Are some animals more equal than others? Is the world merely a stage for political intrigues?
Nigeria recently came under fire when former Liberian President and Warlord Charles Taylor, wanted on charges of human rights abuses during the Liberian civil war was declared missing from his Calabar home where he had been living in exile.
It will be noted that Charles Taylor resigned as Liberian President under a peace deal brokered by Pres Obasanjo that would allow him take up exile in Nigeria and would not be forced to answer charges of human rights abuses.
Strong political armtwisting from Liberia, the UN and the United States however forced Nigeria to agree to hand over Charles Taylor to the UN-backed war crimes tribunal in freetown.

Most Nigerians, quick to dismiss their government as inept and iresponsible, were quick to denounce the escape of Charles Taylor with several foreign news media describing Nigeria as irresponsible and calling on Pres. G.W. Bush to cancel talks with Nigerian President Olusegun Obasanjo.

• However, it is on record that Charles Taylor did escape from a US prison in Sept 1985 to begin his campaign of terror in Liberia. No one has yet to accuse the US of irresponsibility nor has anyone questioned America's "moral authority".
• The agreement signed in Accra in 2003 was for Nigeria to hand Charles Taylor over to a democratically elected president in Liberia and not to the UN war crimes tribunal.
• The Special Court in Sierra Leone is a UN-backed court and not a UN body. Nigeria is not signatory to the Special Court in Sierra Leone. The Special Court lacks the power of the ICTY and ICTR to assert primacy over national courts of third States or to order the surrender of an accused located in any third State.
• The US is not a signatory to the ICC and ICJ conventions of the UN where they have demanded Taylor be sent. No US soldier can be tried by any International court of justice for war crimes.

We are forced to think America's current posturing over Charles Taylor amounts to hypocrisy and political bullying. This is also a pointer to the present Nigeria government to redefine her foreign policy. It is absurd that we continue to sacrifice billions of dollars and the lives of our soldiers playing the dubious role of big brother to other African nations and yet get kicks in return. We have myriads of problems on our hands, let every country solve its own problems.

"The people of Niger look well-fed, as you can see,"
“We have no people starving to death, no villages deserted by their inhabitants, no trucks carrying displaced people, no refugee camps…”
- President Mamadou Tandja of Niger. 9 August 2005

OMG! It has become a daily ordeal just to get through with the daily headlines from Nigeria without getting that sinking feeling deep in your stomach that you're about to throw up. Agreed that bad news is real news (according to the media), but does Nigeria's have to be that bad?

Just check out the latest headlines:

Wanted Liberian ex-president disappears - Nigeria

Pres. Obasanjo to attend African Fertilizer summit in the US: This i found most ludicrous. Why would the President waste tax payers money to attend a fertilizer summit in faraway USA when he personally sold the only viable fertilizer plant in Onne in the name of privatisation. Or is it, as Remi Oyo said, because he is a keen farmer and he is particularly concerned about the need for Africa to be able to feed itself? Can Nigeria feed herself?

Makama: We Can't Count All Nigerians: After 'planning' for three years and spending a whopping N54billion?

NFA to decide on Falconets today: THE board of the Nigeria Football Association (NFA) will, this morning, decide whether Nigeria's U-20 female team, the Falconets, will play its Kenyan counterpart in this weekend's FIFA Junior World Cup qualifier.
Two different teams from the camps of former NFA board member, Alhaja Ayo Omidiran, and the acting secretary general of the body, Fanny Amun, are already at the match venue in Ijebu-Ode waiting for the visiting Kenyans....

Radar fails at Lagos airport

For the Masses...

GSM
Decayed social infrastructure
Hospitals (pseudo-mortuaries) without drugs
Poor standard of education
Unpaid salaries and pensions
Never Expect Power Always
Kerosene scarcity
Bad roads
Dilapidated airports

For Baba and his 'associates...

Yearly furniture allowance
Free monthly MTN recharge cards
50 foreign trips per annum all expenses paid
Estacodes
Private jets and bullet proof jeeps
National honors
Life immunity from prosecution

"those who break our laws will be punished to the full extent of the law. There will be no sacred cows..." President Obasanjo. March 1, 2000.

A group of Senators are currently working on a law to confer life immunity from prosecution to President Olusegun Obasanjo, his family members and close associates when he leaves office. According to those behind the law, this would deter the President from attempting to hang unto power beyond 2007 and would render invalid the argument being canvassed by pro-third term campaigners, those prodding him to remain in office by suggesting he would be prosecuted if he quits at the expiration of his term in 2007.

According to the lawmakers, "we are working on giving him life immunity so that he can leave".

This indeed are dangerous times for Nigeria's nascent democracy. It is becoming more obvious by the day that those we elected to represent us at the various houses of parliament are ONLY there for their own benefit. In six years of 'democracy', our representatives are yet to enact any laws that have lasting benefits on those they purport to represent. Every law passed to date has been solely either to perpetuate themselves in office or give them a secure future for themselves when they eventually vacate office.
This retrogressive law will when operational grant life immunity from prosecution for Baba's unborn grand and great-grandchildren. Baba's political associates, including all of his over 72 ministers, special advisers, current members of the two houses of representatives and their families would also be immune from prosecution. This is an indirect license to loot the countries' treasury, murder innocent civilians, rig elections and forge certificates. The law is aimed at ensuring that within the next few years, virtually every member of Nigeria's ruling elite and their families would be effectively above the law. Those to whom the law would be applied would be those unfortunate not to have any "close associate" in power.

