that was scheduled". The same wordnet describes the word "annul" as to invalidate or void.
In an attempt to dribble us one more time, one time Nigerian despot, Ibrahim Babangida has "explained" that contrary to general oppinion, he did not annul the June 12, 1993 presidential elections, he only cancelled it based on the "prevailing circumstances" then.

Pray! Is Maradonna using a different dictionary from the rest of us? What really does he mean by "cancelling"? Does it connote another hidden meaning that is unknown to those of us who were not fortunate enough to have the same "brilliance" that the likes of Maradonna and his dark-goggled friend were so blessed with?
Will Maradonna ever attempt to help us unravel the mystery behind this special "prevailing circumstances" that warranted the "cancelling" of our freest and fairest elections?
Maradonna goes as far as to humor us by claiming his dictatorial regime "performed meritoriously in the development of Nigeria", may we remind him that we the people are yet to experience that "development". Unless of course he uses another dictionary and his own definition of development includes the emasculation of the middle class, elevation of graft into a national principle, decay of social infrastructure and the collapse of the naira.

Maradonna yet again beguiles us by claiming he has "tremendous experience and knows what is needed to lead a nation like Nigeria." He couldnt have been closer to the truth, we are definitely in need of another "experienced" dictator to "cancel" yet another election!

"Religious" rioters indeed!

2006-09-21T21:00:00.000-04:00

Religious rioters torch 10 buildings in Jigawa
You know political correctness has been taken one step too far when media outlets mask Islamic-inspired violence under the shroud of "religious riots". Did the riots involve christians, hindus, sikhs or sango worshippers? Why are we so afraid of calling a spade a spade?
As usual, Baba, the chief culprit in the political correctness game has urged all "religions involved" to resolve their differences by dialogue rather than through violence.
We would like to remind Baba that the major difference between Islam and other religions is the culture of violence that is a major crux of the Islamic faith. "Moderate" muslims have tried to blindfold us for ages by their long talk about "interfaith dialogue", there can be no dialogue between other faiths and those who believe they have the monopoly of violence.

It is high time we began to see Islam as what it really is, a fraudulent mass movement that is intolerant of criticism and whose ultimate goal is the annihilation of "infidels and apes!"

Just wondering, how did our "brothers" celebrate the world wide day of anger?

that ban on the "defamation of Islam"

2006-09-19T23:24:00.000-04:00

The president of Pakistan, Pervez Musharraf has gone to the UN to request a ban on the "defamation of Islam"! Next the president of India will be calling for a ban on the "defamation of hinduism"! How sad that the quotes of the pope in far away Germany has become the most important "agenda" on the mind of the President of Pakistan, an illegitimate coup plotter who should be more worried about the pervasive poverty, illiteracy and joblessness in his country. Here is a man presiding over a country that presently harbours arguably the most wanted terrorist of all time, here is a man who presides over a nation that is fast becoming a top exporter of "home-grown terrorists", here is a man who should be more worried of the growing insurgency in neighboring Afghanistan thnaks to the Taleban, yet here is a man who is more worried about those who "defame Islam".

Thanks to the constant recourse to violence, the truth is gradually giving way to "political correctness", there is now a thin line between the right to free speech and "defaming Islam". We are gradually becoming a society held hostage by growing censorship. While tempers raged over the Mohammedan cartoons, holocaust cartoons hung gleefully at the Iranian national museum, when the Da vinci code was released very few raised an eyebrow at the blasphemous contents, no one called for "immediate appologies", no one called for the death of Dan Brown and we are yet to hold a world wide day of anger!

Thanks to a quote from the 12th century, the "worshippers of the cross" are now under threat of death whether in Nigeria or the USA.

When a religion truly means "peace"!

2006-09-18T12:09:00.000-04:00

Al-Qaida warns pope he, west are doomed
Al-Qaida in Iraq and its allies warned Pope Benedict XVI on Monday that he and the West were "doomed" and proclaimed that the holy war would continue until Islam dominates the world. "You infidels and despotic, we will continue our jihad (holy war) and never stop until God avails us to chop your necks and raise the fluttering banner of monotheism when God's rule is established governing all people and nations," the statement said.

Now they have simply revealed what we knew all along, that terrorism was not really about "palestinian injustice and deepseated wounds" but about a covert attempt to conquer the world for Islam!

It is easy to cite "injustice" as excuses for attacks against the west but how true is this? Are these really altruistic motives? The recent threat from al-qaeda to conquer Rome and hoist the flag of Islam over Europe is clear sign that the fight is not really about Palestine, injustice or US policy but about a crusade to conquer the world for Islam. Why is France under threat? What excuse have the terrorists to attack Rome, Italy, Germany and other European nations? Was India a participant in the palestinian injustice? What about Java and Spain? Did they also partake in bombing Lebanon?

As usual, Nigerians, Kenyans, Indians, Americans, Jews are not exempt from the wrath of the hoodlums thanks to a one line quote from a 12th century emperor quoted by the pope. Do these people remember that the pope does not speak for protestants, anglicans, Lutherans, methodists?
And pray! What has the "west" got to do with the words of the pope? Is he the EU leader? Are the words of the pope enough reason for jihadists to embark on a campaign to "conquer Rome" including innocent Italians and slit their throats? Since when did christians the world over suddenly become in danger of death simply by reason of a statement from the pope?

This is clear indication that the present terror campaign, far from being a war over "injustice and deepseated wounds" is really a religious crusade by muslims to conquer Europe and America, the earlier the world recognizes this the better. Until then we can continue playing the ostrich, trying to be politically correct by claiming Islam truly means "peace"!

Do they really "love" us?

2006-09-15T21:17:00.001-04:00

Nigeria and 13 other nations have recently been labeled as countries at the risk of collapse. The Independent Evaluation Group, a unit of the World Bank, on Thursday, cited “an increase in corruption and deteriorating governance” as factors that endangered Nigeria’s existence.

It is not the first time the World bank or IMF has come out with grave news for our dear country, we remember that it was this same groups who sent our economy back to the stone ages with their structural adjustment programme and their penchant for extending huge sums of financial aid to despots, most of which ended up in foreign bank accounts.

Lead author of the report, Ms Soniya Carvalho, claims this countries (Nigeria included!) could become hotbeds of terror activities because "there are large ungoverned areas." Pray! Where are the "large ungoverned areas in Nigeria? Do these people ever visit the countries they are so eager to write reports on? Ms. Carvalho further claims "the imperative to do something in fragile states is very great", what something is Ms Carvalho talking about hear? Turning these "fragile states" into colonies of the "stable states"? Ms. Carvalho claims "donors don’t want to spend money in such countries because their governments don’t have the capacity to use the funds effectively to reduce poverty". Where is this money "donors" so want us to know about? Is it the money that ends up being paid to foreign "experts" recommended by the donors themselves? Or that which ends up in the bank accounts of these same "donors" lodged there by despotic governments propped up by the same self righteous donors? Ms Carvalho claims the world bank has lent $4.1bn to the fragile states in the past two years, please someone should remind her that we the people have yet to see any trace of that money and for what it was spent!

The IEG cannot claim to love Africa more than we do!

And what was our government's response?
Chief Economic Adviser to President Olusegun Obasanjo, Dr. Osita Ogbu, denounced the listing saying; “I am outside the country with President Obasanjo. But what is wrong with the World Bank? Don’t they have anything to do? How can they be releasing reports on Nigeria everyday?"
Is that all the response we can muster? Another harebrained response to economic terrorism?

