2nd republic Nigerian politicians’ referred to themselves as “new breed politicians”, those who make up the current dispensation of our “nascent” democracy must view themselves as a “celestial breed” of politicians.

Embattled house speaker, Mrs. Patricia Etteh, is currently fighting for her political life in the face of allegations that she spent more than N500m to furnish an official apartment that was only renovated less than 5yrs ago. The same woman who allegedly claims to represent the voice of more than 70% of Nigerians who live below the poverty line is also accused to have inflated contracts to purchase private vehicles for herself and her deputy despite the fact that she already had 12 official vehicles. Madam Etteh of course attempted to pull the wool over our eyes by clutching desperately to the drowning straws of “due process” (an official garb for legalizing corruption). She will have to do much more than whine about her innocence to convince us that rugs, chairs and tables cost N500m!

Desperate in the face of mounting plots to probe her profligate regime, Madam Etteh and her defenders are going back to dig up dirt on some members of the last house of representatives. It is alleged that some past house leaders collected N8000 per week to purchase table salt for their offices. Perhaps they alone live on a separate island where their own specially manufactured salt costs about as much as a 50kg bag of imported rice!

Madam Etteh does not deceive us with her sudden zeal to probe the sleazy details of the last house leadership, she is merely doing this as a form of trade-off to scare the hypocrites crying loudly about corruption. We have been through this charade before, it is not about “due process” but about the private agendas of thieves, crooks and dishonorable men and women who parade themselves as servants of the people in the corridors of power.

A high school student once asked US presidential aspirant, Sen. John McCain this question on a campaign stop at a New Hampshire high school;
"If elected, you'd be older than Ronald Reagan, making you the oldest president. Do you ever worry you might die in office or get Alzheimer's or some other disease that might affect your judgment?"

The boy was incredibly lucky, by now he would have been the guest of the EFCC accused of money laundering had he posed that question to the old chicken farmer from Otta who allegedly pretends to believe in the freedom of speech.

Who am I deceiving? How many political aspirants bothered to dignify Nigerians with a proper campaign for office beyond the glib newspaper adverts? While his colleagues were “debating” on live television, incumbent mallam Umaru was busy sleeping. I don’t blame him, he already knew the result!

Sir Umaru, if elected you’d be the first president with bad kidneys. Do you ever worry that you might die in office or spend the better part of your tenure on German hospital beds, a situation that might affect your performance?

Another student claimed; "I came here looking to see a good leader I don't."

Sir Umaru, I waited in vain for a vibrant and innovative leader, sadly I see none.

I only hope that like John McCain, Umaru would simply reply "I understand. I thank you, that’s what Nigeria and democracy is all about."

Time they say is a thief of opportunities, after a couple of months in the gulag of inactivity the effervescent spirit of blogging returns with a vengeance and a renewed vigour. The inactivity may have had its desired effects; I have since developed an apathy to Nigeria’s intransigent system of government. I am no longer worried that more than 70% of Nigerians live on less than $1 a day; I am not bothered that Madam Patricia Etteh, allegedly one of Nigeria’s chief servants has chosen to use the entire budgets of several smaller African states to furnish her “official residence”. Don’t remind me about the hostage situation in the Niger Delta. Is the chieftain of Amala politics still holding the people of Ibadan to ransom?

I have stopped watching the news from Africa, there is nothing to watch besides famine, war, corruption, poverty and electioneering fraud. Like the retired farmer from Otta, I don’t even bother to read the newspapers again. There are more important matters of national security to attend to; the ministry of women affairs!

Serena Williams almost conspired to ruin my primetime tennis night, a combination of sluggish movement, ridiculous rash of unforced errors and a nonchalant approach to her Qfinal match ending in a 1-6 second set thrashing all combine to ensure I’m not going to be enthusiastic to see her play in another grand slam anytime soon. The piece of horsecrap she calls her hair? Ah that is the subject of another unbeweavable blog post!
While almighty Rafa teaches David Ferrer a tennis lesson, I lie in bed plotting the next strategy to deal with a belligerent colleague at work. I used to think gossip was the sole preserve of women; alas this guy absolutely puts all Iya Basira’s to shame!

I met a very cute chic on the first day of classes today. . . the fall semester is gearing up to be fun afterall!