This would also ensure that all the next President needs to do would be to threaten not to step down after two terms in office to force the Senate to bribe him out of office with another self serving law. Political office would become much more than a life and death issue since it automatically confers the license to steal without the fear of being caught.

With this new law, the Nigerian society has effectively become stratified between "first class" and "second class" citizens. Those who swore to uphold the law have put themselves above the law. Let no one fool us by telling us there are no sacred cows. It is obvious we now have sacred goats, sheep and chickens!

"When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said "Let us pray." We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land."…Bishop Desmond Tutu

“Nigeria’s problem is not money, but how to spend it”…the Gospel according to Gen Yakubu Gowon

Everywhere you turn, a Nigerian is praying. Whether on the mountains, in the synagogues, at stadiums or even in the government house, a Nigerian is praying. Old men are praying, women are praying, doctors are praying, even atheists are beginning to pray. We love to pray, on our knees, on the road, in our cars, in schools; everywhere we are praying. Political thieftains are praying, Governors are praying, legislathieves are praying, even the president has a special house of prayer! Criminals are praying, those who jump bail are praying, fugitives are praying, this truly is the land of prayer!
Nigerians are a people of prayer, they pray for light, water, good roads, drugs and a good education. When Abacha bestrode this country like a colossus, Nigerians prayed. When the bellview airlines crash of 22/10 occurred, Nigerians took it to the Lord in prayer. When Alamsco disgraced us all in London, you bet he just left it in the hands of the Lord to deal with his enemies in His time.
Just in case we were beginning to forget, Governor Boni Haruna of Adamawa state reminded us that only prayer could save Nigeria from all the problems bedeviling the nation. He further enjoined us to “engage in serious prayers and fasting and appeal to God for deliverance”.
Nigerians are even asked to pray for “dividends of democracy”!

Recent comments by our Government officials have begun to portray us as a nation in crisis, a nation of unserious and insincere individuals and sadly as a nation adrift in the ocean without a captain. The increasing recourse to “prayers” by our rulers has only exposed their crass incompetence and complete ignorance for the tasks for which they where elected to power. Government speeches these days are never complete without the usual request for prayers, When the super eagles failed to make it to Germany 2006, Alhaji Ibrahim Galadima told us it was the will of God and not our birthright. We do not even need to play at the nation’s cup next year since it is also not our birthright, let us go to the mountain and pray that the Lord will miraculously send the cup to Nigeria. Since Chief Bola Ige died, we have been told that God will fish out His killers.
I am not against prayer, far from it! In fact I believe in the credo that a prayer less Christian is a powerless Christian. But I am reminded daily that President Bush also prays, I know that Abraham Lincoln was a prayer warrior, George Washington prayed, and millions of Americans and Europeans pray daily. Why are our own prayers not answered by God? Is God blind only to African prayers? Do we accuse God of racism?No! God has not been partial, infact He has been most magnanimous to our nation. Despite sharing the same Atlantic ocean with the southern united states, we have been spared the horrors of hurricanes. We do not have constant earthquakes like the Japanese, we do not have to look over our shoulders and place a whole nation on terror alerts. What else can we ask for?
The difference is in our attitudes and sincerity of purpose. While Governor Haruna has told us to fast and pray, his family does not need to pray for the next meal, Alamsco does not need to pray before going for a tummy tuck. The senate president did not fast before getting his new #40million naira toy, neither do children of ministers have to pray to study abroad. It is the common man who has to pray, it is he who is saddled with the responsibility of asking God for his next meal while Government officials feed fat on state resources.
General Yakubu Gowon set up Nigeria prays and has told us all to pray. We remember that it was he who dragged us into the 30 month civil war that the ndigbos are yet to recover from 25 years after. We remember that he it was who told us that our problem was not money but how to spend it. We also do not forget that he even proceeded to teach us how to spend the money by paying the salaries of civil servants in Gambia. We do also note that his government laid the foundation for the present rot that pervades our landscape. Rather than own up to his 9 years of misrule, he has enjoined us to pray!
Governor Haruna has told us to include fasting in our prayer. After six years in office, Yola still remains one of the most backward state capitals in terms of social infrastructure despite huge monthly allocations to the state. Electricity supply is epileptic, not once did water run in taps the entire one year I spent in the state. Thank God for the advent of GSM, yola is now connected to the outside world.

While Government officials enjoin us to fast and pray for our country, they feather their own nests in foreign countries. While students are praying against ASUU strikes, the president and vice president are busy building their own private universities. While patients are praying for simple chloroquine, Nigerian officials are doing tummy tucks and facelifts in European countries. While we are still praying towards the elusive house for all by the year 2010, government officials are awarding themselves government houses. While we are praying, the Edo state governor has just built the most fantastic residence anywhere in Africa for $250m. Yet we will still pray.While other serious nations are praying for peace, Nigerians are still praying for electricity, good roads (and airports), food and water in the twenty-first century.