Mr. Tombe and his brown goat!

2006-09-12T14:40:00.000-04:00

Does anyone still wonder why Sudan is one of Africa's poorest nations? At least they have their name in the guiness book of records.

Sudan man forced to 'marry' goat A Sudanese man has been forced to take a goat as his "wife", after he was caught having sex with the animal.The goat's owner, Mr Alifi, said he surprised the man with his goat and took him to a council of elders. They ordered the man, Mr Tombe, to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50) to Mr Alifi. "We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi said.

Here's Ayatollah Rohulah Khomeini's take on this clearly enlightened act of holy matrimony between a goat and a man:"If a man (God protect him from it!) fornicates with an animal and ejaculates, ablution is necessary."We are not sure who should do an ablution, the goat?

Note: Ablution is ONLY necessary when the man ejaculates inside the animal. As for sodmizing the animal, Khomeini does advice that the animal be taken outside the city and sold.

Hey mr. tombe, is there any restriction on the number of goats you can marry?

NEPA took light yesterday!

2006-09-06T11:47:00.000-04:00

For a brief spell of about 5 seconds, i witnessed for the first time a power cut in the land of the free and the home of the brave. But for quick thinking, i would have shouted "up Nepa" when power was finally restored.
One of my colleagues was staring in shock at the ceiling asking me what had just happened, i chuckled to myself and started saving my work on my laptop, it was no big deal, NEPA just took the light.

A friend of mine told me a few weeks ago that NEPA was a part of "normal" existence, for once i agree with her. I havent shouted "up NEPA" in more than 15 months, i am rapidly forgetting how to say it. Funny enough i am actually looking forward to more of NEPA's antics again, if Mohammed wont go to the mountain at least the mountain can come to him chikena!

Up NEPA!

Reasons why i love Africa

2006-09-04T11:42:00.000-04:00

Ever wondered why Africa is one of the most interesting places in the world? This is the part of the world where the impossible happens and the weird is taken as the norm.

Only in Africa do countries export crude oil and have no fuel for its citizens! When next you see this sign, welcome to Africa!

of Nigerian newspapers....

2006-08-31T21:06:00.000-04:00

Have you ever wondered why few people take Nigerian newspapers serious? Is it just me or am i left wondering what "investigative" journalism really means after reading a copy of the Guardian, punch or Thisday?
The "news" is little more than a recap of boring conferences, meetings, communiques, reports, white papers. Everyone is "calling on someone", people are advising, some are warning, others are backing.
There is nothing proactive on the "news", everyone is either "going to", proposing, backing, hoping or wanting! The sports pages are a rehash of previous reports on foreign media, there are no thought provoking columns save for Rueben Abati's in the Guardian, interviews are conducted in a manner that reminds you of a 5 yr old asking questions from an equally unintelligent adult.
Some “smart” journalists have even gone one step forward into the world of journalistic vouyerism by putting up nude photos of a popular actress just to boost sales.

Indeed the state of our press is a reflection of the state of the nation. Nigerians do not read, Nigerians are poor, Nigerians do not care. Since Government does not generate revenue from citizen tax, it feels it does not owe them any allegiance, the people too have since adopted an i-don’t-care attitude. No one is bothered about government policies that are only geared at the pockets of the politicians themselves.
Nigerians are poor. Few of them can afford to a meal a day, why spend the meager minimum wage on pages of newspapers filled with politicians awarding themselves bogus honors, non-existent contracts and congratulating themselves for delivering the dividends of democracy to hungry masses.

Nigerians don’t read! They don’t need to read, there is nothing in the papers to read. All they see are discredited politicians who should be in jail vying for power. They see politicians win elections from jail, Ghana must go bags go from hand to hand while their children go hungry and the same politicians complain of lack of funds. They read about politicians commission projects that only exist on paper, they read of probe panels, committees, truth commissions, conferences and federal executive council meetings that have no bearing on their lives.

Nigerians do not care to read, they don’t have to, the news is really not about them.

Nasrallah and his coat of many colors

2006-08-29T21:34:00.000-04:00

Hizballah leader, Hassan Nasrallah recently appologised to Lebanese for the escalation of its conflict with Isreal which led virtually brought the Lebanese economy to its knees. Is Nasrallah really sorry?
Hizballah has promised to pay individuals for the reconstruction of their homes destroyed by Isreali bombs? Does Nasrallah really love Lebanon or is this just another propaganda gimmick?
Nasrallah himself betrayed his naivete when he said he would not have ordered the kidnapping of the two IDF soldiers had he known the magnitude of Isreal's response. Isreal may not have won the war outrightly and hizballah still retains the capacity to launch crudely made rockets into the North of Isreal but anyone nation still haboring terrorist elements bent of attacking Isreal from its borders will approach the issue with a lot more than the kid gloves the government in Beirut did with hizballah!

Of course we all know a leopard cannot change its spots, Nasrallah is NOT appologising to Lebanese, he is only using that as another PR gimmick to get more brainwashed Arabs to hizballah's hateful course! The building of houses in Lebanon is simply a ruse and the moment the Lebanese govt awakes to this hypocrisy the better. Re-building Lebanon is more than just rebuilding homes, it is about eradicating the hydra-headed monster that Hizballah has become. A situation of having a state within a state is incongrous.
Until hizballah is disarmed, Lebanon can rebuild as many times as it likes, destruction is bound to follow someday! Either from another Isreali retaliation or from Syria itself!!!

Lessons from a Nigerian Politrickcian

2006-08-28T10:45:00.000-04:00

Lessons from a Nigerian politician

Indeed, no one better fits the maxim of "all talk and no action better than the Nigerian politician. Nigerian politicians have learned to talk, infact where it possible political language would be a part of our lingua franca.
Here are a few things that define the Nigerian politician:

· Politics: A deadly fight for unfettered access to the public treasury.
· Political party: A gathering of strange bedfellows used primarily as a tool to further selfish personal interests. see also Peoples Democratic Party
· Democracy: Power to a cabal, by a cabal and for the cabal
· People: A vague word used by politicians to describe an imaginary collection of individuals. Mostly used as an euphemism for election rigging.
· Grassroots: Words used by politicians to describe a collection of mainly poor and illiterate peasants who have been robbed and shortchanged by their political leaders. See also Nigerian masses.
· Election: Charade used by politicians as a smokescreen to mask purchase of political office.
· Elderstatesman: Senile old man currently on the payroll of the incumbent government. See also; Alhaji Shehu Shagari
· Power: A license to loot the treasury.
· Sedition: An offence that refers to any attempt to unmask the shady deals of the ruling cabal.

"Wise" sayings of the Nigerian Politican 2

2006-08-25T21:10:00.000-04:00

Gombe State Governor, Mohammed Danjuma Goje on Nigeria's diversity:
"...but God put us together in diversity. If we want to continue that diversity, then we must regularize our diversity.”