Despite the fact that Nigeria is the sixth largest producer of crude oil in the world, we still have to pray for kerosene to cook, petrol to fill our tanks and gas to run our turbines.With all the rivers and oceans that surround us, we still need to pray for portable water.Despite the billions of naira voted for road construction this year, Nigerians still have to begin every road trip with a night vigil. Each time we travel by air, we must precede with a session of prayer.Lecturers have to pray for salaries, doctors must pray for their allowances, NLC prays against fuel increase, graduates are praying for jobs, patients are praying for drugs, policemen are praying for #20; indeed everyone is praying.Pensioners have been praying for years for their entitlements, they still have many more years to pray, infact they might even need to include a fast.Every year huge sums of money are voted for providing social services, yet each time our elected (and unelected) officials tell us to pray.

While we are praying, They build houses in London and the USA. While we pray, their children study in prestigious foreign universities. While we are on the mountain, their wives and girlfriends are busy gallivanting around the world. While we pray for electricity, Gen Abdulsalam Abubakar has a solar power generator in his house.Even though our leaders know only God can solve our problems, yet they are quarrelling over who gets our votes in 2007. They do not want to leave office, perhaps they still want to pray more.It is rumored that president Obasanjo is angling for a third term in office, maybe he has left the decision to God. All we can do is pray.

But I no longer live in Nigeria. I am fast forgetting how to pray. I don’t have to pray for water, I don’t have to pray for electricity, I don’t need to fast for good roads. I don’t need to visit my pastor before I travel, I don’t have to pray against armed robbers because they are not there.I don’t need to pray for fuel for my car or gas to cook. I don’t need to pray against lecturers strike, I don’t need to pray for drugs because I have medical insurance.I don’t have to pray for a house over my head or clothes to wear or food to eat. I don’t need to pray that George Bush will quit in 2007, I don’t need to pray against corrupt leaders for I know they will be caught and jailed. I don’t need to pray for good runways, I don’t need to pray against tokunbo aircraft. Indeed I don’t have to pray for a visa!
Not that I don’t pray at all, but I can channel my prayers to something more useful like praying for a wife and good children. I have time to pray for success in my exams because I don’t have to worry about praying for things that God has already provided but have been squandered by those who profess to rule us.

God answers prayers. That is why America is what it is today. That is why Nigeria is still together today and we are not being threatened by natural disasters and terrorists bombs.
Rather we are praying against those who have ganged up against our collective future, those who are in power only for themselves and their families and have constituted themselves a form of man-made natural disaster to our nation.

Interestingly they are the ones who are admonishing us the loudest to carry our problems to the Lord in prayer.

As a cloud of uncertainty hangs over Nigeria's political future, Nigerians have been urged by politicians and religious leaders to embark on spiritual guerilla warfare for the peace and stability of the nation.
The Council of Islamic Ulamas (Scholars) of Nigeria have enjoined both Muslims and non-Muslims to embark on prayers to thwart President Olusegun Obasanjo's bid to have a third term in office. The Ulamas in a communiqué at the end of an emergency meeting, to discuss some issues of National importance, in Kaduna urged all Ulamas, imams, alfas, and all mosques madrasses and Zawiyas nationwide and all Nigerians "to immediately embark on prayers for the peace, security and stability of Nigeria, and to pray against anything or anybody that could bring chaos or disorder to Nigeria".
In more serious climes, no one would be bothering to pray to thwart the ambition of one man to foist himself on the people because constitutional provisions are followed to the letter, there are checks and balances that prevent illegal manipulation of the constitution and the electorate are empowered to enforce their rights to determine who governs them.
There can be no peace but that of the graveyard in a Nation where injustice, corruption, ethnic and religious intolerance, disenfranchisement of the people, police brutality and Government indifference hold.
Unless the Nigerian question is solved and the people allowed to have a say in the constitution-making process, asking them to pray would be an exercise in futility.
For the solution to our problems lie not in our prayer skills but on our ability to tackle those real problems that only our politicians fail to see.

According to an opinion poll conducted by the guardian newspapers, 83% of respondents do not support Senator Mantu's recommendations on the review of the constitution that gives a third term of four years to our current political office holders. Yet Senator Mantu told all who cared to listen in Port- Harcourt that he was only carrying out the wishes of ALL Nigerians.
Only yesterday, the controversial third term plot generated another rowdy, chair-flinging session in the house of represent-a-thieves where members opposed to the third term stalled a motion seeking to commend the president for what some other members described as his “speedy signing of the 2006 Appropriation Act”. Many of the angry honorables protested the inclusion of their names on the motion without seeking their consent.They also alleged that some fictitious names were smuggled into the motion to make up for the 221 members who allegedly sponsored it. Do these (dis)honorable men and women really represent the masses on whose ticket they where purportedly (s)elected to office? Since when did it become imperative for honorables to commend Mr. President for doing what he was elected to do? While most serious nations already have their economic plans drawn up from the preceeding year, our so-called honorables are falling over themselves to commend Baba for signing the appropriation bill in February. Is this truly a democracy where separation of powers exist? Are there no check and balances to ensure each arm of Government carries out it's functions as at when due?

The Ondo state house of assembly wrote itself into the guiness book of records when it impeached it's new speaker to be replaced by the former speaker impeached barely 24 hours earlier. While impeaching the former speaker, the legislators cited "official misconduct" as the basis for his removal. What offence did the new speaker commit in 24 hours? Why was the former speaker reinstated despite the charge of official misconduct? What constitutes official misconduct?
Barely four days later, the same shameless (dis)honorables took out a full page advert in the national dailies to pledge their loyalty to President (A)ba(cha)njo. A part of the advertisement reads; "we are in full support of your proposals for constitutional review and whatever you further require in this regard, we assure you of our one hundred per cent co-operation”. Did these legislators have the backing of the people of Ondo state before pledging their 100% support to the President? Did the legislators seek the peoples opinion on consitutional review before pledging their support of Baba's proposals? Have the legislators inadvertently told us what we all knew, that the constitutional review was all Baba's proposal?
Are the legislators accountable to Baba or to the people? What manner of Democracy is this?

If the actions of the Ondo state house of assembly is anything like the mood of the other 35 state houses of assemble, then Nigerians may as well begin the long march back to political oblivion.
Welcome to Uganda!

45 years after independence, Nigeria like the giant "elephant" of Africa that it is, has continued to grope in the dark seeking the elusive eldorado that has been so elaborately laid out in the grandiose Vision(less) 2010 report.
Politicians never fail to rile us with the usual "corruption" and "bad leadership" as the bane of the Nigerian experience and of course proffer themselves as the panacea to all the nation's problems. Experience however has taught us the opposite, with every change of guard, Nigerians have had to cope with a soaring debt profile (the result of profligate borrowing, spending and looting of the nation's treasury by politicians that have no bearing on the citizenry), disappearance of the middle class, lower standard of living, poor social infrastructure, a mono-economy heavily dependent on International oil prices, poor human rights record, and a government that has progressively chosen to abdicate it's responsibility to the citizenry.

However, those with the benefit of hindsight know that the issues of corruption and bad leadership are like the symptoms of Malaria. You do not treat malaria by taking pain relievers for headache! Perhaps only dubious politicians still nurse the archaic idea that Nigeria is the "giant" of Africa. But for the singular fact of being the largest aggregation of black peoples on earth, Nigeria lacks the basic criteria that qualifies it to be regarded as the "giant" of Africa. While Ghana has celebrated 3 years of uninterrupted power supply, Nigeria still gropes in darkness despite huge hydroelectric and gas resources.
SouthAfrica has since rolled out strict visa regulations for Nigerians aspiring to travel to that country. Up north, it is hard to tell where Nigerian borders start and end with the way illegal aliens from Chad and Niger flow in and out of the country.

Nigeria has been "independent" for 45 years and yet remains an elephant with two heads, one marching resolutely in the direction of 5th century Arabia and the other heading towards the grandeur of capitalist Europe and the New World. Ethnic clashes, religious intolerance, the rise of ethnic militias and the current hostage situation in the Niger Delta are signposts that all is not well with the polity.
Nigerian politicians tell us we are a "democratic federal republic", but we know that we are federal only in name, we are not a republic and our so-called nascent democracy is nothing but a non-military dictatorship. How else do you explain the charade called public hearings that hopes to foister an unpopular government on the people by mutilating the constitution? Is it not ironic that the very constitution that begins with the words "we the people..." has had no input from the people, 90% of whom have no idea what is contained in the constitution?

Politicians are quick to add the oft used cliche of "one Nigeria" whenever the issue of a federal state is brought to the fore especially on the issue of resource control. We all know that Nigeria has never and will never be one. The same politicians do not believe in the oneness of Nigeria, their children are born and live in European or North American countries, they loot the treasury and stash the loot in foreign bank accounts, they are quick to use ethnic sentiments to manipulate votes and public opinion in their favor, they have businesses and property in foreign countries. They claim one Nigeria yet there are separate school fees for northern and southern students in some state schools in the North. They claim one Nigeria yet appointments to public office is glaringly based on ethnic sentiment and not competence in the name of Federal character.

It is clear that those who promote the false concept of "One Nigeria" do so not because they love us, but because they stand to benefit much more from the contraption called Nigeria. For when push comes to shove, those who professed to love us so much they wished to die for us will be the first to relocate themselves and their families to the safe havens they created for themselves in foreign lands with our resources. From there they will hope to lecture us on the need to come together as "brother and sisters."

It used to be tucked in the innermost part of Sapon market. A scrappy shed with hastily thrown in corrugated iron sheets and rotting planks that looked set to be blown away by the next gentle breeze. It wasn't so much the visual aesthetics as the titillating smells that wafted through the nostrils as you neared the ramshackle shed.
It has been 9 months since i really wacked. No more pounded yam, amala has since disappeared from my diet, eba is now a thing of history. No brown beans to make moin moin, even to cook rice here now na stress. Ewedu, egusi and efo has been consigned to a once a year christmas delicacy at my aunts, eating bushmeat is now an offence that carries a jail sentence, and snails will probably only be found in remote asian restaurants.
I am tired of eating turkey burgers that don't taste like turkey, i am sick of bagels, bread, cakes, icecream, hotdogs and cheese. Hamburgers and fries? That one na food?

You trek miles to get common goat meat, cured pork is horrible, turkey doesn't taste like Mama Uche's, and lamb is no where to be found on the grocery shelves. Mad cow disease has taken away our precious beef, now bird flu is threatening our last remaining source of protein! Wetin man go do?
No freedom to slaughter my fowl or goat, i have missed that extra smell of firewood that used to make salah and christmas meat so sweet.

i keep looking out of my window every morning, hoping against hope that just one radical naija will decide to set up another shack close by. We must name this one Oyinbo must wack food canteen!