Gombe State Governor, Mohammed Danjuma Goje on why power must shift to the north in 2007:
"...there is no way we, leaders from the zone, can explain to our people in the streets that power should not return to the North after the tenure of President Olusegun Obasanjo next year,"

Dr. Alex Akinyele on Whether the criticism of corruption leveled against Gen Ibrahim Babangida is justified:
"The criticisms, coming at this time, you will appreciate that they were not meant… To me, the criticisms, coming from the directions they are coming, reminds me of an incident in the life of the tortoise. Tortoise got up to pay a courtesy call on his in-law. When he got there, he was given a meal of porridge. He enjoyed it so much that he stole part of it. His in-law detected that he had stolen part of the porridge. So he tied the tortoise and put him out for the public to see on the market day. All the people who were going to the market saw him, and asked why he was tied and he said he stole. They all abused and derided him. In the evening when they were returning, they were surprised to still see him tied up for the same offense. Enraged that he was still tied up, they condemned his in-law. In fact, they said your in-law is a hopeless man who has no shame. He could have taken you inside, abused and smacked you instead of this public ridicule. So all those coming from the market gave their sympathy to the tortoise and condemned his in-law..."

"Wise" sayings of the Nigerian Politican 1

2006-08-24T00:06:00.000-04:00

Yobe State governor, Alhaji Bukar Abba Ibrahim on his reasons for joining the Presidential race;

"he is eminently qualified to rule the country". - Special Assistant, Media, Alhaji Ibrahim Jirgi
"I want to become President so that government will be brought to the doorsteps of the common man" - Gov. Bukar Ibrahim.

Dr. Alex Akinyele on the question of corruption being leveled against Gen Ibrahim Babangida:

"Thank you very much. That question is excellent. And let me answer it by telling you another story.It was a day in the life of Jesus Christ, where he was attending to the people. The Sadducees and the Pharisees brought a woman before him whom they accused of adultery, as they’re accusing Babangida of corruption, is that not it? They accuse this particular woman of adultery. They were making a lot of noise and Jesus asked them what the law says about people who commit adultery. They told Jesus Christ that the law says she should be stoned to death.
Jesus said okay, any of you who has never been guilty of such sin should cast a stone at her let me see. Jesus Christ bent down and was writing (listen to me young journalist). Jesus was writing, and all the people who surrounded Jesus were looking into what he was writing. They saw that he was writing their names as being guilty of adultery at one time or the other. Behold, anyone who saw his name made a u-turn and left, until they all disappeared. And when Jesus Christ looked up, He said to the woman, ‘where are your accusers?’ and she said ‘they have gone.’ Then He said to her ‘you can go, but sin no more’. "

Sunday Ehindero; a different style of policing

2006-08-22T14:34:00.000-04:00

What makes IGP Sunday Ehindero tick? He is one IGP who has never failed to "bemoan", "lament" and "express concern" over the poor state of the police force. Ever since he took over from former IGP Tafa Balogun, arguably the most corrupt IGP the country has ever had the misfortune to appoint, he has always made it a point of duty to remind us that he met the force in a "deplorable" state. The problem is that, years after, the force still remains the same ill-motivated and corrupt force we have always had.
What is wrong with the NPF?

Since the political murders of two governorship aspirants, Mr. Ehindero has been going round holding "Crucial meetings" with politicians on the "need to stop the assassinations". Even Mr. Ehindero tacitly acknowledged the hopeless state of his men when he allowed three officers from the London Metropolitan police to take over investigations into the murder of Chief Williams.

According to Mr. Ehindero, “Aspirants are not entitled to more security than the security that is generally provided for all Nigerians." Pray, which security is Mr. Ehindero refering to as that "generally provided for all Nigerians?" vigilante groups? Infact can we boldly declare that there is any semblance of security in the Nigerian state today?

There is one thing i still like about uncle sunday though, he is probably one of the high ranking government officials without the official title of "chief". Perhaps he is waiting to retire before taking a title to celebrate his years of "meritorious" service to the Nation.

Babangida and the country of anything goes

2006-08-16T22:54:00.000-04:00

In other countries, General Ibrahim Badamosi Babangida would be answering for various crimes that include murder of his childhood friend, mamman J. Vatsa and Dele Giwa, theft of Nigeria's $12bn gulf war oil windfall and the criminal annulment of Nigeria's freest and fairest elections. But this is Nigeria, a country where anything is possible, a country where even former jail birds can be president. Nigeria is a country where we negotiate with corrupt officials to return stolen public funds in exchange for their freedom, it is a country where people in detention for a murder charge can run for office and win.

Babangida has finally come out to "declare" what we have all known all along, that he will be running for office in 2007. It is ironic that those who denied us the priviledge of democracy in 1993 are now using the same avenue to get themselves back into the corridor of power "under the banner of the Nigerian people" whose votes where disdained thirteen years ago. As with the usual empty rhetoric, Babangida has accused the present administration of fueling the present ethnic and religious crisis, it is hard to see what kind of crisis can compare to the one he and his dark goggled friend put us through between 1993 and 1998 where Nigeria virtually became a pariah nation.

Babangida has reminded us that "the challenge of the next leadership is to make Nigeria whole again", it will be interesting to remind him that he is the man who institutionalised corruption, nepotism and laid the foundation for the present decay that pervades society, it will also be worthwile to remind him that thanks to his Structural Adjustment Program, the only thing that has "adjusted" has been the size of his bank account and the ever shrinking middle class. Thanks to SAP, the gap between rich and poor has never been wider.

In the Nigeria that anything goes, it would not have been preposterous to imagine that had Abacha still been alive, he might be a senator today or even be aspiring for the office of President.

Air travel gets lighter

2006-08-10T20:53:00.000-04:00

thanks to the attempted terror attack on about 10 US bound aircraft from heathrow airport in London, the whole world has suddenly gone into panic mode again. Once more terrorists have succeeded in shutting down airports, delaying or canceling entire flights, and sending everyone into a panic frenzy, the long search lines at airports are back and those who do not need to travel as a mater of urgency are being turned back.

The era of "hand luggage" might be fast fading into history, passengers are now required to carry transparent plastic bags (all na nylon!), at least Nigerians can now carry their ghana must go bags with more dignity on flights. There, my dream of spending time watching DVDs on my laptop while flying has just been dashed. There will be no liquids allowed on board again, toothpaste sef has been banned. Nna, what will bros use to clean his teeth when he has to make those 18 hr flights to Nigeria and back?
No soap allowed (as if i would ever dream of carrying that), no coffee allowed (man shall not leave by coffee alone anyway!), no shaving cream, no deodorants, no make-up, pray what is left in the transparent plastic bag?

What in God's name do these terrorists wish to achieve by killing poor pilots, passengers and those delectable air hostesses? Now that we can no longer take carry ons aboard aircraft, i'm looking forward to more boring times in the air, that is if the sons of Ishmeal do not decide to act out their ghoulish fantasies. Soon even books will be banned on board aircraft and the only thing allowed will be just the individual.

Maybe someone will think about reinventing sea travel, at least that will work until the men from Yemeni caves figure out how to carry out bomb attacks on board sea vessels.

Hypocrisy as the new face of Islamofacism

2006-08-10T02:18:00.000-04:00

Who really is a "moderate" muslim? One who lives a pro-western lifestyle? In order to remain politically correct, top world leaders and muslim leaders are quick to attribute terrorist activities to the handiwork of a "radical minority", but are they really in the minority? From Africa to the middle east, from the Danish cartoon riots to the carnage in Darfur, radical islam has proved time and again that it is the very antithesis of its much vaunted "religion of peace".

Islam and "peace":

The double standard of the islamic world remains all too glaring, while the whole world was rivetted on the 54 dead in the Qana attack, few remembered the continued carnage in Darfur and the more than 100 daily deaths recorded in Iraq thanks to Islamic millitias. The Islamic world screams blue murder at Qana, many are "concerned" for the innocent women and children killed daily in Lebanon, but few are worried about the death of "innocent" civilians in Isreal, infact thousands celebrated on major streets after the killing of over 3000 innocent Americans on 9-11.

Isreal vs Hizballah: of biased reporting and photoshopped pictures!

2006-08-07T02:37:00.000-04:00

With the Isreal - Lebanon face off now almost a month old, it is gradually becoming evident that most western media reporting has been heavily biased. Most reports save a few have largely focused on Isreal's onslaught on Beirut. Very few report about the over 3000 Katyusha rockets that have killed many Isrealis and forced thousands to take shelter in bunkers well before the present conflict began.
While headlines scream about the war on a daily basis, it is actually hard to get any piece of information on Isreali casualties of the war both civilian and military. The skewed reporting has largely focused on a belligerent Isreal using its military might to destroy an "innocent" Lebanon simply for having the "misfortune" of haboring the old Iranian revolutionary guard now morphed into the terrorist organisation called Hizballah.
It is so difficult to obtain details of the initial unprovoked Hizballah attack that pre-emted the war, very little is reported on the tense situation that Isrealis have been forced to put up with after more than 6 yrs of having rockets raining down on them, on the other hand, photos of "innocent civilians" from Qana have become posters for the current war.

Reuters news agency recently fired its Beirut freelance photography for actually doctoring most of the pictures displayed on its site.
Reuters drops Lebanese photographer over doctored image

On the BBC, there are features on how the war is taking its toll on those in Beirut, no such report is made about Isrealis living in fear of daily rocket attacks from an enemy whose only goal is to inflict as much pain on the Isreali civilian populace.
Hizbullah remains a terror organisation wholly set up with the motive to obliterate the Jewish state. Many have accused the IDF of using "disproportionate" force, it is hard to imagine if Isreal would still have been standing today if Hizbullah had the same type of weapons at their disposal. One of the important lessons Isreal may need to learn from this war is that it is not only fighting a warped ideology, it is also up in arms against a global anti-semitic propaganda, a war that is not likely to be won on the battle field.

It is sad that media organisations that cowered during the recent cartoon riots continue to pander to the whims and caprices of a terror group with a well oiled propaganda machine. Sadly no one seems to be treating Hizbullah as what it is, a terror organisation like al-qeuada, rather it is being portrayed as a ragtag band of Lebanese "freedom fighters" wholl at the mercy of the IDF.

Now we know that news may not be actually all about information, disinformation might just as well be more important. At least Hizbollah seems to be winning that war thanks to the likes of the BBC.

America, where the obese is king

2006-08-04T13:51:00.000-04:00

What is the first "proud" statement you hear off the lips of the parents of a newborn tot?
"Hey, we are proud to announce the birth of baby XYZ, weighing 17lbs 6st, measuring ....."

Why is everyone obsesed with weight in this country? From the 4 yr old kid to the 80 yr old great grandfather, all share one common malaise; obesity.
The average American is fat, every male 25 and above is proud to show off his spare tires, the women have thighs that would put a baby elephant to shame. Most waddle like ducks just out of water and are walking sacks of cellulite.
Every street corner has a macdonalds, wendy's, papa johns and burgerking. Many are no longer content with just a hamburger, we now have the double whooper. Every girl has a chocolate tooth, cakes and ice-cream are more like dinner to some. Is it any wonder that babies are now battling with obesity and early onset type II diabetes?
Coronary heart disease and hypertension is steadily on the rise yet americans keep putting on the pounds. In Africa, obesity was once a sign of good living, today it is associated with increased health risks. More kids are dying of SIDS, sleep apnea is on the rise, yet soda, cheese and candy remain the staple diet for the American youth.
Americans dont walk, eveyone has a car even to go as far as the bathroom. What else do you expect? It is only in America that one storey buildings have lifts.

When next an American reminds you of AIDS and malaria in Africa, dont forget to tell him to take care of the deadly disease of obesity in his country first!

Hizbollah, Qana and the curse of the moderates

2006-08-02T00:44:00.000-04:00

There are always two sides to a coin and for every action there will always be a reaction. Reading through the posts on this topic, it is clear everyone is divided NOT BASED ON COMMON SENSE BUT ON RELIGIOUS DIVIDES. The attitude of "i am muslim so hizbollah must be right" has and will remain the cross that the world has to bear for years to come as millitant Islamofascism begins to rear its ugly head.It is so easy for the whole world to get "queasy" about the carnage that occured in Qana but after all said and done, all the outrage will amount to is the ultimate in hypocrisy. The same people shedding crocodile tears over the children of Qana burnt flags and celebrated the murder of 3000 innocent Americans on 911. Let us not begin to mention Madrid, 7/7, Java, Nairobi, Bombay e.t.c.Is the outrage over Qana really an outrage over Isreali "aggression" or a cheap public relations stunt by hizbollah? Over 100 people are killed by islamic militia in Iraq on a daily basis and yet no one has raised an eyebrow, aljazeera does not seem to have reporters in baghdad and no one seems to be calling for a "UN backed immediate ceasefire". Is agression only when "zionists" kill "innocent" lebanese human shields for terrorist? What of the hundreds killed since Hizbollah started throwing thousands of rockets at Isreal? why has the Isreali govt taken the pains to keep its citizens in bomb shelters and yet the so-called lovers of Qana only seem to derive pleasure in showing off the dead, mangled bodies of their human shields?

Why does hizbollah, not a national army, have 13000 katyusha rockets? Self defence?

A lot of people have ignorantly asked Isreal to leave the civilians alone and go after Hizbollah. Pray! How does Isreal go about doing that when terrorists dress like civillians, hide bombs in mosques and fire missiles from residential homes? Apparently the IDF has learnt a big lesson from the Americans who tried that tactic in Iraq. The consequence? The Americans have lost at least 5x more men than during the war itself.These terrorists are no brave fighters defending a nationalist cause, they do not respect their own countries and are only fighting the cause of their religion. It is sad that most everyone has jumped on the back of Isreal, it is hard to see how lenient you can be when you have had to defend yourself from those sworn to your destruction for the past 58 years of your independence.

There will be no ceasefire until hizbollah is completely rooted out. I do not support the shuttle diplomacy trip of Condi Rice, the same men she is meeting in Lebanon will not hesitate to sponsor terrorists to bomb the white house at the slightest opportunity. Those who claim Isreal is treating palestinians like dogs should please tell me how a jew can even dream of ever walking away with his life in palestine. Countless arabs are citizens of Isreal and are thus protected under the Isreali constitution despite the fact that they support the terrorists against their "nation". While Isreal, despite threats and suicide bombs has developed to become a major world power surrounded by illiterate war mongers whose only idea of public education is filling their children with anti-semitic vitriolic.

"Moderate" muslims on the other side of the divide are the worst hypocrites. When western govts came to ferry their citizens away from Lebanon, suddenly those who are now crying over Qana where quick to wave their "foreign" passports to escape to relative safety in the cozy comfort provided for them by the same infidels they would not hesitate to destroy. Why did the "moderate" muslims not stay back to defend their home country? Why are muslims denigrating Isreal and the west and yet do not hesitate to flaunt their US and European passports at the slightest opportunity?