I hereby forward my application to the 'Martyrs and Messiahs Association of Nigeria' to be considered for the 'honor' of laying down my life for Nigeria.
I humbly pledge the motto of a 'patriot', "everything I will do from henceforth is to protect Nigeria’s interest and if that will cost me my life, so be it."

I want the benefits of dying for Nigeria. I want to sit in Aso Rock forever, i want to be in a position to increase the pump price of petrol three times a year. I want to be able to acquire a private jet and travel to at least 50 countries a year all expenses paid for the cause of our dear country Nigeria.
I want 20 National honors, 72 Chieftaincy titles and 5 honorary degrees. I want a large farm that makes $250,000 a day in profits. I want a Presidential library for my great grandchildren after me.

I demand a fat salary on the condition that it be reviewed upward once every 3 months. I want to be AU chairman before i die and i must be allowed to excercise absolute control over all federal resources, Senate, house of Representatives and all Governors. I must be allowed to amend the constitution when it suits my fancy. The people must have no say over what i do and they must see me as their messiah. I reserve the right to sell public property when and to whomever i please.

Lastly, the right to impeach me must be repealed from the constitution in order for me to carry out this painful task.

Mantu (n) m-a-n-t-o-o: A tool used for illegal manipulation of constitutions.

Third term (adj) thûrd tûrm: Nigerian euphemism for life Presidency.

Public hearing (adj) pub•lic hîr ng: Secret meetings held by Politicians with the aim of feathering their own nests.

Patriotism (adv) p tr - -t z m : A word used to describe unquestionable loyalty to the President.

Election (n) -l k sh n: Selection of party loyalists by the President to political office.

Blueprint: A government paper detailing fantasy white elephant projects. Used primarily as a political tool to deceive the people.

Communique/report: worthless piece of document released at the close of lectures, seminars, probe panels and or committees. Usually contains grandiose speeches, unrealistic goals, castles in the air e.t.c See also, National political Reform committee report, Vision 2010 report.

Budget: Annual ritual by the legislative and Presidential arms of Government detailing resource meant to be “shared” amongst the three tiers of Political office holders.

Ecological fund: Money meant for electioneering campaigns, sharing among party chieftains, foreign bank accounts e.t.c See also, Dariye

Security Vote: Pocket money meant for Political office holders.

Senate: Presidential rubber stamp for unpopular laws and illegal constitutional ammendments.

Babacracy: Unitary system of Governnment headed by a powerful life President. Minimum age of 60 required. See also, Nigerian "democracy".

Chief: Traditional title sold by traditional rulers to the highest bidder.

Honorary degree: A "doctorate" degree confered on an individual by a higher Institution primarily as a form of political patronage.

Privatisation: Sale of public property to members of a countries' ruling political party and other sycophants.

BPE: Bureau of Private Enrichment. See also, Privatisation.

Runway: Recreation park for cattle

Democracy defenders: People who "oppose" the ruling party on the basis of their exclusion from revenue "sharing."

No-go-area: The real problem with a country that are not supposed to be discussed while trivial matters are being discussed. See also, Federalism, resource control, e.t.c

Court order: Worthless piece of paper that is not binding on the Presidential and Legislative arms of government.

Sacred cows: Members of the ruling party of a nation.

Universities: Nigerian synonym for glorified secondary schools.

Probe panel: Job opportunity for unemployed political hangers-on. See also, constitutional reform committee, Oputa panel e.t.c

Nigerian politicians are newly evolved species of homo sapiens. They have learnt the art of speaking with both sides of the mouth, dining with the devil with a short spoon and saying what they do not mean. Take a look;

1. "We will be going back to the drawing board to plan for a better outing in future. The Eagles may have lost today but they certainly weren't disgraced. In football you win some and you lose some. Today we lost and we have to accept that it was God's will that we should lose." - Alhaji Ibrahim Galadima. 16/11/2004.
drawing board == a "place" of collective amnesia. Where we forget the reason for our failure and pretend all is well.

2. "I am hearing this information from you for the first time and I mean it. I am not aware of any court order at all from anywhere. I am a lawmaker and I cannot be a law breaker. If any court of competent jurisdiction gives me a court order, I will obey that order". - Alhaji Ibrahim Mantu. 03/08/2006.
DEFINITON: Of course we won't be obeying any court order. Don't they know we are above the law? Did they dare send a court order against us? You wait until they hear from Baba.

3. "MRDD is not only opposed to PDP's third-term bid, but also to their proposed constitution amendment. “The way to amend the constitution is clearly stated in the constitution. Nigerians did not at any time in the seven-year reign of the PDP-led government give PDP the mandate to amend the constitution. This plot is a curse, fraudulent and treason,” - Alhaji Gambo Jimeta. 03.07.2006
DEFINITION: We are "against" this "evil" third term agenda as long as WE are not included in the "chop i chop" party.

4. "I believe that as members of the National Assembly, the constitution gives us the responsibility to make laws for the good governance of this country and to amend the constitution when necessary." - Mr. Halims Agoda. 03.07.2006
DEFINITION: What is the constitution? WE have the right to mutilate the constitution anyway we want regardless of what the "people" want. It is our "God-given" right to tailor the constitution to suit our greed.