Many "moderates" are quick to say they are only interested in the innocent caught up in the conflict. They lie! It is hard to see how any lasting cease fire can be achieved with nations that are sworn to your destruction. No one likes war, but if that is the only way by which you can guarantee a future for the next generation of jews, then so be it. That Isreal has chosen not to hypocritically put the mangled bodies of their ow children on international TV does not make hizbollah innocent of war crimes too!

Funsho Williams: God, curses to the rescue

2006-08-01T13:35:00.000-04:00

"We don’t know from where this came. If we need to pray, we will pray; if we need to work, we will, for God to show us the killers. Funsho was a peace-loving person. He believed in politics without bitterness. Sorrow will not cease in the home of the perpetrators of this act," - Pres. Obasanjo

Pres. Obasanjo, on a visit to the family of slain Lagos state governorship aspirant, Engr. Funso Williams, has rained curses on the killers of the political activist while praying God to reveal the killers.
Once again our political leaders have exposed their complete inefficiency with their frequent turn to "God" and the supernatural in the face of the duty for which they were "voted" into office and for which thousands of tax payers money has been expended.
President Obasanjo's statement is a tacit endorsement of his distrust in the police unravelling this murder. With prior unsolved murders of other high profile politicians still hanging, it is clear that the Ota farmer has more trust in the ability of his God than the men he pays every month to secure the lives and property of the citizenry.
How does the president expect God to show him the killers? In his dream?
Why has the police remained inefficient 7 yrs into the democracy that was touted to reverse the years of decay under millitary despots? Where has all the money pumped into the police over the years gone?
It is not enough for IGP Sunday Ehindero to continually "lament" the decay in the force as he has been wont to do ever since he was appointed head of a force he has been a key member for donkey years. It is not enough for Mr. President to rain curses on murderers and pray God reveals them to him in a vision. Government officials must be held accountable for tax payers money wasted on futile attempts to protect the tax payers. It makes no sense for citizens to pay tax and then have to pay for vigilantes to do the job of the FG.

...talking about the odious 1

2006-07-31T22:56:00.000-04:00

--- Imams demand inclusion on FG civil service payroll
Some moslem clerics rising from a recent meeting in Minna, Niger state have issued a communique demanding their inclusion on the FG civil service payroll for their "laudable" roles in "moulding and re-shaping the society". In a nation where pensioners are dying on pension queues and bonafide civil servants stay home for centuries on industrial actions due to unpaid salaries, it is amazing that a group of ragtag "religious leaders" are demanding to be "rewarded" for their contributions to society. Pray, which "contributions" are we talking about here? Fatwahs, numerous religious riots on the mundane, and imposing sharia in a secular nation? How many people would qualify under the category of "moulders and re-shapers of society?" Since when did a voluntary religious obligation become a government responsibility? Methinks FG's unnecessary pandering to every whim of a section of this country and her unwholesome involvement in primarily private religious affairs such as the hajj has emboldened these fellows to further desecrate the sanctity of the constitution. Does the constitution still mean anymore than a mere document today? All hail the Islamic republic of Nigeria!

hizbollah and the questions we all refused to ask

2006-07-29T11:23:00.000-04:00

While the world has been riveted on the Isreali "over-reaction" to the capture of two of its soldiers, no one has stopped to wonder why hizbollah, not a recognised national army, is in possession of 13,000 katyusha rockets and other weapons of mass destuction.
Why is a guerilla force allowed to possess weapons and set up a military base on the Isreali border? Why is it okay for Hizbollah to mount cross border raids into Isreal and rain rockets down on Haifa?
The mass media has focused mainly on the tragedy going on in south Lebanon yet few are aware that whole Isreali villages along the Lebanese border have either been completely evacuated or bombed. Millions of Isrealis live in bomb shelters and many are refugees in their own country. "Brave" Hizbollah fighters hide among their civilians even going as far as hiding rockets in civilian homes, a situation that has forced the IDF to increasingly target civilians in its 2 week offensive.
Why should a guerilla force possess sophisticated weapons many African nations can only dream about? Self defence? Why has the Lebanese army been too impotent to effectively secure its border with Isreal?
Why is a terrorist organisation rewarded with government positions as has recently been demonstrated in Palestine and Lebanon?

It is so easy to castigate Isreal for an inappropriate use of force in the present conflict but until the ability of terrorists to secure weapons of mass destruction is addressed, the middle east will remain a cauldron of violence. It is not enough to call for a cease fire, such should include a lasting solution to the myriads of armed terrorist organisations massed along Isreal's borders increasing calling for her destruction. Until then, a cease fire is just opportunity for the bad guys to regroup and return with even more vengeance.

Funsho Williams and the security challenge

2006-07-28T10:41:00.000-04:00

The death of Lagos state Governorship aspirant, Chief Funsho Williams, once again reminds us of the fact that in Nigeria, life is not a sacred commodity, security of lives and property is best left in the hands of God and and our police force is the most impotent in the entire world.

Immediately the news of the death filtered into the public domain, government officials fell over themselves to give the usual official rhetoric of bringing the killers to justice.

Lagos state has just placed a N10m bounty for information that could lead to tracking down the killers.
"I assure Lagosians that everything will be done to unravel the mystery surrounding this dastardly act and bring the perpetrators to book". - Gov Bola Tinubu.

“this is one murder the police must fish out the perpetrators. It is a sad day for democracy. Williams death is a devastating one and an act of cowardice. Williams is an accomplished and refined politician and an ardent believer in democracy.” - President Obasanjo.
The President has ordered the IGP to ensure that a pathologist thoroughly examine the body of the late politician. There is something wrong when the President has to remind the IGP how to do his job.
On his part, the Police IG has vowed that the killing will not join the list of unresolved high profile political murders.
However we have all seen this before. The President barks orders, the IGP falls over himself to arrest every ant seen around the crime scene, governors offer unreasonable bounties, protests are made, politicians fight over themselves to send condolences usually only through the media and then we forget again and the vicious cycle continues while the killers cool off their heels waiting for the next victim.

While the police continues to struggle with high profile political murders, ordinary citizens have no hope of getting justice or protection from the same inept force that has since failed to nab the killers of the nations former IG. Very likely the killing of Chief Williams will go the same way as that of Harry Marshal, Dikibo, Rimi and others.
After blowing a lot of hot air, Nigerians will once again lapse into a state of selective amnesia and life will continue as before, justice remains unserved and killers are allowed to roam free as our police force continues to grope in the darkness of inefficiency.

Perhaps it is high time the police stopped putting us through the public relations stunt that their investigations have turned into. We are better off putting our safety in the hands of God, thankfully He does not demand tax for His services.

Islam and the burden of terrorism

2006-07-22T12:37:00.000-04:00

With every passing minute, the threat of fullscale war continues to loom larger on the Isreali-Lebanese border, Iraq and Afghanistan remain quagmires in which American and British troops are deeply enmeshed, Syria and Iran, the not-so-secret hands behind Hizbollah continue to issue threat to world peace, Palestine under Hamas leadership remains under constant Isreali bombardment. Somalia, Sudan, Chad, Niger remain the face of Islamofacist regimes bent on undermining the rule of law, freedom of expression and a complete disregard for the sanctity of human life in the name of religion.

The usual rhetoric by world leaders after terrorist activities is to hide under the banner of political correctness by claiming terrorism as the action of a few bent on giving Islam a bad name. We now know better. From the jubilations in mainly Islamic countries after Sept 11, to the recent protest by Shiite muslims in Kaduna in support of Hizbollah, we are now fully aware that while terrorists may not yet be in the majority, they enjoy a wide range of support from their fellow muslim brothers. Muslims are quick to point out that "islam" means peace yet the only peace they have offered the world is the peace of the graveyard.
Islam remains the only religion in the world where killing of innocent civilians is sanctioned in the name of God. Ever since the advent of sharia law in the northern part of Nigeria, all we have to show for it is increased religious riots, public flogging, amputations and the rise of religious militia. It has been used as a political tool to try to undermine the democratic process and thanks to it, Kano state has dragged Nigeria back to the stone age as we now account for 79% of the world's polio cases. Almajiri's are a common sight in the north, VVF is common among women married off before puberty to men old enough to be their grandfathers.

Muslims the world over have been quick to condemn the Isreali invasion of Lebanon. The same leaders have been silent over the issue of Darfur and Somalia. These leaders kept quiet when Hizbollah raided and captured 2 Isreali soldiers unprovoked. Innocent Jews are killed daily by rockets fired from Lebanese territory and terrorists, once unknown faces are now actively involved in the political processes of their respective nations. Even countries such as Iran and Syria are actively involved in funding and arming terror organisations.

'Moderate' muslims remind us that acts of terrorism are only the actions of moslem extremists. It is becoming clear that the extremists may now far outnumber the 'moderates'. We are increasingly aware that muslim children are constantly fed with hatred for western governments and the number of terror organisations now trying to outdo each other in claiming responsibility for one terror act or the other is now on the rise.
Thanks to Islam, the world may never be the same again. Not even Africa is safe anymore, thanks to the Nairobi bombing, Darfur, Somalia and Osama bn Ladens recent threat to "liberate" Nigeria, the era when Africa felt immune from the Islamofacist crisis is now over.

Communism has since crashed, but in its place is perhaps one of the deadliest forms of government, islamofacism. As usual, most of the world seems to be in denial, pretending that all is well and that Islam means peace. Sept 11, July 7, Nairobi, Mumbai, Madrid and now the middle east is confirming the otherwise.

Critiquing the critic

2006-07-20T17:41:00.000-04:00

"...i have a dream that someday, critics the world over will be free to criticise without being judged and put down..."

When people post short stories on the web or on public forums, they most times do not forget to add the "please criticise this story for me" tag at the end of the tale. However, for most, the actual meaning of criticism is "please tell me this story is the best you have ever read"!

Of recent, one of the latest fads on Nairaland has been the posting of short stories by several members with the call on other members to read and criticise the story. Nowadays it is becoming dangerous to actually critic a short story. The vast majority, many of whom do not read books and whose idea of literary style is no more than monotonous dialogue, are quick to jump to the "more, more, this is excellent" bandwagon without actually taking the time to decipher what makes a good or bad story. For the critic, "negative" criticism is simply not allowed. He is viewed as being egoistic, inconsiderate and "afterall how many stories has he written."

Many fail to understand that the role of a critic may infact be of more benefit than the majority of sycophants and praise singers who simply want to be seen as being in support. Less than 50% bother to take the pains to read the stories before heaping effusive praise on what may at best pass for a third grade attempt at play writing. Criticism is not always positive, infact in most cases it is not meant to be positive. It is a system of check and balance put in place to sharpen the writer's skill by highlighting areas that need strenghthening, literary styles that could best be done away with and improving the literary skills of the writer.

Criticism may be harsh but in the end, countless people have benefited from its positive sides. While criticism sees the cup as half empty, the writer sees it as an opportunity to plug the leaks and find ways to fill up the cup. Unfortunately, the critic is more often than not the bad boy. He never sees anything good in a story, "afterall she's just a kid and it was meant as a joke", forgetting that the greatest writers of all time started from humble beginings too.

Writing is not meant to be a skill for all, but for those who do intend to take it serious and
develop their God-given talent, criticism may well be the long ardous road to literary genius.

Isreal and the middle east onslaught

2006-07-16T16:42:00.000-04:00

For once, Isreal has decided to take its battle to the home of the enemy. Anyone who noticed the ease with which Isreal captured Hamas government officials, raided and destroyed their homes would not believe this were the same men who once strotted the stage promising to annihilate the state of Isreal.
Lebanon has since become Isreal's latest target in a bid to resolve the constant terrorist killings once and for all. Most Arab nations as usual have jumped on the "destroy Isreal" bandwagon, few of them remember ever reprimanding the terrorists from carrying out almost daily attacks against defenceless and innocent Isreali civilians.
Syria and Iran as usual rather than toe the line of rationality have instead chosen to issue empty threats and flex their political and military muscle. In the end the entire world is the worse for it. The world is less safe and with escalating violence, oil prices may soon reach a record $100 per barrel.
In the end those who will suffer the most are the poor women and children in Palestine, Lebanon and perhaps Syria dragged reluctantly into a senseless war by mindless politicians. Of course not a few expect Isreal to show restraint but it is proof once again that patience does have an elastic limit and silence must not be taken for timidity.

This present action might not bring the desired middle east peace but countries thinking of targeting Isreal might be forced to take a pause.

Note: Now that oil prices have jumped to almost $80 per barrel, will Nigerians now get their desired "dividends of democracy" or will ghana-must-go bags continue to exchange hands as usual?

Political headbutting Zizou style!

2006-07-11T14:55:00.000-04:00

Zinedine Zidane will probably be remembered as the greatest midfielder of the last decade. The son of immigrant Algerian parents will be revered for his sublime skills, passing, vision and extraordinary goals on the field of play. He will also be forever remembered for his last act on the football pitch, a vicious head butt into the chest of Italian defender, Marco Materazzi. Whether Marco called Zizou a terrorist or not is open to debate but he has probably learned his lesson, even patience itself has an elastic limit.
There are many people Nigerians would love to give the Zizou treatment, below are my list of potential candidates for the Zizou-butt:

Baba - for taking Nigeria back to the political wilderness, for wasting our oil resources and an unsuccessful attempt to take us on the long road to Zimbabwe.
Atiku Abubakar - The coward who'd rather cling to power than take the honourable route out even after falling out with his boss.
Alhaji Bukar Ibrahim - The governor of Yobe state who's economic genius includes placing "repentant" robbers on the states payroll.
Gov Kure - Thanks to him, we now know the south-south can never produce any presidential "material".
RTD Brig. Gen David Mark - According to him, the most successful countries in the world have been ruled only by ex-military men. Bill Clinton must have been in his brigade.
Ibrahim Galadima - If not for his bungled handling of the NFA, perhaps Super Eagles players may have been to Germany to watch Zizou's head butt.
Samaila Sambawa - Lesson in how not to run the sports (er football) ministry.
Gov Gbenga Akala - Area boy in power.

"Repentant robbers"; a new way to curb crime?

2006-07-08T13:45:00.000-04:00

Thanks to harebrained schemes by the government of Yobe state, it may now be more profitable to be an armed robber than a university graduate. In a nation where citizens with masters degrees are still looking for non-existent jobs years after leaving school, "repentant robbers" in Yobe state would now be granted pardon and paid N5,200 per month if he surrenders his weapons and swears an oath in public that he will never engage in banditry again.