5. “The President has not commented on the issue of third term and will not do so until after the process of constitution amendment has been completed. We cannot be pushed into a corner and forced to answer hypothetical question." - Chief Femi Fani Kayode. 03/06/2006.
DEFINITION: The President is indeed going for a third term. We will however state the obvious when we are done "amending" the constitution.

6. "everything I do now is to protect Nigeria's interest, and if that will cost me my life, so be it". - President Obasanjo. 02/28/2006.
DEFINITION: I "love" Nigeria so much i have decided to become President for life.

7. ECOLOGICAL FUND: Money meant for security votes, miscellaneous personal expenses, electioneering campaign and personal enrichment.

8. “The present kerosene scarcity is about inappropriate pricing and when a particular product is priced inappropriately, relative to its energy equivalent, all sorts of things go wrong." - Mr. Funsho Kupolokun. 03/08/2006.
DEFINITION: The rich do not use kerosene. If the poor need to cook, let them use firewood.

9. "Gentlemen, I just want to re-affirm that we are still in the presidential race. No matter what happens, we are going ahead with it. It is borne out of our conviction that there is a need for generational change. It is the turn of our generation to rule Nigeria and put it right." - Gov. Orji Uzo Kalu Punch, 03/08/2006.
DEFINITION: It is the turn of our "generation" to loot Nigeria. However, this is just a publicity stunt to divert attention from the real thing; Baba's life Presidency ambition.

10. “Like I have always told you, the Sa’adatu Rimi murder case has not been closed. Murder investigations are never closed until we unravel the mystery." - DSP Mallam Baba Mohammed. Punch, 03/08/2006.
DEFINITION: You all know we, the Police, are so inefficient that we can never catch the killers. But since you insist on asking, we are still "probing" the case.

CONSTITUTIONAL WURUWURU



Presidency and some state governors are making mouth-watering offers to members of the House of Representatives to support the extension of President Olusegun Obasanjo’s tenure. Chukwumerije Uche, Feb 16, 2006.

THEN

Press conference, Uganda. june 9, 1995

PETER MWESIGE, The Crusader: You have on several occasions said that the appropriate time for you to leave power has not come; you repeated it during your campaigns. I want you to explain to me like a six-year-old: When is the appropriate time going to come for you to leave power?
MUSEVENI: I said I would have one term. This term. My inclination is that I should retire after this.
MWESIGE: Of course, the constitution allows you to have a second term. Would you think of having another term if things didn’t change, as you always say?
MUSEVENI: Well. Of course the constitution says I can have two terms and it would not be unconstitutional if did. But my inclination says I should serve this, then retire.
http://www.monitor.co.ug/specialincludes/ugprsd/museveni/mus06075.php

OBASANJO: Fellow Nigerians, I have absolutely no intention to impose myself on this country. When it was fashionable, and I was in a position to doso, I did not. While seeking the mandate to offer my service to thenation, I fully recognise the right of any qualified Nigerian to do the same. April 25, 2002.

NOW

MUSEVENI: I have been active in these struggles for 35 years I have used up one of two terms provided for in the constitution and as you have asked me, and since it is also my conviction that there is some more work to complete, I am willing to present myself as one of the candidates in the coming elections for two reasons; because I am not a deserter, I accept your challenge urging me to be a candidate the issue is not that without Museveni the army will stage a coup d’ etat, because these are our comrades [who] cannot turn against the people even if I retire.
Nov 26, 2005

OBASANJO: "everything I do now is to protect Nigeria's interest, and if that will cost me my life, so be it".
Feb 28, 2006

Cheiftains of the ruling Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) have dominated the Federal Government Delegation to the forthcoming Commonwealth games scheduled from the 15th of March in Melbourne, Australia.
According to Director of Sports Development in the Ministry of Sports, Dr. Amos Adamu, the FG delegation would also include the Sports Minister, Saidu Samaila Sambawa and the delegation would be led by the Chairman of the PDP, Alhaji(Dr.) Senator Ahmadu Ali.
Dr. Amos Adamu explains that the Commonwealth games are political games in which the Queen would be in attendance and there would be political meetings with the Queen of England.

We are at pains to understand the rationale behind the presence of a Federal Government delegation to a sports meet lasting 12 days. Does Dr. Amos Adamu realise he is not speaking to cows and goats when he claims there would be political meetings at Melbourne?
We remember Dr. Samaila Sambawa only a few weeks ago returned from a month long jamboree in Egypt with the Super Eagles. If someone indeed must represent the Sports Ministry, why must it be the minister? Is he aware that he has spent more time this year attending sporting functions than plotting the way forward for our sports? Is he aware that his first public function on assuming office was to travel to the Asian games in China where no African Nation participated?

Dr. Amos Adamu has not provided us with the names of the athletes that would represent us in Melbourne. We still have no idea how the Federal Government was able to secure funds to pay the estacodes of its "delegation" since one of the key reasons behind our shoddy preparation for the games was the ubiquitous "lack of funds".
We do not know why Alhaji Ahmadu Ali must be at Melbourne at this critical time when his party members are busy mutilating the constitution.
I do not remember seeing the Chairman of the US Republican party at the Winter Olympics in Toronto neither do i remember any other nation besides Nigeria who will be sending a "government delegation" to Melbourne to have political consultations with the Queen of England.