To say this scheme is simply the dance of the absurd is being economical with the truth. When did armed robbers start carrying ID cards? How does the state government intend to identify who is truly a robber or not? With thousands of jobless youths and almajiris roaming the streets of Yobe, how many "robbers" does the state government intend to care for? This again points to the failure of the Nigerian state, in a country where policemen depend on N20 check point tolls to survive, workers are either underpaid or unpaid, thousands of youths leave school with no means of livelihood, the few workers are being thrown out of jobs and companies are folding up at an alarming rate, the Yobe state government has chosen to spend scarce resources on "repentant robbers"!
I do not blame the Yobe state government. It does not generate the revenue it so lavishly wastes on irresponsible schemes such as this. When states do not have the responsibility of generating their own revenue, it does not care how it wastes its "share" of the national cake. If the money were from state tax payers, it is not likely Gov. Bukar Ibrahim would be thinking of paying "repentant" criminals a sum of money even university graduates cannot dream of.

Rather than curb crime, this scheme is likely to serve as an incentive to take to crime. We don't even have to look too far, it is not unlikely that members of the committee in charge of this scheme would fill the roster with their relatives and friends as "repentant robbers" and further serve as an unecessary drain of public funds.
Schools are dilapidated, roads are in shambles, no jobs, no water, electricity does not exist and yet we have the funds to pay criminals.
When government officials, the greatest of all official robbers, swear on the bible and qu'ran, it is not a guarantee that our foreign reserve would be not end up in their private pockets. What right have we to expect more honesty from petty thieves?

Nigerians must rise to this unecessary waste of funds and call the Yobe state government to order. Public funds must be used judiciously for the good of law abiding citizens, the place of a criminal must remain firmly behind bars.

nairaland.com, 9 months after!

2006-07-06T18:06:00.000-04:00

It would be exactly 9 months in a few weeks that i mistakenly stumbled on the Nigerian forum, Nairaland.com. It's been 9 months of fun intermingled with disappointment, dismay and despair. 9 months of the mundane and important, 9 months of learning how not to massage egos, 9 months of words of encouragements, intellectual challenges and downright insults. 9 months of being banned, unbanned and being uncertain when the next sledge hammer ban would fall.

It is sad that most of the brilliant minds that used to keep us so busy on the forum have slowly trickled away, unfortunately we are left with teenagers pretending to be adults, those whose parents would be ashamed to see their pictures and posts online. People who have so little to contribute and yet waste tons of space. People like Rhodalyn, supposedly 17 yet is as dumb as dumb ever gets. Never seen a sensible post from her, all she's thinking about is turning 18 to have sex with her boyfriend!
Lord!
Eveseh? Another issue entirely! Let's not go there. Maki posts pictures that leave nothing to the imagination, as for aqua, any day he posts something that is not fit for the "Adult" section would be a miracle. The sections that get the most buzz these days are the offtopic and chatterbox sections where "intellectually stimulating" discourses such as "the hottest girl on NL", "questions for Rhod", Ciarra vs Beyonce", "what are you eating now" and others hold sway.
Gone are the days when the likes of Ijebuman and Nferyn held us spelbound on the politics section. Akolawole who was doing a marvelous job in the sports section has since been given the "ban" treatment, where are the likes of Owo and Ono? So many have left and in their place we now have the likes of Efani, Bigshishi, retro and eveseh.
The likes of Retro are just 18 and yet sex, boys (blacks road closed!) and cigarettes are like second nature. Hotangel, i really don't see why so many people are so fixated on that girl. Colorless would be the word, neither here nor there.
True Nairaland has grown to be the biggest online forum for Nigerians but it's administrative style has allowed it to become infested with bored teenagers eager to massage their insecure egos by constantly hiding behind the facade of anonymity to insult those old enough to be their parents. Diddy4 has told all those "adults" who want respect from his teenage group to show them respect first, i'm wondering when the world suddenly turned upside down. Perhaps fathers are now supposed to respect their sons first.

For those still interested in some scrappy bit of intellectual excercise, a good place to start may be the religion thread. The likes of TayoD, Gwaine, Syrup, Ajia23, Logical are posters worth taking a second look at. For those interested in the absurd, you might want to start with the recycle bin and then move to the offtopic (more like cat fight/dissing zone) threads.

Great threads still exist, friends and partnerships have been forged through that forum, bridges have been built, lessons learned. Nairaland has come a long way from its small beginings but is gradually falling prey to the vices that befell one-time hit social networks such as friendstar. It has the potential to be a major meeting point for Nigerians world wide, but whether the admin is up to the task of taking the forum to the next level remains to be seen.

xyz: Hello Davidylan, This Is Xyz From Nairaland.com

2006-07-06T14:47:00.000-04:00

XYZ: Hello Davidylan, this is XYZ from Nairaland.com
Davidylan: hi
XYZ: hello

*5 minutes wait*

XYZ: asl please
Davidylan: please introduce yourself first
XYZ: XYZ from nairaland.com
Davidylan: are you new? i've never seen your Nairaland id before.
XYZ: yes i'm new
XYZ: Buzz
XYZ: talk to me
XYZ: Buzz

*Davidylan sets YIM to invisible*

For the many members (especially those in Europe and the USA) of nairaland.com (Nigeria's premier public forum) with visible Yahoo messenger indicators, that is a taste of what everyday looks like logged on to your YIM.
I am sure i'm not the only one who is constantly peppered with this kind of desperate girls who don't seem to have anything to say beyond "hello this is ABC from nairaland" or "will you be my friend?"
I sometimes wonder why people still havent learnt the basic skill in human relations. If you initiate a conversation, the onus lies on you to carry that conversation at least until you can convince the other individual why you deserve a piece of his precious time. Dont say hi and then start buzzing and telling me to talk to you because i just can't! i don't know you and i did not start my day planning to talk to you!

Northern Nigeria, Oil and me!

2006-06-30T10:27:00.000-04:00

Without doubt Nigeria has been ruined by northern politicians, thanks to the locust years of Gowon (who told us our problem was how to spend our enormous resources, serious govts would have saved for the rainy days, the idiot who signed away bakassi, the egoistical nonentity who scrapped our regional system of govt and imposed a most unworkable unitary govt, a man who dragged us through 3 years of civil war from which the igbos are yet to recover, a man who hung on to power for 9 years and ruined oour best chance at being the giant of Africa, yes the same man who has asked us to "pray"!).

Shagari (i mean that illiterate grade 2 teacher, the one who destroyed our foreign reserve, yes the very man who was the genesis of our foreign debt, the one who's govt was a benchmark for incompetence, nepotism, financial profligacy, and corruption, yes the man who now carries himself as an "elderstatesman).

Babangida (yes o, our own dear maradona, the one who instituted corruption as a state policy, the very one who sat on our freest and fairest election, the one who stashed away over $12b belonging to the impoverished oil communities, yes you are right, the gap-toothed politician who wants to rule us again).

Abacha? (may i say more? The very devil who took us to the brink of collapse, yes o the man under whom Nigeria virtually became a pariah state and made life most difficult for poor innocent southerners. the very one who killed off our brightest minds and exiled those lucky to still be alive, the one whos state policy was indian prostitutes).