Maybe President Obasanjo and all the governors may have to travel to Germany in June to have "political meetings" with other heads of Government that will be at the World Cup.
If we do not win any medal at the games proper, we can be assured of coming home with some "political" gold medals!

There must be something terribly wrong with the way politicians view public service in Nigeria. Senator Adeseye Ogunlewe, who was recently dismissed as Minister for Works has not stopped speaking.
Rather than accept his ignominous sack in good faith, the "humble" senator declared that he was not completely out of the present democratic dictatorship and that Baba had another "assignment" for him. He commended Baba for allowing him the opportunity to "serve" the nation and called on him to "consider the possibility" of continuing beyond the year 2007 to complete the "gigantic projects" he initiated.
The disgraced ex-minister posits that there must be continuity in programmes and governance to ensure that government projects were completed. According to Ogunlewe, there are 72 on-going projects, 56 newly designed road projects which are very critical to the economc survival of the nation that could never be completed before 2007.
However, the ex-minister fails to tell us where those projects are. If the present state of roads in Nigeria is anything to go by, we can conslusively conclude that the road projects he is refering to may be in another country. It is extremely difficult to imagine which road projects could be so "critical" to the economic survival of the nation since many of us cannot remember growing up with good roads. Since Chief (Senator) Dr. Ogunlewe is emphatic that such projects could NEVER be completed before 2007, it may be that materials required for the road projects may have been ordered direct from another planet and may not be due to arrive until 2008.

Learned Sir Ogunlewe argues that Baba should consider "what Nigerians are saying" by going for a third term so that he will be in the position to complete those projects that are "very dear to his fatherland". He claims that the next administration may not be willing to complete such projects in which case Nigeria stands to lose N300billion and that Nigerians would suffer.
Is Senator Ogunlewe really hearing "what Nigerians are saying"? Are we not witnessing a repeat of the "everyone earnestly begs Abacha for life President"? Who are the "Nigerians" that Senator Ogunlewe refers to? The political prostitutes hanging around Baba for financial rehabilitation?

When asked if he would accept to be chairman of Baba's illegal campaign organisation if given the offer, the ex-minister gleefully answers: " I will absolutely, in fact, i am a dedicated, passionate believer in the continuity of His government because if there is no continuity, these projects will suffer."
Senator Ogunlewe desperately wants to cut across as a man who is passionate about transforming Nigerian roads, but we remember that his tenure was marked more by political double speak about "capturing" Lagos for the PDP and his political misadventure with FERMA without any meaningful road development. Infact most of his achievements would lie not on the roads but on the myriads of billboards doting many Federal Highways, thanking Baba for approving taxpayers funds for road construction. Senator Ogunlewe, like Senator Tony Anenih will leave the Works ministry with a lot of "blueprints" on road construction gathering dust on the shelves while banks in foreign countries smile with the profits from our oil proceeds meant for our roads.

Senator Ogunlewe does not forget to thank Baba for giving him an opportunity to "serve" the nation to the "best of his ability". In his own remarks, the Permanent Secretary of the Ministry of Works stresses that Ogunlewe had been an "asset" to the present administration and brought to the ministry an "unparalled level of commitment and dedication".
He also claims the President was posting the ex-minister to "where he could serve the nation better."

We would like to tell the PS that we are constantly reminded of Senator Ogunlewe's "unparalled level of commitment and dedication" each time we travel on the death traps that are labelled Federal roads. The ubiquitous "Sorry bear with us, this is a Federal road" signs that dot many of Lagos roads are also a reminder of the ex-ministers "ability to serve the nation."
Maybe we are the ones that have eyes and cannot see the roads the ex-minister and his PS are seeing. Praps we shall have to look beyond our shores to find the roads they so gleefully tell us they have constructed with the billions from oil proceeds.

This was absolutely hilarious! Nigerian 419 scammers scammed on American radio.
This piece courtesy of Uche Nworah at Nigerianvillagesquare.

Imao! See this oyinbo people saying we live in the stone age, that we clump around in mud huts pluggin our laptops to coconut trees and calling us chicken noodle necks!

I don't blame them! When you send emails to unsuspecting victims in the names of "Prof. (Dr.) Senator Anyim Pius Anyim" and "Chief Sir (Dr.) Alex Ibru" detailing money to be sent to a phoney bank account, easy to see why they have a problem believing Nigerians.

I am waiting for "Chief Sir (Dr.) Alex Ibru " to write a letter to the Nigerian and US governments and prosecute or is it "trace" the "impostors"!

Click here to listen to the full conversation between the American "victims" and our dear "distinguished elderstatesmen"!

I got tagged by Grandiose parlor, in order to move this little prank forward, i will be answering the following questions and passing it on to those i tag...

Read the following Q& A;

Black and White or Colour; how do you prefer your movies?
Color, why should i go back to the stone ages?

What is the one single subject that bores you to near-death?
history class

MP3s, CDs, Tapes or Records: what is your favorite medium for prerecorded music?
Cds

You are handed one first class trip plane ticket to anywhere in the world and ten million dollars cash. All of this is yours provided that you leave and not tell anyone where you are going … Ever. This includes family, friends, everyone. Would you take the money and ticket and run?
I carry my wife and children and disappear to Europe!