Other northern governors (the idiots who complain when states are told to assume the burden of the education of their own children, those very ones who rule their states from foreign lands, the alhajis who planned to derail democracy by instituting hand cutting, butt flogging as govt policies. Those who ban rereational activities in their states yet demand for "their share" of VAT made in "sinful" southern states.

Northern Nigerians - The most ill-educated people i have ever seen, lazier than sloths. Those who manage to escape to Lagos now galivant around the place, sadly your folk have ruined our country, it will be hard to forgive and forget that thanks to your fathers, we are now the third poorest nation in the world. I can imagine what life would have been like without you northern folks, we'd have had the likes of Obafemi Awolowo for president, those visionary leaders who gave us free education, the same education you came and bastardised with your unity schools and JAMB nonsense. We would be talking of having an okotie or Gani or Utomi for president now, instead all we are hearing from the cattle rearers up north is "gentlemans' agreement", "it is our turn", "marginalisation", "military despots were not dictators" and all other nonsense.
Thanks to Federal Character Commission,, we now have illiterates in power, Toronto certificate holders populate our hallowed chambers and those who are now advocating using hausa language in our highest seat of paliament to mask their own paucity of intellect.

I look back at my country Nigeria and i can't but pray hard that the north truly discovers oil, it will be a great relief to have these leeches off our backs for good!

England as "world stars"

2006-06-29T12:06:00.000-04:00

England as one of the 8 best teams in the world? someone must be playing a practical joke somewhere! Of the 8 teams in the QF, only England and perhaps ukraine have failed to impress even themselves in 4 matches. Portugal, Brazil, France, Argentina, Germany and Italy have shown us moments of great football. We have seen exceptional talent unfold in this teams and truly they are the face of world class football. England have huffed and puffed their way through 4 goals relying on set pieces and own goals to get by. The attack is none existent as up to this stage of the competition they are still trying out their formation. 4-4-2 today, 4-5-1 tomorrow. The midfield with Lumpard and Gerard is a mess. Beckham wears jersey no. 7 but does not play as a right winger, Rooney is marooned up front and Crouch??? Even Robinho on the bench with one leg is better.
The defence with John Terry is a joke, Robinson has looked suspect and will be vulnerable against blistering attacks from the likes of Germany, Argentina and Brazil. Joe Cole is simply a one game wonder, a wonder strike from distance and nothing else. The whole England team is a fraud, a media creation, at best a bunch of mediocre players who have been decieved to percieve themselves as "world stars" but have failed to be convincing against soccer minnows.
The FIFA seeding system seems to protect teams like England while exposing other better but unseeded teams to early outster. It is unlikely England would have qualified from a group comprising Holland, Ghana and Spain.

Chief Sunny Okogwu, excercise in stupidity!

2006-06-28T12:53:00.000-04:00

"it was the North and not the South that had legitimate claim to all the oil found in the Niger Delta region. This, according to him, is because the oil flow from North Africa and could have been prevented from reaching the south but for the magnanimity of the North. If you have knowledge of geography you’ll know that the resource they are talking about is not coming from them. It is coming from far North of Africa, it’s a flowing liquid.
If Northern Nigeria decides to be greedy, they can terminate the resource going to them, by way of cutting it and the flow will stop. So, all the resources that will be flowing to the south by way of crude would be diverted in a well in the North and from there it can be tapped and exported."
http://odili.net/news/source/2006/jun/26/213.html

It is clear that Chief Okogwu must have failed Geography in his school certificate exam. It is sad that a man of his "reputation" can claim the oil wealth in the Niger Delta "flowed" from the north. He goes further to ridicule himself by claiming the north could "terminate" the resource if they felt greedy and the flow would stop. Pray, the north has been greedy for 40yrs, why haven't they stopped the flow? How do they intend to do that? Which geography textbook told Chief Okogwu that oil flows like rivers? How can oil be diverted to a well in the north fromm where it can be tapped and exported? If this where possible why was the north insisting on wasting enormous resources searching for oil in the Chad basin? Why didn't they just redirect "their" oil? Where is the oil in the middle east flowing from?

If Chief, by his amazing wisdom has found out that oil truly flows from the north, can he please explain to us how that oil got to the north in the first place or was it flowing from somewhere else too? What about our lessons in fossils fuels, do we throw away our textbooks?
What about natural gas, coal, tin, gold, copper? Have they been "flowing" from somewhere too?

FIFA rankings, world class players and Germanny 2006

2006-06-27T17:00:00.000-04:00

I have been spending a trememndous amount of time reading through 606 sports message boards on BBC, as usual most if not all of the talk has centered primarily on the world cup and with the board largely populated by English fans, what else do you expect?
With the world cup at the quarter final stage, the men are finally being separated from the boys, the farce that is FIFA rankings are being exposed as mere reward for playing inconsequential games.
How can you reconcile the likes of USA and Ukraine being among the top 10 teams in the world and Ghana is lying a lowly 48th? Thanks to a flash in the pan performance by the Yanks in 2002, numerous "world cup veterans" and "world class goalscorers" on ESPN took to touting the US for a semi final place. In fact most Americans were so focused on the US vs Italy game that no one gave Ghana a chance to make the round of 16. Here was a Ghana team that totally outclassed Czech Republic (world's second best team ala FIFA) 2-0, the same team that white washed the US team 3-0 including "world class players" like Landon Donovan and Brian Mcbride. The USA have ended up the 5th best team in the world thanks to constant victories over the likes of Nassau, Trinidad and Tobago and other "world class" teams.

The English media have never stopped reminding us of the fact that they have produced arguably the "finest 11 players in the world", they tell us this is the best team to come from England since 1966, a big shame to the talented bunch of English players to Italia 1990. We are told of a "world class" midfield that includes the "finest dribbler in Europe (J. Cole), the "2nd best" player in the world in Fat Frank Lumpard and other world class players including "primadonna Beckham and Steven Gerard. They have even gone as far as hinging English world cup hopes on the fragile shoulders of a tempramental 20 year old "world star" in Wayne Rooney.

Something must be wrong somewhere. After 4 games, England has huffed and puffed their way into an underserved quarter final place. John Terry was mysteriously named Man of the Match after his horrendous showing in the game against Ecuador. Lampard and Beckham have done nothing to justify their place in the present English team and of the 11 first team players, it is hard to see anyone of them who can easily break into a Brazilian squad that has the likes of Juninho, Robinho and Cicinho on the bench. Joe Cole as Europe's finest dribbler? Pleasee!
After 2 fruitless and anonymous performances, it is surprising Micheal Owen is still being regarded as a "world class" striker. The same media did not hesitate to call for the dropping of a fat but still dangerous Ronaldo from the brazilian line up.

The world cup has exposed how little the English media really knows about football. For them, soccer revolves around the English league and anyone English player who shows flashes of occassional average performances is automatically labeled a world class player. How many trophies has Rooney won? Yet he is touted as the world cup's best young player in a tourney that has the likes of Messi, Tevez, Robinho, Cesc Fabregas?
Lampard as the world's second best player? With the likes of Riquelme, Essien, Saviola, Ribery?
David Beckham claims to have "answered his critics" with a fluke free kick against Ecuador after over 300 minutes of strolling around the pitch doing nothing.

Thanks to FIFA rankings, the likes of England get an easy passage to an underserved QF place while teams like Ivory Coast, Ghana, Sweden, Spain, Holland take early showers.
At the rate things are going, the title "world class" could as well be ascribed to an Enyimba United player, depends on how loud your media can get.