Seriously, what do you consider the world’s most pressing issue now?
Nigeria's Millitary Democracy!

How would you rectify the world’s most pressing issue?
Arrest all the present political office holders and clamp them in jail forever!

You are given the chance to go back and change one thing in your life; what would that be?
I'll be born an Amercian or a European!

You are given the chance to go back and change one event in world history, what would that be?
Biafra would have won the civil war and their independence, followed by the West and NigerDelta.

A night at the opera, or a night at the Grand Ole’ Opry – Which do you choose?
That one no concern me! Which one be Opera?

What is the one great unsolved crime of all time you’d like to solve?
President Babangida's rape of June 12

One famous author can come to dinner with you. Who would that be, and what would you serve for the meal?
Pounded yam, ogufe and Oha soup

!You discover that John Lennon was right, that there is no hell below us, and above us there is only sky — what’s the first immoral thing you might do to celebrate this fact?
Pele o John Lennon! I hope you now believe that they exist!

You have been tagged; Jeremy, Ghettostupidity

Grandiose Parlor: Mental meanderings on issues with special focus on Nigeria and Africa

Dear Oga Sanni,

I on behalf of all "patriotic" Nigerians wish to sincerely appologise to you and your family for all the persecution and insult done to your memory and person.
I am sorry for being a part of those who claimed your regime was one of the worst in the history of our nation. We indeed look back at your time in power with fondness and wish for a moment that you were still with us. We miss your dark goggles, we miss the juicy Indian stories, Sgt. Rogers has disappeared, Maj. Al Mustapha has been clamped into detention, we are sadly still playing at the African Cup of Nations and we are not hearing of people being killed by your goons; ehm sorry boys!

Sir, when you were in power, we remember that NEPA was at least still functioning, we had better roads, the exchange rate was N80 to $1, there were no kidnappings in the Niger Delta. Sir, you would never have allowed Cameroun to lay claim to Bakassi, we won't have a foreign airline masquerading as our flag carrier, all these "born again" democrats would either be dead or rotting in jail, you would never take 50 foreign trips in one year and there would have been less people to "come and chop".

Sir, see all these "democracy defenders" who kissed your feet and "begged" you to die in power.
Remember your former transport Secretary, Ojo, and that ur loudmouthed Tom, they are now actively involved in "grassroots" politics and Mantu is now an active constitutional "activist".
They have killed Bola Ige, Dikibo, Harry Marshal and yet they accused you of murder. Since you left, our roads have fallen into disrepair, NEPA has gotten worse, we are not sure if NITEL will ever be sold, our runways are now cattle sheds, there are no drugs in hospitals and more people are dying since you left.

Sir, we are sorry for treating you and your family like lepers. The only difference between now and then is that those in Abuja are wearing a non-formal military uniform made of babanrigas. They too, like you want to die in power. All youths are now "earnestly" asking for them too, and like you, they are waiting for "direction" from God.
They are busy mutilating your constitution right now as we speak and they are "repackaging" all the money you "earned" into different personal accounts.

May you forgive us for being hypocritical, may you forgive those liars and turncoats who now profess to love democracy. May you forgive those who have bitten the hands that fed them, those whose bank accounts are filled with the pocket money you gave them and who have turned around to label you as the villain.

Those of us who know better wish you were still in power, at least it would be no different from the life presidency of Baba.

Thank you sir!

Sir i heard Mohammed has been released! Kai! Allah!

Once again, Government officials have exhibited their penchant for hypocrisy. Once again, our Government officials fiddle while the country burns. Once again we are reminded of the collosal disaster that our (s)elected political office holders have become.

Nigeria is said to have made a $250,000 donation to the Government of Burundi "in line with Nigeria’s commitment to national reconciliation, peace consolidation and reconstruction in the Republic of Burundi". Vice President Atiku Abubakar led the Nigerian delegation to the Roundtable Donor's conference chaired by President Preire Nkurunziza in Bujumbura, Burundi. The VP "pledged" Nigeria's support in the "provision of books, construction of classroom blocks and teachers' recruitment", he also stated that "without peace, stability and a secure environment, no meaningful development could take place".

Pray! Is Vice President Abubakar aware of what he is saying? Is he truly living in Nigeria at all? Is he aware that he is promising the Burundians what his government has failed to give Nigerians for 6 whole years? Does the VP know that there are no textbooks even in his village schools, that students from his constituency take classes under trees and that most of the teachers especially in Northern schools are poor, underpaid corp members?

What does he mean when he talks about "peace, stability and secure environment"? Is he refering to the "peace" in the NigerDelta, Maiduguri or Onitsha? Is he aware that the Senate President requires a N40million bullet proof car to go to his village?

If Nigeria has so much money to "dash" the government and people of Burundi, why do we complain of "lack of funds" when it comes to NEPA, roads, water, police welfare, books, drugs, hospital equipment?
Why is the NigerDelta so poor and yet we have so much money to give?

The VP also "stressed" that there must be "conscious effort on the part of all concerned to consolidate the hard-won peace currently unfolding in Burundi".
What constitutes "conscious effort? Holding secret public hearings on constitutional wuruwuru while the country is in the throes of ethnoreligious riots?

Who are those "concerned"? The VP who is fighting over succeeding Baba in 2007?